This is where I tell you whats wrong.

The Challenge

2011-04-25T19:22:00.000+03:00

Tonight, will be the first night we won't say goodnight to each other. The first night you won't tell me that you love me. The first night you won't wish me sweeter dreams.

Tomorrow, will be the first day I won't call you to check if you have eaten or whether you'll be out or if you're coming home. Tomorrow, will be the first day we won't kiss each other over the phone. The first day that we won't know what each of us are doing.

I'm not comfortable writing down my feelings anymore because I fear the tears and the pain I'll feel burning my chest. Also, because I'm a bad writer. Haha.

I somehow have hope that one day we'll meet again and talk about what we were and what we are now. And somehow we'll end up together again and with everything you've told me and said. I can't help but hope. A year may go by and we will change. This obstacle this challenge will change us. It'll tear us apart then glue us back together again but we'll be different. I may become stronger and more confident and you'll be strong, ready and decisive. And in the process of this. We will be glitching we will cry and break and cry and break until time heals us. And right now, All I can focus on is the moment I can't feel the pain anymore. The moment I'll be happy again. And if fate chose us to be together again then let it be.

No matter what you'll still be my bestfriend.

Thought Database

2011-04-11T20:09:00.002+03:00

Hey everyone!

This will just be a database filled with all my past thoughts etc. :D

Please Refer to my Book Blog where I am more active:

Unputdownable Books

AMAZING Giveaway from Bibliophilic Book Blog!

2010-12-04T20:07:00.002+03:00

The holiday season is in and there are loads of amazing book giveaways by awesome book blogs! But some of them only accept US and Canada Entries. Sadly, I know how that feels to be excluded but you can't really blame them. The shipping is expensive overseas! Here is one amazing giveaway from both entries (yes, including international).

It would be awesome if I was able to win my first giveaway.!

Anyways, My book blog will be up and running as soon as university is out, and I'll be stalking loads of book blogs and comment on their awesome reviews. :D

Again! Don't miss out on Bibliophilic's great holiday giveaway! http://www.bibliophilicbookblog.com/2010/11/holiday-giveaway-announcement.html

CLICK IT!

redo

2010-11-06T21:38:00.003+03:00

Nada calls her Madam V.
I know looks fucked. Had to do the entire thing without erasing anything.

little things that make me smile

2010-11-06T20:18:00.004+03:00

unfinished.

I once dreaded the moment when a sudden revelation dawned on me which brought me nothing but apoplectic and self disappointment because I became those I hated the most.

But the little things I did for self amusement changed that all and made me smile. I have more to live for than just those who bring me sadness and pain.

I deserve more and better.
Art truly brings me freedom.

[VTOP] Blue Bloods - Revelations

2010-11-06T17:11:00.002+03:00

Title : Revelations
Series : Blue Bloods
Volume : 3
Author : Melissa Dela Cruz
Hero/Heroine: Schuyler Van Alen
Werewolves : ----
Vampire : New learnt powers!
Witches : ----
Gods/Goddesses : LUCIFER!
Hotties : Oliie! Olliiieee! I hate you Jack. Go die!
Sexual Tension : Meh.
Romance : "I love you" Princess Leia said. "I know" Han said.
Fight Sequences : Loads. I loved the whole exciting bit where loads of ppl get... okie. i won't spoil.
Deaths : 5 - 6?
Teenage Angst : OH the angst! *Dies*
Comments : Revelations is so much better than the last 2. The excitement and how everything is explained, it makes you go. I KNEW IT or OMFG. Though, I hope I can remember it all when I read the next part.
Stars : 6/10 stars.

bruising

2010-10-30T22:03:00.003+03:00

i won't bother with capitalization or anything uniform and correct. I'd rather stay random and spontaneous just this time.

spending the entire week wondering why the damn hell i was left feeling like a boring fuck from each side of my shoulders. Am i not interesting? or did you all just turn mute? i see people turning away and walking off with their sorry excuses that i always tend to shrug off. do i smell or something? am i really that boring or do I have a large pigment mutation growing on my forehead thats starting to gross people out. it seems as if i'm the only one trying my best to conver and entertain. what am i doing wrong?

i'm trying to be as positive as i can with my current situation and ignore anything that comes into my mind about these things that seem to keep on reoccurring. but i can't help it. i'll always think outside the box and end up putting myself down. there i go again blaming myself for doing nothing wrong.

ha. i enjoy writing here. no matter how much hurt and annoyance i dip into these words, no one will step outside their comfort zone and ask me if i was alright. i should call this a diary and not a fucking blog. meh.

there was only one person that always reacted to my pathetic little dabbles. but hes not here anymore. hes somewhere far and barely a phone call away.

it amuses me how i read and end up not being mentioned at all. how nice. did i really not happen to pop up in your life? ha.

i wonder how many bruises will be inflicted before i write something like this again.
i hope it takes forever because right now, i loathe the negativity. but its not something you can just run away from especially when everyone seems to keep on catapulting your positive fortification.

The Need Series by Carrie Jones

2010-10-12T17:41:00.004+03:00

I just recently got into a new series. This time with pixies!
Its just page turning. You can't stop reading it. It has a creepy feeling to it.

I can't wait to read Entice which is the 3rd installment to this and is coming out on December 2010. Hopefully, I can get it here on time. Bahrain needs more bookstores!

[VTOP] Blue Bloods - Masquerade

2010-10-11T20:52:00.002+03:00

Day: 22
Title : Masquerade
Series : Blue Bloods
Volume : 2
Author : Melissa Dela Cruz (still kinda feel awkward cause shes fili)
Hero/Heroine: Schuyler Van Alen
Werewolves : Something like one but not really. They're called silver bloods.
Vampire : Things are getting complicated, people are getting nightmares and crap but they're not like super superhero.
Witches : None.
Gods/Goddesses : Abbadon, and Azrael
Hotties : Meh, hot yea. Oliver! and that dude... Kingsley.
Sexual Tension : Its coming up. ^^
Romance : the romantic tension is there. I want to kiss you noo... I shouldn't cause it'll ruin us. Blah blah.
Fight Sequences : not so much, but its still there.
Deaths : 1
Teenage Angst : nearly nothing.
Comments : I liked this part better than the 1st because there was a masquerade ball where pretty cute stuff happened. Sorry, I can't remember so stuff because I read a pixie book after. This series is kind of meh. I prefer HoN.
Stars : 5/10 stars.

