Redemption

Listening to: R-evolve - 30 seconds to mars

Thursday 28th August.
Noor's Birthday Party.




It was fun. Threw cake around at fuds.
Talked & laughed. Played around the bathroom... Pictures are ♥.


Listening to: Redemption - Gackt ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ (gackt deserves so much hearts)

Friday 29th August.
Adhari with the Yans.



Got there at 4:12 with boo, nada, & mauree. Waited around for the park to open. Hanged out in the food court randomly laughing at every joke they tell us.
It was almost empty. Haha no lines to wait in. We first rode the Octopus thingie.
Me and Boo love that ride. Nada got freaked out!! She was swearing so fucking much!
I went all hyper and dragged Kal to the Himalaya. I got paired with him while nikki gets Robbie
The ride was fun. We rode that 3 times. Haha.
I puked. T-T I went on the swing and I felt like puking after that. I drank coke thinking it might help. But it didn't the moment I got up and walked with nada. I threw up all over the nearest tree. Gez. Well, the staff were all 'are you okay?' and crap.
Hours later Bowling. I was second place, robbie was last. Hahahahaha. Then BUMPER cars!! woohoo that was fun. Me and Boo rode the octopus twice. Got a phone call and Nikki was kinda pissed at me cause of it. I pretty much dont care if she is or not. Ate Kfc. Kal and I had a long conversation bout everything. He constantly wanted to make me smile saying "I don't want to see that frown on your face when you leave" I found it sweet.
Ate mooncakes! Woohoo~ doesn't taste good. I picked the wrong flavor. o=o
I'm going to miss them. I can't go out much on Ramadan.


If you leave and I don't get to see you. I'll cry my eyes out.
Too soon.

~

Anxious...
So fucking anxious.

Jrock & all that jazz

Listening to: Uneasy Hearts weigh the most ~ Dance Gavin Dance

*sigh*

I've found out something really relieving yesterday.
I'll just shut up about that.

I got up at 9:30. Thanks mom. Didn't eat breakfast. Theres no food.
I should wake up earlier. For the food.
Mom woke me up and the first thing she said to me was 'eat more, you look like a skeleton'
Thats a great good morning mom.

Gah... Call this person. Call that person. Damn.
Oh well, I'm watching Emma.
I miss this.
I'm going to paint right after I reply to JJ's huge ass email.


O______O Jamie Oliver is on tv. *drools* Brits are... *drool*

Less than sixteen roses

Mizuki-san no Sadie desu

listening to: Goodbye foolishness(サヨナラの果て） - Sadie


After replying to weldon's comment on FS. I sorta whacked my notebook. stupid thing.
Gah, my hormonal patch is like going crazy these days and its pissing the hell out of me.
Oh well. Big deal.
I'm going to Noor's birthday on Thursday. It better be good cause I'm skipping a Jam to go there.
Kevin seems like he wants to see me real bad or something. Boo is being the normal girl best friend and going the guy likes you. Just make him admit it already. Haha Boo. I don't think so.
Its a freaking miracle Abood hasn't called. Thank you so much. I don't want to deal with that dude. Hes nice and all. But why the hell does he call me and not the other girls too? Weird.

After watching SUICIDAL APPLICANTS DVD. I decided to cut my hair. I blame the boys of sadie. I was staring at their hair. I want their hair. I can easily cut my own hair to make it look like that. Oh man... I really want Jyou's hair. That girls hair is O_O. Shes hot too. wooo~ haha I'm not attracted to her though. Which is a good thing. I don't want the hiko incident to happen again.

Jyou

and.... Hiko. Damn u girl! u could be a guy. Esp. with ur voice. I thought u were a dude.
*hitshead* naj.... stop staring at the pic already. *cough*


ahem...
this is what mon~sUn wants to look like.
(naj wants hiko's boots)

.........

............

right... okie enough dreaming.
Nada had a fever a few days ago. Now, Nasser has one. Soon me. Woo~ I can't wait. o-o
Moms at the clinic with him. *pats moron boy* ahem.
anyways... its so freaking hot.

dies.

-_-

Parents fought for the first time in a very long time.
and it was cause of something really stupid too.

Mom was crying in the car... I had to cool her down a bit.
Dad is being such an asshole. Mom is going to give him the cold shoulder later.
and she wants Nikki out of the house too... . . . . . . . . . . . Ha.ha.ha.
ahem. Well, whatever.

