late night

1:16am

Muted the mic and turned off the cam.
I'm not bothered to let out my hidden feelings in a book, nor to call my bestfriend cause I know how much you hate me running to him instead of you. I guess, when I do want to run to you its either you're out somewhere or you're too tired that I don't even bother anymore. Why am I typing this up? This time I won't just forget the problem and just let it rot in my insides cause later on that'll just come back and hurt me with even more impact. I just want you to know, even if I'm not sure you'll read this because I'm not going to tell you to.

Sometimes, I can deal with your mood swings as I try to get used to it and understand even if your sharp tone just seems to like hurting me the most. I ignore, and comfort you the ways I can even if I suck at it every bit I try. I try my best and I'm sorry if I can be useless sometimes. Trust me it hurts me the most cause I can't seem to make you smile when you need to the most. I feel helpless and hurt cause even the tiniest things I can't do. Im sorry. Right now, I want nothing more than to go back a few hours and just say 'Hey hun, I missed you' when you called. I wished I just listened to what happened to you without thinking about how I felt. I guess, I couldn't this time. It just bugged me so much that I felt a little angry as well as upset and I'm sorry. I'm too emotional. hahahaha.

I can't sleep. I always thought it stupid to cry. It'll just tire you out you know. So I never do it unless I can't help it. This is one of those times I think. You've taken a toll on me, never been this upset since that time you came home a little out of mind a couple of weeks ago and you asked why I was on the phone with renz?. Lets just say I don't like being called clinging. Thats like one of the reasons why a certain someone wouldn't give a moment to think I would be a good enough girlfriend for him. I was afraid, so afraid of losing you. I promised myself long ago that I wouldn't make the same mistakes again and I did just ever so slightly, I felt neglected what was I supposed to do? stay as far away from you as possible? That'll hurt me more than being neglected. I came back from the Philippines to someone so busy and stressed.
I didn't mind it much, I tried to be there, helped you in any way I can, tried to make you smile when you needed it, told you to take care of yourself cause I wasn't always around to do it for you. But you can never help the feeling of neglection. No matter how hard I try, I'll always be clingy when I miss someone. I can't help it. But for you, I'll try not to "annoy" you with my attention and hugs for that I'm sorry too.

Main point is, you've been out of your all too usual mood all week and it hasn't just affected you hun, it affected me as well. I worry about you sometimes- all the time and when I ask whats wrong you never answer the way I want you too cause you can't. I don't even know why I even try asking you a couple of more times it'll just bring out that 'shut up, you're annoying' tone that you use to make me feel so tiny, subconciously of course. Well, I can't help asking either. Sometimes I think if I don't ask anymore you'll think that I don't care. I don't know why that stupid notion came into mind. I feel like a kid, complaining about this all. I'm not even sure if I should post this up or not. gah, what the hell. I just had to get that off my chest otherwise I won't be able to sleep at all tonight.



Forgive me, hun if I'm being immature. I am after all only sixteen.

I love you so much kal. I'm sorry.

The case of the artist who cannot draw.

mood: productive
listening to: SIN - LICKER

I've noticed something, that I'm starting to hate that I even took the time to notice. I've known this since I started drawing. but I can't draw without reference and its annoying!! Like wayyyyyyyy annoying. If I want originality I have to find a stock image as a base of anything I draw or paint. I know its normal to have like bits and pieces of each image that inspired you and all. But seriously what if its just something that pops in your head and you want to draw it as it is still fresh in your mind.

~ Change (in the house of flies) ~ Deftones

But nooooooooo I have to go online and search for an image that'll situ as your stupid base for a drawing. I just want to be like you know those really cool manga or comic book artists that just randomly draw shit into little panels and make it look so awesome in so many ways.

I'm wondering is this something that happens cause of the way you practiced drawing in the beginning? I don't think so cause I used to draw without reference but they're just the same poses with really bad anato...

THATS IT! I must venture more into the world of anatomy and draw draw draw! Lets start with realism shall we. This is going to be fun. I know exactly what to do when I'm done with work in the next 2 days. *-* OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I'm all fired up. I must continue!

*sketches*

34k

4k all won booty grabbing in forums. Im addicted 2 it dat i cant work properly. Wah!

Bad news

I just read nadas blog and she said one of our aunts died today. I just dont know which of our aunts has fallen ill and past away. Sigh. Fate has a way with us mortals.

Damn

I am bored. Its okay. As lng as im busy on my last 2 days. Last day, on da 28th. Woah. Its almst there. I wonder if i can finish 3 mre books b4 uni. w00t.

7 habits!

I was reading an article about Junior Designers and how many of them usually last in a studio. The ones that actually last longer are the ones who practice these seven habits: 

Work quickly, produce a lot

Attend to details

Be versatile

Make an effort to learn

Anticipate problems

Set goals

Display a positive attitude

I'm happy cause thats pretty much what I do naturally! w00t w00t! Positivity is scary but it helps you to keep moving forward! yay! 

http://www.lifeclever.com/talent-isnt-everything-7-habits-of-highly-effective-junior-designers/

My desk.

I was planning 2 screenshot my section on da unisono website but I'm too busy to do that right now. Hopefully, I'll have the chance to tomorrow or next week. 

http://inunisono.com/people.asp?roles=all&pageid=570  (my page in the website) 

Honestly, I'm actually very happy that I'm working here. I guess my selfish disdain for fun came in and told me to quit to just kick it and rest. *sigh* 

Life indeed will be one heck of a ride. 

magic words

mood: productive

listening to: Nails for breakfast Tacks for Snacks ~ Panic! at the disco

Well, I'm here at work being productive as ever cause I'm actually doing something. 