[VTOP] Blue Bloods

2010-09-17T22:01:00.002+03:00

Day: 14
Title : Blue Bloods
Series : Blue Bloods
Volume : 1
Author : Melissa Dela Cruz (shes a Fili! bwahahha)
Hero/Heroine: Schuyler Van Alen
Werewolves : nothing so far.
Vampire : Okay, this is one interesting kind of vamp. They're called Blue Bloods (yes their blood is actually blue) anyways, when they die naturally their memories and knowledge are saved into their blood until they are born again. Its like a century old USB! bwahahahaha. ^-^
Witches : None.
Gods/Goddesses : More like Archangels like Michael and Gabrielle and crap.
Hotties : Meh, hot yea. Dylan, Oliver (I think hes gay) and Jack.
Sexual Tension : Between a few.
Romance : Its not getting there yet.
Fight Sequences : Not much of it yet.
Deaths : 2
Teenage Angst : Not much either.
Comments : This was a pretty good read, I liked how Angels were involved, they're very rich and kind of like Gossip girl minus the drama and plus the vampires. There's no angst just yet and I love how everything is fixed starting with the Plymouth embarking and the Croatans and how they find out they're a blue bloods. The thing I didn't like was the whole fact that sometimes within blue bloods twins marry one another. Thats gross. -.- Lol.
Stars : 5/10 stars. (because I want to read the next part)

Movie list! (to download)

2010-09-13T21:03:00.006+03:00

I want to download more movies. T-T

10 things I hate about you
Napoleon
Marie antoinette
Copying Beethoven
Bedazzled
Sleepy Hollow *yay*
A room with a view [2008]
Music from another room
Music of the heart
Dear John
Jarhead
Pretty in Pink
Inception
Sex in the City 1 & 2
Sisterhood of the traveling pants 1 & 2
Funny Lady
Obsessed
Land of the Lost
Monsters vs alien
All about steve
Love happens
Ninja Assassin
Serious Moonlight
Secret to Moonacre
Caramel
College
Cats and Dogs the movie
G force
(500) Days of Summer
A Christmas Carol
Horton Hears a Who!
Original Sin
Wuthering Heigths (2009)

I can't think of anymore.

[VTOP] House of Night - Burned

2010-09-10T20:56:00.002+03:00

Day: Lets start back to 7 and then I'll actually count the days. ^-^
Title : Burned
Series : House of Night
Volume : 7
Author : P.C. and Kristin Cast
Hero/Heroine: Zoey Redbird
Werewolves : Non-existent!
Vampire : The Red One is someone to admire. Shes so nice. Stark is so honorable and strong and shizz.
Witches : They get to Scotland and you'll find a whole different power. So cool.
Gods/Goddesses : Nyx keeps on showing up. Poor Kalona so freaking heart broken.
Hotties : Rephaim! REPHAIM! REPHAIM AS AN AMERICAN INDIAN! REPHAIM! STARK! HEATH!
Sexual Tension : Somewhere near the end and between the beauty and the beast.
Romance : The beauty and the beast start to feel something between each other thats beyond their blood bond and more is to come from Stark and Zoey.
Fight Sequences : The one with the bulls was so awesome but the Kalona made arena was just FULL ON COOL.
Deaths : 1 + I dunno 4-5?
Teenage Angst : Boy issues for the red one.
Comments : Now, this is annoying. Its the last book that came out so far. I can't wait for awaken. I might buy it for myself. Anyways, this Volume was amazing. I especially looked forward to what happens between Rephaim and Stevie Rae. I think they're my favorite pair since Stark and Zoey which was fairly new. Some many things about this book I really really liked. But I rather not get into the details because they'll be spoilers for you guys! ^-^ This series is highly RECOMMENDED!
Stars : 9/10 stars.

[VTOP] House of Night - Tempted

2010-09-07T14:36:00.002+03:00

Day: 6 (3 days after I read Hunted)
Title : Tempted
Series : House of Night
Volume : 6
Author : P.C. and Kristin Cast
Hero/Heroine: Zoey Redbird
Werewolves : Non-existent!
Vampire : Stark is such a great vamp. Erik sucks as a vamp and Darius is just *-*.
Witches : They're more powerful now then ever and Jack (giggles) Electron gift from Nyx? Seriously?
Gods/Goddesses : A Nyx incarnate and her consort Erebus. BULLSHIT. Go die Neferet.
Hotties : STARK! STARK! STARK! STARK! STARK! STARK!
Sexual Tension : Not much. But theres a lot of fluff. But the raven boy part was kind of ewe.
Romance : -.- not much.
Fight Sequences : Some, but not all. More like struggle and stuffies.
Deaths : 2
Teenage Angst : Boy issues, over and over again.
Comments : This was a good read. I loved how so many things started happening and all that it made me feel all O_O thats so cool and shit. Stark and Darius become extra special to their girls and Stevie Rae gets buddy buddy with a rave dude. I'd say OMG! I love this. But the ending sucked. I hated the ending. If you're reading this volume you better have the next book ready for you on your shelf.
Stars : 8/10 stars.

[VTOP] House of Night - Hunted

2010-09-07T14:28:00.003+03:00

Day: 5 (didn't read until like 3 days later, so that does count)
Title : Hunted
Series : House of Night
Volume : 5
Author : P.C. and Kristin Cast
Hero/Heroine: Zoey Redbird
Werewolves : Never coming!
Vampire : Neferet is such a bitch. Shes getting more powerful and its pissing me off. She needs to die!
Witches : They're beginning to learn how to use their powers more fully.
Gods/Goddesses : Mr. Lucifer gets kicked to Timbuktu.
Hotties : Darius, Stark, Heath, Kalona. Oh and fuck Erik he is so uncool.
Sexual Tension : Here and there
Romance : O-O
Fight Sequences : Birdies are really killing right now. Its not even normal. They're creepy.
Deaths : -
Teenage Angst : Still vague
Comments : I don't remember what happened much cause I went through this book and then to the next and completely forgot to write this and got confused on which book says what. It tends to get confusing when there are too many volumes. But I love it either way. Anyways, this book was so exciting and the amount of people having near death experiences is really making me go all O_O and all X-X. Oh yea, and Kalona is just -.-'
Stars : 5/10 stars.

[VTOP] House of Night - Untamed

2010-08-31T20:04:00.002+03:00

Day: 4
Title : Untamed
Series : House of Night
Volume : 4
Author : P.C. and Kristin Cast
Hero/Heroine: Zoey Redbird
Werewolves : No wolves just a very big yellow dog.
Vampire : I got over the adult backstabbing vampires. Now, I'm loving the Kool as adult vamp warriors. Super kool.
Witches : Grandma Redbird is awesome and Zoey and her friends are really getting way too awesome for their own good.
Gods/Goddesses : A lucifer popped out. I think he was more like Zeus or something. Nyx is still as awesome as she always was.
Hotties : Darius and Erik is just. *argh*
Sexual Tension : Not much.
Romance : -.-
Fight Sequences : Does fighting birds count. I think they're going to have to kick the entire schools ass for this.
Deaths : almost.
Teenage Angst : Theres a vague amount of it.
Comments : Loving this volume. It actually had a fair about of everything and it balanced itself out except the part when the prophecy came in and totally kicked me in the butt. Theres a GOD?! I like things being matriarchal. Its much much cooler. *is totally not being sexist* ^-^I find it really admiring how The Casts wrote this. Loving the Mother daughter team work here. Its simply unputdownable. *I can't believe I just used that word*
Stars : 7.5/10 stars.