The Fuck?

Sorry Ren. I know I'm not supposed to be swearing. But I don't care right now.


I don't know whats wrong with me. I get pissed at Nada and Nikki so fucking much. Its like I can't stand being around them anymore without losing my temper. The problem now is. I don't know why. Why the hell would I do that.
Okay, I'm angry. I've already let out some of that shit out that night and I also cried. How come I don't feel any different? A lightness of burden or something.... anything? Its still the same and its fucking annoying. One more I swear she does something again. i WILL end our friendship personally. I don't fucking know whats wrong with me. Why the hell would I want that? I don't understand myself. I don't get it. The hell is going on with me lately? Three days I've noticed this happening for 3 days now and I hate it. Someone kill me before I kill everyone including myself.

Split personalities? Fuck that. I've been turning into such a fucking bitch. I hate it so freaking much. That means I'm hating myself too.

Just give it some time? Fine time.

Gah. I'll freaking throw tantrums all over the place if this doesn't end. soon.

Back to Normal

Boo fixed things with me. I put up a little fight. Telling her I needed both my best friends not just one. Especially when Ren is leaving soon. After that who do I have left? She said its better than me being torn between the two of them. I rather be torn between the two then lose one. I'll actually make that sacrifice. We shared a really tight embrace. Now, I can't mention ren. >_> not even to Nada. They both don't want him in their lives. If thats the thing. Then Okay I won't talk about him then. I rarely do actually. Since it pisses everyone off every time his name is being mentioned. Poor guy. I don't really get why people just hate him so freaking much. Oh well.

My eyes are swollen and I hate it. >_> Mom didn't notice. THANK GOD.
I have something else on my mind. I just hope that won't happen. It'll be such a fucking drag.

Yesterday at Nasreens apartment was fucking hilarious. We were so bored we started watching porn. Then we got bored of that cause all we saw were naked women. The hell. >< where are all the guys? HAHAHAHAHAHA. Then we looked for Yaoi. We didn't find any. T-T

Nasreen broke the shower faucet thing and the water started shooting out everywhere, uncontrollably. She got seriously wet. Then I tried blocking the water. >_> Wet. We were all wet. ><>< we couldn't find it. Uncle Noy came and fixed it.

I'm scared

Now, I'm scared.
I might lose the Yans, and my other friends too.
I can't handle that.
They'll all hate me if nikki says stuff about me. I didn't do anything wrong. She just... okay. If she doesn't want to ever have me as a friend. I'm not okay with that. But what can I do? I can't talk her out of it. Shes stubborn. I don't think she'll listen even.

I've been crying on and off the whole night.

The band will go on without me. I think I got myself kicked out.
I don't think I can go out anymore either. Wait I can. I'll go with Nasreen.

I feel so fucking weak. I hate crying. Its completely stupid cause nikki and nada don't care at all.

2 gone.

I'm crying in front of her and she doesn't care at all. Nada even.

I'm not going to be talking to either of them for awhile.
I think its the same for renz.

Gah I cant stay in here. I'm sobbing too much.

Shes laughing with nada right now. while I'm here sobbing slightly. cause of my little 'trying to stop crying' thing awhile ago.

I'm just going to be the silent person again.

I'm completely helpless.
I need someone to talk to. But I'm too scared to talk. I might break down completely, this time.

entity

I just feel like randomly use random words as my titles.

en·ti·ty /ˈɛntɪti/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[en-ti-tee]

–noun, plural -ties.

something that has a real existence; thing: corporeal entities.

italics are fun! woohoo.
Okay, We spent almost the whole day yesterday outside. Mauree came over we went to Hol n One for shits. An hour later we got picked up to go to 2 basketball games at muharraq club then to a victory party. Which led to us going to the 7:30 St.Lucia Game. It was fun I guess. Yeo is so freaking hot. *drool* Nada and boo have a pic with him. Oh well.
Lets see here. I'm not so depressed anymore. I guess I'm getting over him step by step faster than I expected. O-O I find it easier that hes my best friend. Its really messed up. I should be having a hard time. But I'm not. Damn. Wohoo for me. A month should do it. o-o or two weeks. >->

I don't really have this entry planned out like I usually do.
I'm just going with the flow this time.
I'm going to start painting soon-ish.

How sweet the sound.

*sigh*

Depression free day.