Fixing up the unisono website. I'm actually making major changes to one of the pages. w00t. 

I have logo shit to do later too. But first I wanna blog. 

My hun is probably on his way to his driving test. I hope he passes! I'm sure he will. 

I'm wondering what I'll be doing in the meantime when I resign. Hmmm... I wonder if I should just you know slack off again. Go out on weekends. The whole thing. 

I'm worried I might end up regretting leaving this place. Its one of the best things that ever happened to me last year and this year as well. I've learned a lot and my character grew here. I'm no longer as shy as I usually am. I can speak out and just live. Not like before... I keep on holding back and staying away. This place taught me a lot in the last 8 months. I'm happy I actually took the chance working here. I fought my fears and it got me places. Now, I'm going to aim for doing the same with school. Watch out people! I'm not going to waste my youth working! 

Colors

Is our bestfriend. Swatch books are awesome. But are 2 expensive. Gah, i'm annoyed people are annoying me.

Dont forget

Ahhhh. I was in da mood 2 draw.

What boredom brings.

Since my Daylite is being a bitch and doesn't want to load. I thought maybe I should blog to wait it out. Yes, I've finished everything I needed to do today. I still have a meeting later but thats at 3pm. 

Umm... I think everyone just recently found out I was leaving. Bwahahahahahahhahaha. Secrecy is awesome. While I waited for a certain someone to go on last night. I read a little then asked myself what happened to unrequited. Well, lets just say I haven't actually had the drive to continue writing. I would usually watch my usual victorian movies that sting a little then I write. (I need new movies) I used to write so much when I got hurt. Now, I'm just too happy. :D! Yay! but I can get my inspiration from that as well. But its taking awhile I guess. Since the story is still at its 'boo hoo' stage. Oh well. We'll have to wait and see.

Damn, I'm hungry. 

Yesterday, was eventfully fun actually. I actually went out and took Nasser with me. Despite his potty breaks that he keeps complaining about. I guess hes alright to take out as long as we don't stay long walking about. 

I've been thinking a lot. Naz is most likely going to ask me to sleep over her place when she moves back in Tubli being all scared and all as she usually is by herself in that place. Why don't I just pimp out my room and just move in. Of course only if theres internet. INTERNET = Life. 

I am determined to finish Mr. Darcy takes a wife! TONIGHT! *-* wooot 

Boredom

Woah, im actually realy bored, i want 2 rearange my files in my harddrive. Its lil 2 messd up. Gr. I cnt wait 2 c my bby! Yay! Just a few mre minutes. Whoop. The entry b4 ths was postd by kuya john. He was playin wit my phne. Haha. A funny pic of tom.

Tom at d ofis

Tomas

Internet!!!!

The wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works.the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works. the wireless at home works.

GAHHHHHHH IM GOING CRAZY!!! *hitshead*

At cocos

I wish i was with my kal. .-.

Im off 2 work

Happy monthsary bby!

.12 days to relaxation

And idleness. I can't wait. I'll be missing kal like mad because of the idleness but that just reminds me that im alive. Well atleast now i can focus on my art nt just digital but traditional. Its weird i had three different dreams last night and kal was in everyone of it. Theyre all drama sadly.

Pauls bday

Cake! Im not really fond of it but whatever. Happy birthday paul l.! Get that mohawk already.

My jeans

I dont like wearing the same jeans all over again. I need more jeans!

13th warriors

Woot!

At the apartment

Waiting, waiting, and more waiting. Sigh. I cant wait for what is to come.

Hme

Nd i cn sleep. I think

At the diplomat

Gah

5.52

Almst tym.

Wat boredom brings

Arabic keyboard

Finally! I got an arabic keyboard.! Wohoo.

I r bored

Nd i stil mis my bby

Fantasia.

Gr

I miss kal!!

Sunset

5:15 almost there.

When looking for images are fun.

Got a very long list of image place holders 2 find. It tottally consumed my time. Yay! One hour till its time 4 home.

Lunch tym.

Time 2 check my email.

Sigh

Bck 2 my lonely corner.

Hme

Yay! Nw 2 wait 4 my one nd only 2 cme hme.

Almst tym

2 go hme.

Lolipop

Yum. Strawberry.

Is 34 favs enough?

Yes, it is!

Gah

Grid system. Grid system. Im so annyed. Gah. Email template.

Kuya chito sharping his pencil

So random

Lunch time

First time in a very lng time most of da team ate 2gther.

Kuya chito pic 3

Nd anthr one

Kuya chito pic 2

Nd agen

Kuya chito pic 1

Click 2 ful view

Haha.

Whoop

Double bored

No designer has wrk 2 do. Tym 2 play.

At wrk

So bored...

light my fire

Everyone has the will right?
The will to live, the will to die, will to be strong and fight, will to be brave and win.
How bout the will to be great?

Sometimes, I think as long as you start young and fresh you'll end up being someone in your future years (im speaking work wise) but isn't it the same thing for the old and worn out. Only difference is the age and the general out come cause of maybe more wisdom and maturity increased how great at something you are? Isn't everyone someone the moment they are born? I mean, you have a name and people who know that name isn't that being someone?

I wonder how and why my mind tends to be so morbid when the reason to live is faint. Its not cause of depression. Thats something I don't really find as my reason. I would sometimes just draw or paint or manipulate whatever when my emotions remain blank or unmoving. Its just natural. But when people see what I did they think otherwise.

I know now though. My work remains a slight bit happier.
If not happy maybe slightly more macabre or advant garde.

I don't get why nothing I work on has a story from the artist herself.

I don't get it.