[VTOP] House of Night - Chosen

2010-08-30T20:23:00.002+03:00

Day: 3
Title : Chosen
Series : House of Night
Volume : 3
Author : P.C. and Kristin Cast
Hero/Heroine: Zoey Redbird
Werewolves : None yet. But somehow I expect some to pop up.
Vampire : Okay, Stereotype Vamps starting showing up and I'm starting to really hate the adult vampires they're backstabbing bitches!
Witches : (are technically vamps) They're all getting pretty powerful and it amazes me on how cool their powers are! With the swooosh! Bam! BOOOm!
Gods/Goddesses : :D
Hotties : I hate Loren, I hate Erik! I hate all the guys in this! Cept Jack and Damien.
Sexual Tension : Fuck the tension. It sucks.
Romance : Screw this too!
Fight Sequences : Yes, and I wished it ended that evil backstabbing bitch! ARGH!
Deaths : 2
Teenage Angst : Made me cry like a baby. Its not even funny.
Comments : This Volume got me so pissed off as soon as I finished the last few chapters. This is unbelievable. Now, Zoeys gotta deal with this crap on her own!?? You've got to be kidding me.
Stars : 6/10 stars.

[VTOP] House of Night - Betrayed

2010-08-29T21:28:00.005+03:00

Just a reminder: I won't post of actual details of the books. I don't want to spoil it for anyone.

Day: 2
Title : Betrayed
Series : House of Night
Volume : 2
Author : P.C. and Kristin Cast
Hero/Heroine: Zoey Redbird
Werewolves : None yet. But somehow I expect some to pop up.
Vampire : They're getting cooler with every volume I read.
Witches : They're getting powerful! Its exciting!
Gods/Goddesses : :D
Hotties : Loren gets added to the bunch of guys thats on the spotlight this time. Together with more of Heath and Drew and Cole popping in.
Sexual Tension : Getting more intense guys! Hold onto your bookmarks (okay that was lame)
Romance : Loving it. Loving it. Give me more!
Fight Sequences : Once, and it was pretty cool. The elements are involved as well as a tunnel.
Deaths : *cries*
Teenage Angst : Angst is reeling in, not that bad. Its just how shitty she feels cause of all the stress and pressure she has to deal with .
Comments : The second book made me go "OMG" as much as the first one did. I don't think I'll ever get bored with this series (I might change my mind as I get into it more, maybe not). The best parts is the friendship shared within the group. I wish I had friends like that. *sigh* As well as the tension. *wipes brow* damn. I never know what will happen next and that keeps me reading!
Stars : 7.5/10 stars!

[VTOP] House of Night - Marked

2010-08-29T21:10:00.004+03:00

I've made a little form kind of thing so I can fill it out every time I finish a Vamp Book.

Day : 1
Title : Marked
Series : House of Night
Volume : 1
Author : P.C. and Kristin Cast
Hero/Heroine: Zoey Redbird
Werewolves : None, I was really getting sick of them. I started seeing them in every typical vampire book. But this one doesn't seem to have any. Not in the first volume anyways.
Vampire : Most of them are! But I love how humane they are. They're powerful, beautiful and very unique. This is the first time I've heard of pretty tattoos on vampyres!
Witches : Vampyres in this book don't need witches. They're super powerful themselves with the powers of Nyx and the 5 elements.
Gods/Goddesses : Yep, again I say, this is so different from other vamp books I've heard of! I might change my mind once I get deeper into this project.
Hotties : TONS and I'm not kidding. Erik, Loren, Heath, and the list goes on.
Sexual Tension : The best parts of every vamp book! Its like they're about to but they never do. Cliffhanger much?
Romance : In this book lots. Makes me swoon every time the "Protector" comes in and wipes our heroines tears off.
Fight Sequences : Not much of it in the first book.
Deaths : nooot tellling!
Teenage Angst : I'm so happy to say this ! There isn't much of teenage angst in this volume and I ❤ the authors for it.
Comments : This was a great book. I couldn't stop turning the pages. Every time I put the book down I had to fight the urge to pick it up again. Love how Zoeys life is played. Slightly reminds me of HP because of the how she gets marked and gets called to a boarding school (thats like a castle) for vampyres so they can learn about vampyres as they go through the change of turning into one. Not much of fangs involved, not yet anyways!
Stars : 7/10 stars!

Vamp take over project

2010-08-29T21:06:00.002+03:00

I brought excitement to myself as I came up with the idea of reading all the best selling vampire books out there. Since it is a trend right now. I'd like to see why each series and one-shot books are selling so well within the teen circle and how its taking over the book as well as the movie scene.

Lets see how far I get with this one!

Indifferent

2010-08-09T23:04:00.002+03:00

It seems as if the opposites always sees us as the kind that will stay put at home, with no friends and no other life other than home duties and boredom and when we do figure out a way to wiggle ourselves out with the specs of dust that grows between the red and yellow bricks of the pavement. (also known as our friends who finally enter our lives and the opposites don't seem to care whether or not we are at home or out there on our own without them)

I'm surprised by the images of myself always constantly feeling jealous, out-landed and an obscure amount of dislike whenever the opposites seem to bounce around the world like its nothing but a smoothly flattened surface with not even a bumpy spec about it.

I dream of that one day, when I stop feeling so raveled and so unfair towards the opposites. I was never the victim but the suspect of such a hopeless crime that even the longest time in exile will never change.

Hoorah for my hopelessness and welted hopes of ever changing.

Plain silly

2010-08-09T21:56:00.002+03:00

Magic magic
Boom boom?

I'm tired.
I'm wondering what I'll be doing in the next few days.
Ramadan is close I don't know what I'll be doing.
I wonder if anyone reads my blog. anyone? hellloooo?

*hears an echo*

okay... how sad.

the magic words are...

2010-06-22T20:59:00.002+03:00

Wonderful, every little detail of the current week is just WONDERFUL. meh.
How come I find it that every time our Alma mater graces us with exams they decide to dump all this shit on me. Are you guys really that bored or what? You all do know that IM FUCKING TRYING TO GET INTO HONORS and keeping my grades up amongst an easy curriculum is difficult cause I'm not the only one with the 1.12GPA. NO ONE seems to understand the main point why I'm so pissed off at you people when you appoint me with a large to do list and you begin to bitch because I FOR THE FIRST TIME don't do as I am told to do for like 5 minutes and I end up doing it anyways. ITS EXAM WEEK PEOPLE! Its the most important part of my fucking goal I want to achieve. If you are so determined to distract me from my ONE GOAL I really want to accomplish in front of actual people for the first time in my ENTIRE life. Go screw yourself. I. AM. NOT. LETTING ANYONE GET IN MY WAY.

No one.

writers lost perception.

2010-06-22T17:20:00.001+03:00

I feel ARGH.

.-.

grueling

2010-05-20T23:26:00.003+03:00

I've began to feel the wearisome depths of my mind. It has been neglecting me. I have started to feel normal. I don't see that ever inspirational darkness I once had constantly. Ha. I guess, I didn't need to pay a shrink. It was all due time. All due fucking time. I assume it was all because of my present solitude I'm contemplating on what I've lost and gained. I watched as the pieces of my personality undulate.

ire and envy.