WOOHOO! I just hope abood or Mary won't call. They always ruin my mood.
The first one scares the living shit out of me and mary depresses me with her rants.
Oh well. What can I do. I must be nice and let them do whatever.

I gotta clean my room. I might have friends over tomorrow. Yay for me.

Lots of Kung fu series on Cartoon network. Its getting annoying. >_>

clear mind.

I'm going to be as patient and not go over board with my feelings.
Gah. Bad week for all of us. Bad Bad Bad week.

there has been a lot of backstabbing, shouting, anger, depression, pain & A LOT of worry.
I thought I was going nuts. Gah. How can this shit be so freaking... gah. I dunno.

One day? Just one day. Please. One day of rest until it starts again. *sigh*

fuck the world and its existence.

I don't freaking care anymore. Do whatever you want... I don't mind the pain. I don't care about it.
Bring it on bitches. I'll still be standing.


DONT MAKE IT WORSE NADA! WHATS UP WITH YOU AND NIKKI?!! HUH?! ARE YOU DOING ALL THIS CRAP ON PURPOSE??!?!

"Oh lets make najs life a leaving hell..." "Oh yea. I'll not talk to her today and you make up some lame excuse and get mad at her bestfriend too. So she'll get all hurt and crap." "yea that'll be awesome."


FUCK U GUYS!

o-o

this is so freaking weird. Right now I have no reason to be depressed and yet I am.
I slept last night with a clear mind then when I woke up... I woke up with thoughts that tear me. >< and it sucks.

Fuck the pain. o-o being depressed is stupid.
Smile. even though its fake. o-o

I'm so fake

No I haven't eaten and No I'm not okay. I'm sorry I lied. I don't want u to think so much.
Sorry boo but its all about u this time. Not me. I'm writing this here cause I have to write it some where or I'll show.

I'm glad you don't read my blog.
Love you. Love you always.

2nd one?

I wish I bled instead, It would feel so fucking good. I hate making promises. I can never break them.

Im going to throw another one later.

Existence

I just threw a silent tantrum.
Whats a silent tantrum?

For me its the highest depressed state I can be in.

1. hate myself so bad cause its my fault from the beginning I shouldn't have fallen so fast.
2. block mind completely from outer world
3. hit the wall over and over and over again until the pain numbs hands.
4. lock myself in the bathroom and do it all over again
5. slide down and stare at the wall for about 10 minutes
6. stand up and hit the wall again.
7. Hyper ventilate to refrain from crying
8. lean forehead on wall and cool down
9. get out and go invisible
10. erase existence.

conclusion.... heart gets really numb so emotional pain wont work for awhile + face is completely expressionless + Coldness towards everyone.
YAY! me.

.........

I regained my composure. I refrained myself from crying. Now my arm hurts like fuck.

I just had fucking fucked up thoughts just now... umm...

"I liked it better when I had no friends." "I rather have no friends than go through this crap""when it ends and a friendship is lost. Will she make me choose between her and him?" Sounds immature and I regret thinking it. You guys are the best things that ever happened to me.

WTF!!

STOP!!! JUST FUCKING STOP ALREADY!!

what do u mean 'you'd get involved if renz was the one going against me and mariel instead of the other way around'? Well of course I'll get involved its boo and mariel. YOU GUYS MAKE IT SOUND LIKE IM SIDING WITH HIM. FOR FUCK SAKE. I'M NOT SIDING WITH ANYONE!!!
PLEASE JUST STOP MAKE IT SOUND LIKE I'm his puppy. You're supposed to be my bestfriend Nikki you're not supposed to be this way. I'm not taking sides. You know why? CAUSE I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST HIM DAMMIT. DONT EXPECT ME TO BE ANGRY WITH YOU GUYS. I'm not going to get involved. This is hurting me too much and I'm on the freaking side lines! stop it already. I've had enough of this crap.

>_>

I woke up scared as fuck this morning. I hate it. I woke up at 7:10 scared and trembling. I liked it better if I actually did have a fucking nightmare that way the fear would go away faster. But this... gah. All I wanted to do is go back to sleep and never wake up again. Never.

and it goes downhill.

I hate everyone including myself. I was blind too. You weren't the only one. Now I look bad. This is bad. I can't stop it. I'll just leave it all to you guys cause its your fight. I won't defend anyone. I won't take sides. I'll just wait in the sidelines listening to each side.