2010-05-20T23:02:00.002+03:00

with every indignation i feel towards the despicable sin we call envy. I have dropped utterly to my knees in front of it. I'm sorry, I'm now drawn to feel as if I was you when you watched me leave your radar.

indignation.

2010-05-20T22:53:00.002+03:00

What have I done to deserve the selflessness that you treat me with? Have I done anything utterly vexatious to deserve this downright immaturity play that you never were. That loathsome entity has done so much more to you than I ever did. Do you honestly think I fall under that belt of obnoxiousness? Do you contemplate with integrity, that I am able to downgrade my maturity level enough to utterly betray you? I haven't had the rightfulness to even try. That is after all what friendship is, right?

Have you always been thus? Have you always been a duplicitous and inscrutable asshole, with the ability to change the mask you call your face, around others? You two-faced dick.

I'm disappointed and most of all I'm hurt.
You're nothing but one of them.

Making up for experiences

2010-03-16T15:11:00.003+03:00

I'm involved in:

Essay writing for 'Environmental Awareness'
Cheerleading for sportsfest
Designing Posters
and so much freaking more.

I'm excited that I'm actually being really active.
It makes me feel so productive.~ w00t!

Anniversary

2010-01-14T21:32:00.003+03:00

One whole year yesterday!
I love you hun. ♥

I hope we'll grow as a couple and will continue how we are now but with a little awesome kinks in between. ♥o♥ Hehehehehe. *hugs*

Picture above is of Ani our new addition to the family. ^^ Given to me by you know who.

Inspiration ♥

2010-01-02T15:55:00.003+03:00

Inspiration (c) Najla Qamber

To be inspired is great, but to inspire is an honor
- Najla Qamber

2010 Typography

2010-01-01T20:08:00.003+03:00

Decade (c) Najla Qamber
Image (c) Najla Qamber

Since DA doesn't work.
I'm going to post this up here.

Let me explain this little piece of art.
Decade, is created to look vintage since 2010 is a mark of age. Another year ended another year begins. Basically, We're getting old.

Stroke

2010-01-01T14:11:00.002+03:00

Started this a few days ago. I was inspired to draw with color pencils so I did. I'm not very good at it. But I tried! I'll try again soon.

For now, I'm going to finish designing my 2010 Calender. I'll show you guys how it looks after I'm done with all 12 months done.

a/n: for some odd reason I drew yomis eyes a little softer than the pic. dang it. T-T I always do this.

i -.- ed

2009-12-31T15:02:00.002+03:00

My unofficial last entry of the year.
This year was an eventful one, worked, college, & Kal.

Theres more to it.
First off, would be Kal.
January 13, Our first date and the beginning of a wonderful relationship. I wouldn't change it for the world. I wish I could say more. But I don't have the writers sense right now to continue on.

Work.
May 31st, I resigned.
After wonderful 8 months of being an Intern doing a Junior Designers work (YAY), I've learned so much and I thank you all who was a part of it and I miss you guys too. T^T Most of you left already. T^T.

College.
OMG! Finally, my phobia is no more and I'm glad. I've finished a semester and I'm proud! YOU BETTER BE TOO. I haven't gone to school since I was 8.

Renz&Naj Day!

It happened! Hahahahaha.

That is all.
Not in the writing mood right now.

Cold

2009-12-13T21:06:00.003+03:00

Cold (c) Najla Qamber
Image (c) Najla Qamber

I'm cold, really cold sometimes. So cold that no one can ever think its me thinking those heartless things. Revenge is sweet, yes. But anger mixed with that. Damn, its too much. I hate it when I'm like that. Its like I can't think of anything else to help me ease my pain and all I want to do is inflict it to that one person who is hurts me constantly. Can I be that heartless? or am I just that angry at people who hurt me? I've thought of it so many times and I'm not very proud of it. Not very proud of it at all. I feel as though its gotten worse each time. Well, frankly, its cause I don't do shit to ease it. It just has to go away on its own.

So much of being me. So much for being that kind, supportive, guiding person everyone knows.
Theres always a second side to someone right? that side behind the sweetness or the side behind the bitterness.

To feel it constantly is like slicing your hand so deep that you could see the bone and to feel that blood flow is like the tears that never will give itself to fall. "Never" it says "Never will I give in to the temptations of an heart felt pain" it continues "Nothings going make us jump" it finishes.

Indeed don't commit that saddening sin that is suicide. Its never worth the tears, or pain. For when it does fall when it does commit that sin. The tears will feel like boiling hot lava piercing its way down my cheeks. It burns too much to stop the tears from falling. It won't stop. It'll never stop.

I can see it. The coldness.

I wish I was without that flaw.

Spring of Culture Talent Competition

2009-12-12T14:06:00.003+03:00

Hopefully I'll get chosen. I'm joining in the visual arts category. (Painting)
Since they don't have Computer Generated Arts I can't send out my manips. sadly. T-T

Zephrina

2009-12-11T17:06:00.004+03:00

We found her at Uni, actually Katie and Jp did.
She was hit by a car and had a broken leg. We saved her and Naz took her home to feed and mend her. We took her to the vet. He said there was nothing he could do. It was too late. She didn't survive long she died this morning. There was nothing we could do.

R.I.P. Kitten Zephrina

unaccomplished

2009-12-09T21:29:00.002+03:00

mood: annoyed
listening to: abduction-interlude

Looking around my neglected accounts on art communities online. I've realized that I've been so inactive lately, and have been neglecting the arts. Which I should say I love the most. Rather than Business. After resigning from work and bringing all the arts to a halt temporarily, I feel so unaccomplished and useless. I had that feeling. I remember the times when I was always doing something that would rather improve my skills rather than stop until I forget about it entirely. Its ridiculous.

I hate having insecurities.
I always need something to look up to.
I always need something to tell me that I'm going somewhere.
I always need to be an overachiever to feel good about myself.
I want to make a difference.
I want to be inspired and inspire.

It devouring, its idiocy.

then again who doesn't want that. (I always like to think that I'm the only one. Again, who doesn't?)

word count - 189

*sigh*

Calamity in the works

2009-11-26T23:37:00.006+03:00

mood: productive
listening to: Shindaze Sekai - heidi.

Working on my latest project. Check out the WIPs.

and me during the 4 hour project.

WIP 1
Comping of the background and horse

WIP 2
Comping of model

WIP 3
Comping of Dress

WIP 4
Comping of Legs

WIP 5
Comping of Hair

WIP 6
Color Change

Finished Pieces : http://redeemer-of-light.deviantart.com/art/Calamity-144875883, http://redeemer-of-light.deviantart.com/art/Calamity-002-144876211

-End-

Random piece from Unrequited

2009-10-23T21:07:00.002+03:00

Fight sequence between Scarlet and the Third person in scarlets and Dafoes love life.

"I may be too little into society but I have experienced difficulties you'll never ever imagine! I know what is right and wrong, whether or not I am too little or too much into society. You on the other hand, too much into society and you bring nothing but agony to anyone who is yet to know your persona. Your concept of right and wrong is to vague for you to even think or say that I'm just a beginner into society. I have long years ahead of you. You are nothing but a naive, immature, obnoxious, attention seeking woman with all the fake virtues that every good woman should have. You are nothing compared to me. Don't ever insult me thus again. I don't know why I tolerate you so." I turned away immediately storming out. Leaving her and Mr.Dafoe in an awe. The moment I stepped outside. I stopped and thought for a long while before breaking into tears. My heart only now realizing how much it hurt to be insulted thus. Maybe I am to sensitive. No, I have too much repressed feeling tucked into my little pieces of my heart. I clutched the side of my dress and walked quickly to the lake. I sat there and quivered.

"My hopes were all dead-struck with a subtle doom, in night, fell it shivered away from my heart"

2009-10-22T15:56:00.002+03:00

Mood: Indifferent

Call me selfish or competitive I might be one or both. I'm just having one of those times when I feel so productive that again instead of doing what I should. I ponder on my confidence level and lower it myself. Lol. Its unhealthy I know. But it can also be a good thing? I think. I know what you're thinking "So hurting yourself Naj would be a grand thing?" Lmao. Or something like that in a less writers format. Yes, I'm in that mode too. >.< style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">n't do everything at one time. Take it easy.

Imagine that.
I don't know, I miss those eight months of my life. Where I was often called the next generation of something. *sigh* Those were times when I actually smiled my brightest smiles. For some reason I feel disappointed.

-Naj

enough.

2009-10-15T09:38:00.000+03:00

Enjoy life guys. You know its crap.

Memories that haunt and scare.

2009-10-05T17:56:00.002+03:00

mood: slightly annoyed.
listening to: nothing.

Well, I miss you blog.
You know I can never actually leave you or not vent out on you anymore.
Its just not possible at all. What was my actual reason for starting a blog? hmm... I don't quite remember. I think it was cause I was sick and tired of writing "Dear diary, today I..." with colored feathery girlie pens. Sorry, that doesn't work for me. Actually, I haven't had the time to actually sit down and give a whole hour to myself. Since, I don't feel like manipulating I'll just blog.~ at least I can dwell a bit in the depths of my echoie mind. haha. okay. my rooms too fucking quiet. Nada turned off the ac. I'll just randomly bull shit and say. I'm not really in the mood to do anything productive yet I fell like it. But I don't really want to.

Yes, I contradict myself.

1st no show.

2009-09-09T12:24:00.003+03:00

Excellent! An hour break then lab.

Uni, 2nd day

2009-09-09T12:24:00.001+03:00

Only one class. Boring 1 2. Sigh.

Unspoken words

2009-09-03T22:58:00.002+03:00

Closure statement.

Since I didn't really finish what I was saying in that AA cirlce. CAUSE EVERYONE FUCKING KEPT INTRUPTING ME AND THEY EVEN FORGOT THAT IT WAS MY TURN. (why doesn't people want to hear it from me? honestly?) Official closure. I have accepted the fact that Nikki and I have drifted away, weeks after I realized it which was over a year a go. I'm happier with or without her if she needs me I'll be there, otherwise I do not trust her with valuable info and in real life its either you don't have a bestfriend or you just have one and honestly I can't wait to get out of my teens so I can walk away from drama. People don't respect me enough. Anyways. Only people I'll get really close with right now are just going to be my good friends not best. My rule would be 'ONE BESTFRIEND ONLY!* (possibly two if a boyfriend(thats like a love and bestfriend in one) is involved) hehehehe. anyways. I'm going to be mean but its the truth. I don't care what goes on in her life. If she wants to be closed. I don't care. She says bad shit about me I don't care. But if its about other people that when I really flip and thats what happened for the 3 days of practice we had this week. Shes become intolerable which affected everyone. (obviously) but in the end I let it go. but then it got brought up once again. Which affected me cause I didn't get to finish damnit. anyways I don't care. Its done and over with. All I'm saying is the company is too personal. Boundaries need to be set and they will be set for me. IM GOING TO SAY THIS ONCE SO EVERYONE GET IT IN YOUR HEAD. I'm just Nikkis friend. GET OVER IT. I DONT CAST YOU OUT. NEITHER DO I CARE IF YOU CAST ME OUT. CAUSE FOR SURE I DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU AND NADAS CONVERSATIONS. SO STFU. YOUR NADAS BESTFRIEND FROM THE BEGINNING SO WHY SHOULD I BE OFFENDED IF YOU MISCELLOUSLY DECIDED TO BE WITHOUT ME. I DO NOT MIND. I DO NOT CARE. END OF STORY. WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT FRIENDS. ITS NOT FOREVER. BLEH. WE HAVE A WHOLE WORLD AHEAD OF US. ITS ACCEPT AND MOVE ON. GEEZ. DRAMA QUEEN SERIOUSLY. SO STUPID. I LET IT GO ALREADY. YOU SHOULD TOO. GET OVER EVERYTHING ALREADY. GOSH. GROW UP. SELFISH BITCH. (sorry to those who get offended at that, I just think its fair I get to vent out somehow too)

That was out of anger yes. but I still do care for her and want her to see what shes doing to everyone and to herself. but I guess she needs to find out on her own. I'm done trying. Cause today I saw and accepted the changed Nikki. I still love her. Its just not as strong as it should be.
Since nothing is going to change. Might as well go on with my life. Haha. yes I gave up that easily. why? cause its a hopeless case.

I just blew up cause Nikki wasn't only hurting me anymore. She was hurting everyone. I only get too far with my tolerance and patience, but one word against... umm... lets just put it this way, I could be the mother lion trying to protect her cubs. something like that. okay maybe I'm just that protective to a select few people (Nada, Renz, Kal (if hes affected but hes not) etc.) but still.

Other than that, its an office not a freaking drama club. WHEN ITS WORKING HOURS. WORK! do NOT slack off. Get there on time and work when its done go home. end of story. I DONT GO THERE TO COME HOME EVERYDAY WITH A SAD, PISSY MOOD. I'M GETTING SICK CAUSE OF THIS SHIT. LITERALLY! only 2 weeks of this shit getting too intolerable and I'm already getting really really feverish and weak. another 2 weeks, I'll get sent to the hospital and this shit is not worth it. SET A BOUNDARY. I've done that since this thing started. Did what I had to do went home when transport is permitted. Other than that I keep to myself and talk randomly amongst friends or watch practices since I'm done with my hours then home. End of story. I've worked in an office before so I know how I should be with or without my friends as my co-workers. [BOUNDARY]

Anyways, I'm done with that and this is the last time I'll be thinking about or talking about it unless it is brought up again, I'll only reply if I have to, otherwise I'll just listen.

Officially closed.
Drama no longer exsists in my world as long as I can help it. (Neutralism)

Got a problem with that? EXECUTE ME!

Now, I feel much better. No more weight on my shoulders. Still feel sick though.
Hmmmmm... I like the smell of my pjs. Smells like comfort. Lets start with the logo shall we.

Year 1000.

2009-08-16T10:22:00.002+03:00

Its been a month since my last blog.

...