I admitted to you last night and you didn't take it well.
Thats not a big problem at the moment.
This is probably one of the worst days of my life and I'm actually smiling.
I can't take this much crap from people I eventually cried a bit. I never cry for more than 2 minutes.

I fought with boo on the phone and then made up cause she told me something that fucking made me doubt his... gah. No he wouldn't do that. But I didn't tell her that cause she thinks hes using me. I don't know which side I'm supposed to believe. I'm just going to wait for you guys to talk about it with each other. Theres going to be a lot of screaming. I tried to defend but they just called me a little puppy that follows him everywhere. Thats cold girls. I have dignity you know that. Keep our distances from him? Lol you think I'm able to do that? Fuck. If you guys are mad at him don't drag me into it please. Do whatever you want. I won't defend. You girls wont listen. So I wont take sides so I wont betray anyone. Just call me when Its all over. I want to work this crap out. I want it to end without losing a friend. I'm not strong enough to take all this crap. Hurry up before I'm tempted to do something really stupid.

I'm going to act like a best friend not a girlfriend from now on. Virtually we can do whatever. In person it'll be different. Thats what Nada and boo were pissed at. For fuck sake you guys should have said that in the first place. Oh well. Whats done is done.

This is so fucked up.
Why am I scared?

（。＿。）ヂエナジャラヂエ！オネガイ！！！！

While staring at the other entry I was going to post up. I thought. I won't post it. Too much hate in it. bad thing. BAD thing.


After staring at the entry coldly completely blank. Motzy popped in my head. >_> I'm starting to miss that dude again. Hes like my best friend but online. I treat him like one of the girls though.

Oh great now I'm staring blankly at this entry too. Gez naj just post it up already. I think I overdosed on those pills. >_> NOEZ! I'm becoming nasreen. *drowns self*

why the hell is it so fucking cold. >_>

FunLand [August 14, 08]

My thoughts for today:

Too close I should say. I don't really know what I'm going to do if it gets out.
I guess I'm just going to stay calm and take it until I can't anymore.
This is one painful year.

I'm scared.
I'm anxious, Paranoid, pressured, stressed, depressed, and fucking afraid.
I'm scared of so many things. I don't want to go into details. Right now I don't want to even think about it.

I've kept my mind off of it with drama. Lol it worked. Reixi!!
Sawsy came over it was fun.
I tried coloring nadas project with oil pastels. I cant do it for shit. So I had to draw the whole thing all over again. actually nada drew it first. Then I found out that I could paint it right after I started coloring the newly drawn one. gah nada. >_> give me a hard time why dont u.
Its supposed to be about the Philippine culture. I dont think it has anything to do with it. EJ found the pic for nada and I did most of the work. they better get a high mark.

。。。。。。。。

At funland. We took our sweet time getting there. It was cause mom was taking a little nap and then Nikki took more than an hour to get ready. Seriously boo. >_>

Ren, Robbie, EJ, Nikolai and Abby was there.
Lets see here... we trio watched the olympics while the others played billiards.
Ren suddenly appeared. o-o w00t?

(Goes and cleans paint brushes)

Boo and Nada like usual always escapes to the bathroom. Leaving Ren to pester me with his questions. Lol its not really pestering. We ended outside funland. Randomly talking like usual. (boo got mad cause ren supposedly likes to drag me away so much. Lol calm down boo. You've been with me the whole day.) LOL yes, It seemed sorta like a scene from a drama. Walked to the where we could see the sea. o-o randomly. I don't like guys staring at me.Lol. There was a 'romantic moment' *laughs ass off* 'romantic' *laughs ass off somemore* that shit dont happen to me. *cough* *laughs*

Saw abood.
He helped us get into the skating rink.
the guys left and we skated with him. He offered his hand and I took it cause I was scared of falling. We talked. haha he did the same to nada. The moment we said we had to leave he made us go back in the rink. So we did. He took my hand and we skated. Then he asked for all our numbers but he only got mine. We left. I hugged him goodbye. Its supposed to be a thank u for everything. He called me today. Apologizing if he did something stupid. I found that sorta weird.

Blue light Mode at the skating rink.

so it begins

The band and many other things.
A bunch of obstacles just fell on my lap. I'm sharing it with the other two girls. But there are some that only I can go over. It doesn't involve the band thats why. I'm keeping a lot of things from my closest friends. I find it funny actually. REAL funny.

I find myself exacerbating everything for myself. I wish I could take the easy way out. But that would be stupid.