*cough* confession *cough*

Its been a long week. Literally. I was staying over at Naz's the whole time and its tiring but fun. Wake up at around 8am, eat breakfast with mother who usually comes over at that time. Then leave and I always end up going with her to the bank despite how messy I look then home, shower then I watch TrueBlood until it was time to leave again at around one. Then Dance Practice/Design Meeting. So it was like that for about 4 days. I got a little pissed at the fact that sometimes we just don't fucking practice. The show has been postproned yes. But that doesn't mean we have to stop. Cause after this week, I'm taking the whole week off for myself and school. bleh. Its starting the week after and I'm not sure if I'm ready but we'll see. I'm a little scared but who isn't?

Oh my.

2009-07-23T12:37:00.000+03:00

That last entry was stupid. >.<

*Sigh*

when I was murdered virtually.

2009-07-02T13:41:00.004+03:00

mood: .-. <- ultimate upside down sad man face
listening to: Quarter Life ~ lynch

Sometimes I really hate it when I know people read this pathetic piece of shit. I don't really care anymore. Cause they JUST read it. Its not like they do anything about it if I said something sad or if I'm disappointed or scared or freaking unhappy. None of you do shit. Its pretty much like having that journal always hidden under your pillow. You're all just reading thoughts and thats it eh?

Fuck it.

I had a little revelation its that kind thats usually called 'Left'. Not the advejective the verb. yes. left. left out. left alone. LEFT. I hate it when I remember 'left'....................... Oh fuck it. I'm not going to be discreet anymore and sugar coat what I really mean. I'll just pretend that this is just a private blog that no one reads so i can speak my mind. fuck hell no am I going to try and talk to you guys again about this its just the fucking same shit over and over again. Okay, I don't like it when i'm left out. I get really really really really angry that instead of absorbing myself in that feeling of being left out I absorb myself in that anger and out of anger, since I don't hurt myself anymore I just take it out with this little shitty blog entry OR! or I take it out on art or getting better in so many other things. This anger turns into need and that need can't be met until I'm satisfied with what I've done with that anger. But still nothing. I get really determined to replace everyone with things that don't even talk. If not that then with what I can do. Thats why I was a fucking loner at some point. Stayed home, built useless jobs for myself and created things. Drew things. Disappeared in my own little world for the fucking last four years and to come out of it to begin again. Dreadful I tell you.

Honestly, I did tell every one of you how I felt about these things and the response was either nothing at all or yea, its okay. I know! okay. I know! that you don't even bother with invitations cause well cause you know I'll say no cause of my parents but still. Its still nice to hear them. I have so many different groups of friends and to feel left out in every group just adds to the anger. I just realized how fucking pathetic I'm being. WELL! I CAN'T HELP MYSELF. Its too much for me sometimes okay? So quit it with your judging. I hate it when people judge me. Especially those I care for the most. Its just too cruel.

I really loved working at least then I didn't have time to think about this shit. Its not worth it. But I still do. Cause it still hurts. Renz for example probably thinks I'm talking bullshit and thinking maybe I was just being cute or just trying to complain about shit just for shits or for his entertainment. Well, renz. I'm not. I'm 110% serious. and yet he does nothing then kal does pretty much the same thing but with an added 'Its okay, hun' <- maybe the same thing renz would say. If I tell Nasreen. Oh yea I know what her answer would be. "Fuck them. They're all cunts. Go out with me that way you'll skip their childish attempts of being friends with you." blah blah blah and yasy! yasy, feels my pain. *huggles yasy* mary feels my pain too *huggles her aswell*

that concluded my selfish disdain of feeling left out. I bet you guys don't remember what you read. HAHAHAHAAHAHA. You can do nothing about this now. I'm going to go to something more useless like maybe sulk about deviantart and get inspired enough to make a burning red deviation to show everyone how freaking angry I am. I'm not the only useless thing anymore.

fuck you.

My little disappointment

2009-06-22T20:45:00.002+03:00

One fine day, the day I was actually excited about. Seeing my unisono family again, plus it was on the occasion of my birthday. Little did they know I did not invite anyone but them and a few outsiders just so I can have my attention solely on them. But no. They choose to stand me up with their peti excuses and leave me with disappointment. Never thought I would have that from them. *sniff* I should've known, they would rather be out somewhere else rather than spend time with me. That teenager that left.

gah... not a good time for him. bestie isn't on. why is it always when I need them the most.

The stray entry

2009-06-18T21:07:00.001+03:00

A supposed journal entry dat strayed away and ended up in da first pages of my sketch book.

One, Two, Step Ahead.

2009-06-17T21:40:00.002+03:00

mood: bleh
listening to: recall ~ sadie

Somethings seem so beautiful that it'll make you cry. Some times the most beautiful moments are taken for granted and is brushed away like it was the dust on your shirt, or the curtain on your window and we let it go most of the time. But when we have enough even a sorry we never hear. They'll always notice their hearts more when we're not there anymore. When they see us walk away with our fists clenching and eyes filled with unshed tears. They say 'What have I done?'. They'll always be doing something wrong. Always have something to hurt the other. but not enough to satisfy their esteem I think. They'll just keep doing it. Why is it that sometimes a person loves you so much everyone can see it but you. Reminds me of bad times. Bad plays of the heart.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! random thoughts of the day.~

late night

2009-05-27T01:15:00.007+03:00

1:16am

Muted the mic and turned off the cam.
I'm not bothered to let out my hidden feelings in a book, nor to call my bestfriend cause I know how much you hate me running to him instead of you. I guess, when I do want to run to you its either you're out somewhere or you're too tired that I don't even bother anymore. Why am I typing this up? This time I won't just forget the problem and just let it rot in my insides cause later on that'll just come back and hurt me with even more impact. I just want you to know, even if I'm not sure you'll read this because I'm not going to tell you to.

Sometimes, I can deal with your mood swings as I try to get used to it and understand even if your sharp tone just seems to like hurting me the most. I ignore, and comfort you the ways I can even if I suck at it every bit I try. I try my best and I'm sorry if I can be useless sometimes. Trust me it hurts me the most cause I can't seem to make you smile when you need to the most. I feel helpless and hurt cause even the tiniest things I can't do. Im sorry. Right now, I want nothing more than to go back a few hours and just say 'Hey hun, I missed you' when you called. I wished I just listened to what happened to you without thinking about how I felt. I guess, I couldn't this time. It just bugged me so much that I felt a little angry as well as upset and I'm sorry. I'm too emotional. hahahaha.

I can't sleep. I always thought it stupid to cry. It'll just tire you out you know. So I never do it unless I can't help it. This is one of those times I think. You've taken a toll on me, never been this upset since that time you came home a little out of mind a couple of weeks ago and you asked why I was on the phone with renz?. Lets just say I don't like being called clinging. Thats like one of the reasons why a certain someone wouldn't give a moment to think I would be a good enough girlfriend for him. I was afraid, so afraid of losing you. I promised myself long ago that I wouldn't make the same mistakes again and I did just ever so slightly, I felt neglected what was I supposed to do? stay as far away from you as possible? That'll hurt me more than being neglected. I came back from the Philippines to someone so busy and stressed.
I didn't mind it much, I tried to be there, helped you in any way I can, tried to make you smile when you needed it, told you to take care of yourself cause I wasn't always around to do it for you. But you can never help the feeling of neglection. No matter how hard I try, I'll always be clingy when I miss someone. I can't help it. But for you, I'll try not to "annoy" you with my attention and hugs for that I'm sorry too.

Main point is, you've been out of your all too usual mood all week and it hasn't just affected you hun, it affected me as well. I worry about you sometimes- all the time and when I ask whats wrong you never answer the way I want you too cause you can't. I don't even know why I even try asking you a couple of more times it'll just bring out that 'shut up, you're annoying' tone that you use to make me feel so tiny, subconciously of course. Well, I can't help asking either. Sometimes I think if I don't ask anymore you'll think that I don't care. I don't know why that stupid notion came into mind. I feel like a kid, complaining about this all. I'm not even sure if I should post this up or not. gah, what the hell. I just had to get that off my chest otherwise I won't be able to sleep at all tonight.

Forgive me, hun if I'm being immature. I am after all only sixteen.

I love you so much kal. I'm sorry.

The case of the artist who cannot draw.

2009-05-25T21:05:00.002+03:00

mood: productive
listening to: SIN - LICKER

I've noticed something, that I'm starting to hate that I even took the time to notice. I've known this since I started drawing. but I can't draw without reference and its annoying!! Like wayyyyyyyy annoying. If I want originality I have to find a stock image as a base of anything I draw or paint. I know its normal to have like bits and pieces of each image that inspired you and all. But seriously what if its just something that pops in your head and you want to draw it as it is still fresh in your mind.

~ Change (in the house of flies) ~ Deftones

But nooooooooo I have to go online and search for an image that'll situ as your stupid base for a drawing. I just want to be like you know those really cool manga or comic book artists that just randomly draw shit into little panels and make it look so awesome in so many ways.

I'm wondering is this something that happens cause of the way you practiced drawing in the beginning? I don't think so cause I used to draw without reference but they're just the same poses with really bad anato...

THATS IT! I must venture more into the world of anatomy and draw draw draw! Lets start with realism shall we. This is going to be fun. I know exactly what to do when I'm done with work in the next 2 days. *-* OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I'm all fired up. I must continue!

*sketches*

34k

2009-05-25T14:03:00.001+03:00

4k all won booty grabbing in forums. Im addicted 2 it dat i cant work properly. Wah!

Bad news

2009-05-24T14:36:00.001+03:00

I just read nadas blog and she said one of our aunts died today. I just dont know which of our aunts has fallen ill and past away. Sigh. Fate has a way with us mortals.

Damn

2009-05-24T12:31:00.001+03:00

I am bored. Its okay. As lng as im busy on my last 2 days. Last day, on da 28th. Woah. Its almst there. I wonder if i can finish 3 mre books b4 uni. w00t.

7 habits!

2009-05-20T17:09:00.005+03:00

I was reading an article about Junior Designers and how many of them usually last in a studio. The ones that actually last longer are the ones who practice these seven habits:

Work quickly, produce a lot

Attend to details

Be versatile

Make an effort to learn

Anticipate problems

Set goals

Display a positive attitude

I'm happy cause thats pretty much what I do naturally! w00t w00t! Positivity is scary but it helps you to keep moving forward! yay!

http://www.lifeclever.com/talent-isnt-everything-7-habits-of-highly-effective-junior-designers/

My desk.

2009-05-20T14:17:00.002+03:00

I was planning 2 screenshot my section on da unisono website but I'm too busy to do that right now. Hopefully, I'll have the chance to tomorrow or next week.

http://inunisono.com/people.asp?roles=all&pageid=570 (my page in the website)

Honestly, I'm actually very happy that I'm working here. I guess my selfish disdain for fun came in and told me to quit to just kick it and rest. *sigh*

Life indeed will be one heck of a ride.

magic words

2009-05-18T09:21:00.002+03:00

mood: productive

listening to: Nails for breakfast Tacks for Snacks ~ Panic! at the disco

Well, I'm here at work being productive as ever cause I'm actually doing something.

Fixing up the unisono website. I'm actually making major changes to one of the pages. w00t.

I have logo shit to do later too. But first I wanna blog.

My hun is probably on his way to his driving test. I hope he passes! I'm sure he will.

I'm wondering what I'll be doing in the meantime when I resign. Hmmm... I wonder if I should just you know slack off again. Go out on weekends. The whole thing.

I'm worried I might end up regretting leaving this place. Its one of the best things that ever happened to me last year and this year as well. I've learned a lot and my character grew here. I'm no longer as shy as I usually am. I can speak out and just live. Not like before... I keep on holding back and staying away. This place taught me a lot in the last 8 months. I'm happy I actually took the chance working here. I fought my fears and it got me places. Now, I'm going to aim for doing the same with school. Watch out people! I'm not going to waste my youth working!

Colors

2009-05-17T16:31:00.001+03:00

Is our bestfriend. Swatch books are awesome. But are 2 expensive. Gah, i'm annoyed people are annoying me.

Dont forget

2009-05-17T14:04:00.001+03:00

Ahhhh. I was in da mood 2 draw.

What boredom brings.

2009-05-17T11:22:00.002+03:00

Since my Daylite is being a bitch and doesn't want to load. I thought maybe I should blog to wait it out. Yes, I've finished everything I needed to do today. I still have a meeting later but thats at 3pm.

Umm... I think everyone just recently found out I was leaving. Bwahahahahahahhahaha. Secrecy is awesome. While I waited for a certain someone to go on last night. I read a little then asked myself what happened to unrequited. Well, lets just say I haven't actually had the drive to continue writing. I would usually watch my usual victorian movies that sting a little then I write. (I need new movies) I used to write so much when I got hurt. Now, I'm just too happy. :D! Yay! but I can get my inspiration from that as well. But its taking awhile I guess. Since the story is still at its 'boo hoo' stage. Oh well. We'll have to wait and see.

Damn, I'm hungry.

Yesterday, was eventfully fun actually. I actually went out and took Nasser with me. Despite his potty breaks that he keeps complaining about. I guess hes alright to take out as long as we don't stay long walking about.

I've been thinking a lot. Naz is most likely going to ask me to sleep over her place when she moves back in Tubli being all scared and all as she usually is by herself in that place. Why don't I just pimp out my room and just move in. Of course only if theres internet. INTERNET = Life.

I am determined to finish Mr. Darcy takes a wife! TONIGHT! *-* wooot

Boredom

2009-05-14T17:22:00.001+03:00

Woah, im actually realy bored, i want 2 rearange my files in my harddrive. Its lil 2 messd up. Gr. I cnt wait 2 c my bby! Yay! Just a few mre minutes. Whoop. The entry b4 ths was postd by kuya john. He was playin wit my phne. Haha. A funny pic of tom.

Tom at d ofis

2009-05-14T14:43:00.001+03:00

Tomas

Internet!!!!