I'm fucking pressured. Our second live will be in front of 50+ people.
and We're all going to be in dresses on stage. KOOOOL. O_O
I'm just really fucking surprised I can't believe we're actually having 2-3 lives before we disband. If boo leaves. Then we have no other choice but to disband. EV I think is leaving aswell. T-T


My life is currently 50% happiness & 50% not.
I'm still trying to clear my mind from those trivial thoughts before it takes over. Gah. its really fcked up. Friendship always gets in the freaking way. Too scared to do anything cause of it. o-o

Alone in the Wild

Time suddenly slowed down and I'm actually glad.
Usually I would be afraid and anxious.


I woke up at 8:30. For the first time I wasn't pissed at myself for getting up late. Yes, I think thats late. Well, If you're so used to getting up so early. You'll get pissed too. I just felt like sleeping. People should really learn how to close the door when someones asleep in the freaking room.

I can't believe I'm going to say this but I really miss doing homeschooling now. It puts a lot of pressure on you. But it clears my mind and makes me do just one thing for 7 hours straight. 60 pages, 7 hours of a thoughtless mind. Just so absorbed in work. I miss that. After that I would drown myself in my art and music. Now, it seems I can't do anything without moving away every now and again. Its called A.D.D. Thats it. I'm going back to my old routine. Minus the 7 hours in stupid homeschooling. I want to do the whole thing over again. I can't believe I said that. I bet if I ever do 4grade - 12th again (yes, I did grades 11 and 12 aswell) I'll kill myself in the middle. Umm... I'm surprised that I don't remember most of the crap I learned. I guess its cause I studied too hard and I ended up not remembering it afterwards. *drinks coke*

I'm suddenly inspired by the painting of Princess Marie Franziska of Liechtenstein at the age of two.

*sigh* Lets see what I'll end up painting hmm?

V'ernia

mood: *gasp*
listening to: Joshs annoying racket

V'ernia disbanded. T-T


I've been having weird dreams this week. I can't remember half of it. But I know for sure they were very surreal. *hitshead* involves weird people too. ><

I just finished watching Caregiver. Yes, that movie with Sharon Cuneta. >_> Uncle Don made me watch it. >.< The movie was nice though. Now, its time to watch The Pianist.

Umm... I worried Ren again. >_> I'm sowie. T-T I'm not going to die or anything. Its okie. Don't worry so much, k? *nuggles u*

Gah! I have to study with Josh again. >_> 2 more days Naj. just 2 more and hes done. *sigh*

I spent about 3 hours composing some crap for our song Hey you!. Shortly after I took the guitar and started 'learning' how to do a solo. o-o I can do it. I just need to be faster! 3 more hours of just doing that solo over and over again increases my speed on riffs. wOOt! Oh well.

----

Eyes for one

mood: sleepy
listening to: sagas bass

I got up at 8:30 cause nasreen miss called me. I was like why do I hear alice nine. and then I checked my phone nasreen just miss called.

I got up and called her directly after a wash.
Umm... she came over and shortly after breakfast and lunch me and her went to the salon.
She had her tache and eyebrows done as well as her hair. I just had my eyesbrows done. I look pretty good I guess. I refused to get my tache down for the following reasons:

1. It'll grow back thicker
2. Its red at first
3. It growing back thicker is VERY bad.
4. I dont want to look like a man. >_>


Talked to wenwen on the phone for I think 20-30 minutes. Nasreen had a couple of questions.
- Are you talking to a female?
- Who are you talking to?
- Did you make out yet?

seriously dude. >->

No, you didn't bore me. You never bore me. We always have something to talk about. o-o Its usually something random.

I officially love the little bangkok behind adliya. I went to buy water and credit in the store like close to the salon and It was like I was stepping into the store I always go to with pops in Thailand. I miss Thailand!!! T-T

Sudden Burst?

mood: o-o
listening to: Yue Liang Dai Biao Shei de Xin - David Tao *is totally obsessed with this song*

Gah, I seriously miss wenwen now. ><>_> Wen and Boo are the glue thats keeping me here. Besides my family. Love you guys.

*sigh* I don't keep secrets from nada. I just lie about my feelings when I'm around her. I don't want anyone one in my family to worry about my mental health and crap. I know nada has been backstabbing me a bit. I'm pretty upset about that.
She seems really mad about me and ren being close. Thats probably why she throws things at me randomly. She has this hidden anger towards me and I think Nikki is partly one of the reasons as well. I don't know. she tends to ruin my moods nowadays.