2009-05-13T17:04:00.002+03:00

The wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works.the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works.

GAHHHHHHH IM GOING CRAZY!!! *hitshead*

At cocos

2009-05-13T14:23:00.001+03:00

I wish i was with my kal. .-.

Im off 2 work

2009-05-13T09:25:00.001+03:00

Happy monthsary bby!

.12 days to relaxation

2009-05-12T09:55:00.001+03:00

And idleness. I can't wait. I'll be missing kal like mad because of the idleness but that just reminds me that im alive. Well atleast now i can focus on my art nt just digital but traditional. Its weird i had three different dreams last night and kal was in everyone of it. Theyre all drama sadly.

Pauls bday

2009-05-11T17:06:00.001+03:00

Cake! Im not really fond of it but whatever. Happy birthday paul l.! Get that mohawk already.

My jeans

2009-05-11T15:08:00.001+03:00

I dont like wearing the same jeans all over again. I need more jeans!

13th warriors

2009-05-10T11:58:00.003+03:00

Woot!

At the apartment

2009-05-10T11:58:00.001+03:00

Waiting, waiting, and more waiting. Sigh. I cant wait for what is to come.

Hme

2009-05-08T23:59:00.001+03:00

Nd i cn sleep. I think

At the diplomat

2009-05-08T23:57:00.001+03:00

Gah

5.52

2009-05-07T17:53:00.001+03:00

Almst tym.

Wat boredom brings

2009-05-07T17:18:00.001+03:00

Arabic keyboard

2009-05-07T14:15:00.001+03:00

Finally! I got an arabic keyboard.! Wohoo.

I r bored

2009-05-07T09:57:00.001+03:00

Nd i stil mis my bby

Fantasia.

2009-05-06T17:58:00.001+03:00

Gr

2009-05-06T17:27:00.001+03:00

I miss kal!!

Sunset

2009-05-06T17:17:00.001+03:00

5:15 almost there.

When looking for images are fun.

2009-05-06T16:54:00.001+03:00

Got a very long list of image place holders 2 find. It tottally consumed my time. Yay! One hour till its time 4 home.

Lunch tym.

2009-05-06T13:25:00.001+03:00

Time 2 check my email.

Sigh

2009-05-06T09:29:00.001+03:00

Bck 2 my lonely corner.

2009-05-05T19:08:00.002+03:00

Hme

2009-05-05T19:07:00.001+03:00

Yay! Nw 2 wait 4 my one nd only 2 cme hme.

Almst tym

2009-05-05T17:29:00.001+03:00

2 go hme.

Lolipop

2009-05-05T16:31:00.001+03:00

Yum. Strawberry.

Is 34 favs enough?

2009-05-05T16:27:00.001+03:00

Yes, it is!

Gah

2009-05-05T16:05:00.001+03:00

Grid system. Grid system. Im so annyed. Gah. Email template.

Kuya chito sharping his pencil

2009-05-05T15:42:00.001+03:00

So random

Lunch time

2009-05-05T13:05:00.001+03:00

First time in a very lng time most of da team ate 2gther.

Kuya chito pic 3

2009-05-05T12:06:00.001+03:00

Nd anthr one

Kuya chito pic 2

2009-05-05T12:05:00.001+03:00

Nd agen

Kuya chito pic 1

2009-05-05T12:01:00.001+03:00

Click 2 ful view

Haha.

2009-05-05T11:54:00.001+03:00

Whoop

Double bored

2009-05-05T11:47:00.001+03:00

No designer has wrk 2 do. Tym 2 play.

At wrk

2009-05-05T11:40:00.001+03:00

So bored...

light my fire

2009-05-02T16:42:00.002+03:00

Everyone has the will right?
The will to live, the will to die, will to be strong and fight, will to be brave and win.
How bout the will to be great?

Sometimes, I think as long as you start young and fresh you'll end up being someone in your future years (im speaking work wise) but isn't it the same thing for the old and worn out. Only difference is the age and the general out come cause of maybe more wisdom and maturity increased how great at something you are? Isn't everyone someone the moment they are born? I mean, you have a name and people who know that name isn't that being someone?

I wonder how and why my mind tends to be so morbid when the reason to live is faint. Its not cause of depression. Thats something I don't really find as my reason. I would sometimes just draw or paint or manipulate whatever when my emotions remain blank or unmoving. Its just natural. But when people see what I did they think otherwise.

I know now though. My work remains a slight bit happier.
If not happy maybe slightly more macabre or advant garde.

I don't get why nothing I work on has a story from the artist herself.

I don't get it.

when hiding under blankets seem too childish to do anymore.

2009-04-30T09:50:00.002+03:00

(changes mood too thoughts at the moment) Thoughts at the moment: "When I look back on everything that has happened the past 4 months. I just see how much has happened."

*sigh*
So I'm back.
Not much for writing up everything that has happened over at the Philippines here.
It was fun despite me wanting to come back here every minute of every day. Having something or someone so far away from me kinda drove me over the edge. Pissed me off actually. haha.
I'm glad I'm back though. Sigh.

Came back 5 days before the actual flight. I'm very happy about it at least now, I can actually take a breather from work and a vacation that didn't seem so much like a vacation. It was more tiring, walking about the areas like there is no such thing as cars. We had a couple of bad encounters. Close encounters with snatchers and killer taxi drivers that don't fucking give a damn if they're going to be hitting a person crossing the fucking street! DIE MURDERS!

Well then I'm glad thats over.
What I'm slightly worried about is work next week. I'm worried that maybe I've gotten used to the long days without it that when I go back I won't be staying long before I leave again in fright. Especially when my sister has left that job behind her. But thats just a slight worry. I know that theres something- sorry someone that'll keep me sane and will comfort me and make me forget that theres nothing to be afraid of. I need him as much as he needs me. >.< I dont think I can get through this without him. T-T and I thought I would be a fucked up loser, with no work and no courage. that all changed yea?.

I just remembered Naz telling me, "Dude... stop working, stop acting like youre freaking 45! and start being a kid again! You're too young to be a workacholic" Lol, I honestly don't know how the hell I got into all this. actually I do. Its cause of her! She passed my portofolio to my boss 7 months ago. *sigh* I'm so close to a year working there. A year experience at a full fledged design studio. That would look great on my cv. But now to create a portofolio. Looks like I'm going to have to print all my work. Time to call union! Too bad I'll just be there for like 9 months. and I'm gone. back to school for me. Maybe I'll be a freelancer until I'm done with both my business course and design course. I'll probably end up going to two different universities but thats alright. As long as I have experience and the degrees and all that freaking freelance work to add shit to my portfolio.

Never thought I'll be in this situation.

omg

2009-04-09T04:16:00.002+03:00

mood: awake
listening to: the tv.

They have nhk!!! OMG! *dies*

I miss everyone already.!!! grrrrrr

I'll be bak in manila on the 15th. 6 days in Davao? gahhhhhhhhhhhhh

noez.

Its 9:20 am here.

woke up at like 15 past 7.
my cousins slept over and I'm starving now.