Oh fuck it. Let her be mad at me for reasons that aren't even relevant.

。。。。。。。。

Father is back from Sri Lanka and he got me and nada a Nina perfume.

I've been meaning to make a manip inspired by the commercial.


I started watching Hana Kimi (Taiwan) I didn't know Jiro and Wu Chao was in it. wooo~

---

Gah.. I really feel fucked up at the moment.

Unconscious Feelings?

mood: productive
listening to: RAINBOWS - alice nine. (specifically sagas bass)

*stares at mom as she feeds lil Josh*

Okay... I just finised reading a fanfic for my own amusement. Before that I played the bass for like 2 hours. I tabbed Blossom ~ Sugar. Well like 2 seconds of the bass intro. The song is HARD and tabbing it is a complete nightmare. ><

*sips coke* No call from work yet. o-o I'm sitting here staring at the can of coke in front of me thinking of what to write.

Josh is being an annoying little boy as usual. >_>

I fell asleep while chatting to nikki. It was around 10pm I think. I dunno I just felt really really sleepy. Even though I woke up late-ish and slept in the car. >3<>o<

Yes, the title means something.
No... can't be. *hitshead* HELL NO. *ignores it*


I spent about an hour revamping my old painting last night. Lookie...

2005 I think.
If I spent like another hour on it It would've probably looked awesome. *-*
Well all I can say is I improved a bit in digital painting.



LMAO!!! I've got like a volume of History books! I forgot about them.

taenai arasoi no naka inochi wa ima maku wo ake

mood: confused
listening to: CORONA - alice nine. *sigh* I miss this a9. *sulks*

My mind took over early this morning and woke me up cause it was thinking about how bad work can be for me. What the fuck is up with my head? Its like I have two people in there. One doesn't want me to succeed and the other is weak and always aims high but stupid bad one keeps on caging it and I end up with a messed up life. I knew it! I have a mental disorder. Explains my silent tantrums and black outs. Someone lock me up. *hitshead*
I woke up so fucking scared. No dreams no nothing. I just woke up cause my stupid mind has a mind of its own!!!! *is scared shitless* I tried to not think about it... but it insists on staying on my mind until I fully awoke. Oh come on... Can't I do something normal! (little voice in head speaks) "No. You are an ascetic"A WAT?! When and where did I learn that word?!?! I don't remember learning that word?!?! *is freaking out*

It was 6am and I want to fucking sleep... but No0ooo0o0o... Gah. I wanted to cry. Its not fair. I'm currently at war with myself. Stupid piece of shit. I hate myself. I want wenwen! T-T *calls out to him*

I gave up and sulked in the kitchen staring at the food. I didn't feel hungry. I read a bit so I won't think about it. When mom came home she was like. "Okay, choose do you or do you not want to work. This is a full time job and you won't be able to go out anymore. Your day off is on a weekday and you'll be really pressured when Ramadan starts. You'll be staying from 10 to 10. You'll even start working when you start college. You'll be stressed and you not eating during breakfast won't help you." Now, I have to think about it but I want some help. Wenwen? o-o help? The thing about this job is they don't hire expats. dunno why. o-o man, if I start working I can't get out of it easily. My CPR will be under aljezira, I have 3 month probation. I won't have much fun. I can't go out much anymore and I just turned 16. I want to have fun not work my ass off until its too late to do anything. Umm... Enjoy teenage life... or work ass off? the place I'll be working is FUNKY FISH! the shop rite next to Jashamal. My uniform is clothes from the shop itself. o-o *hitshead* I can't decide.

I need opinions.
I'll call Nasreen & talk to wenwen in a bit.

Oh and Congrats DD! Its a baby girl!


I want to manipulate. T-T no inspiration.

Super Junior Mandarin

mood: sleepy (always am)
listening to :Yue Liang Dai Biao Shei de Xin - David Tao (Chinese RnB) wtf? o-o

wenwen! *waves like a stupid retard* (random)


I woke up with a flying ant right in front of me. I gasped and flicked it to Nadas bed. Mwahahahahah!

I don't think I'll go today. Maybe in the weekend. Gah. I can't go to seef today.
When I found out I was going on a date with him. I practically laughed my ass off then stopped suddenly to process what I just heard. At that moment my eyes grew wide and I was like WTF?! are you fucking serious. >_> these things never happen to me and I'm not even going to go today. Dammit. *hitshead* I knew it was too good to be true. *cries* WHY!?! W!HY!
Gah... If its meant to be theres going to be other times, rite? *cries some more* I hate not having a ride and I hate the fact that if I mention me going out mom freaks. *hitsheads*

Heres what happened. I told mom I was going on my first date. Haha. Yes, I'm very open with my mom cause I know she'll be okay with it and she'll appreciate how open I am with her. So yeah... Lets see here... umm... she started babbling about how I'll end up wanting to marry the guy then I started laughing my ass off. First of all mom.... IM NOT NASREEN!!!!!!!!! *hitshead* FIRST DATE KO TO MOM!! FIRST!!! Thats it I'm not going to tell you anything about my love life.
Whats really fucked up... is she doesn't seem to mind wenwen if we started dating. WTF!!! MOM! you suck. ._. I'll just blame the fact that she already met him. -_- no fair. no fair. no fair.
DAMN YOU NASREEN! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MARRY JJ?! HUH?!

IM GOING TO CALL HER AND RANT! damn u bitch. She's going to be laughing her ass off. I hate you nasreen. *cries* your fault! ._.

。。。。。。。。。。。

Me worried about wenwen. You make it seem like you're okay but my senses always tingle.
We'll just have to wait it out. umm? *nuggles u hard*

。。。。。。。。。。。

｢愛！！」

*dou guai na wan de yue guang lang man de rang ren xin huang qi shi yuan* -sings-

I have to print out my C.V. o-o

no entries?

Play the guitar my ass.
Gah.

A lot has happened today. I might get a job and I think I'm going out with the current hottest guy I know tomorrow. I'm thinking to much...
I'm just simply waiting for all this to come crashing down on me.
Nothing is this good.

I'm tired. Emotionally tired. I think I'm finally getting over him. My problem now is I don't really want to. But Nikki says I should. She just doesn't know him like I do. My 5 day old cuts are itchy. I guess its time for them to heal and turn into scars like the cuts on my heart....

OKAY... that sounded kinda corny.

Here comes the next guy. Don't hurt me to much k?

8 ways to drown out and fall

mood: A.D.D. (is that a mood?)
listening to: -another(something in japanese)- ~ gaudie (current obsession)

This is not the actual entry with that title.
I wrote a similar entry with the same title. I just decided to not post it up cause it was too... umm... personal. Like WAY personal.

I found a little hump thing on the side of my neck. Its not really visible but when I run my hand on it. It hurts like fuck. Its roundish... and kinda huge. Its probably just a vein.

Thursday was fun. Played a few games some drinking games. Hung around the dudes. Jc, Kevin and Ej while Ren and Robbie 'competed'. Lol Fun fun day indeed. Laughed meh ass off the whole time and huggled ren.

Umm... when they started watching the vid we made for Shan. Me and Nikki freaked out. I swear I think I was blushing so much. Haha. When it got to the acted out scene of DBY. I hid behind a wall. Then made Kal my rock and hid behind him. hahaha Gah I was so freaking embarrassed. I wanted to sink into the floor. I loved the bloopers though.

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Today, went grocery shopping. Dad opened a new shop at sitra. Well more like bought a new shop. I dunno who'll manage that place. Probably that old sri lankan guy that used to work for my dad. Probably divide the uncles amongst the three shops now. Its a good thing. I think my dads scared of winter time again. So he decided to open another shop so we'll have another source of income. Last winters income was just what... 500 a day. o-o that doesn't even cover the rent of the house. Gah. Yes, we're paying my grandmother 500BD to stay in this stupid huge house. Some family huh? My dad finally owns 1/4 of the house. He bought like 1/4 of it from his brother. *sigh*

Pops has this plan that he'll buy like 4 other buildings and have it in each of our names. I hope I get the first building! w00t! Najla Moh'd Abdul Ali Qamber will own a freaking building! w00t! Meh dad loves us. *huggles dad* He also wants a paltry farm in Mlang. O-o He wants to use my moms land. w00t! and give most of the money to Mama nic and papa boyet. Man! I miss them now. *sadness* and Lolo tomas and lola beth! such sweet ppl! they're my moms uncle and aunt.

Tita Lanie is leaving for the Philippines tomorrow.
I'm wondering who'll take care of lil Josh. Umm... I guess its us. yay! *huggles hyper joshie*