Wednesday, September 9, 2009

1st no show.

Excellent! An hour break then lab.

Uni, 2nd day

Only one class. Boring 1 2. Sigh.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Unspoken words

Closure statement.

Since I didn't really finish what I was saying in that AA cirlce. CAUSE EVERYONE FUCKING KEPT INTRUPTING ME AND THEY EVEN FORGOT THAT IT WAS MY TURN. (why doesn't people want to hear it from me? honestly?) Official closure. I have accepted the fact that Nikki and I have drifted away, weeks after I realized it which was over a year a go. I'm happier with or without her if she needs me I'll be there, otherwise I do not trust her with valuable info and in real life its either you don't have a bestfriend or you just have one and honestly I can't wait to get out of my teens so I can walk away from drama. People don't respect me enough. Anyways. Only people I'll get really close with right now are just going to be my good friends not best. My rule would be 'ONE BESTFRIEND ONLY!* (possibly two if a boyfriend(thats like a love and bestfriend in one) is involved) hehehehe. anyways. I'm going to be mean but its the truth. I don't care what goes on in her life. If she wants to be closed. I don't care. She says bad shit about me I don't care. But if its about other people that when I really flip and thats what happened for the 3 days of practice we had this week. Shes become intolerable which affected everyone. (obviously) but in the end I let it go. but then it got brought up once again. Which affected me cause I didn't get to finish damnit. anyways I don't care. Its done and over with. All I'm saying is the company is too personal. Boundaries need to be set and they will be set for me. IM GOING TO SAY THIS ONCE SO EVERYONE GET IT IN YOUR HEAD. I'm just Nikkis friend. GET OVER IT. I DONT CAST YOU OUT. NEITHER DO I CARE IF YOU CAST ME OUT. CAUSE FOR SURE I DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU AND NADAS CONVERSATIONS. SO STFU. YOUR NADAS BESTFRIEND FROM THE BEGINNING SO WHY SHOULD I BE OFFENDED IF YOU MISCELLOUSLY DECIDED TO BE WITHOUT ME. I DO NOT MIND. I DO NOT CARE. END OF STORY. WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT FRIENDS. ITS NOT FOREVER. BLEH. WE HAVE A WHOLE WORLD AHEAD OF US. ITS ACCEPT AND MOVE ON. GEEZ. DRAMA QUEEN SERIOUSLY. SO STUPID. I LET IT GO ALREADY. YOU SHOULD TOO. GET OVER EVERYTHING ALREADY. GOSH. GROW UP. SELFISH BITCH. (sorry to those who get offended at that, I just think its fair I get to vent out somehow too)

That was out of anger yes. but I still do care for her and want her to see what shes doing to everyone and to herself. but I guess she needs to find out on her own. I'm done trying. Cause today I saw and accepted the changed Nikki. I still love her. Its just not as strong as it should be.
Since nothing is going to change. Might as well go on with my life. Haha. yes I gave up that easily. why? cause its a hopeless case.

I just blew up cause Nikki wasn't only hurting me anymore. She was hurting everyone. I only get too far with my tolerance and patience, but one word against... umm... lets just put it this way, I could be the mother lion trying to protect her cubs. something like that. okay maybe I'm just that protective to a select few people (Nada, Renz, Kal (if hes affected but hes not) etc.) but still.

Other than that, its an office not a freaking drama club. WHEN ITS WORKING HOURS. WORK! do NOT slack off. Get there on time and work when its done go home. end of story. I DONT GO THERE TO COME HOME EVERYDAY WITH A SAD, PISSY MOOD. I'M GETTING SICK CAUSE OF THIS SHIT. LITERALLY! only 2 weeks of this shit getting too intolerable and I'm already getting really really feverish and weak. another 2 weeks, I'll get sent to the hospital and this shit is not worth it. SET A BOUNDARY. I've done that since this thing started. Did what I had to do went home when transport is permitted. Other than that I keep to myself and talk randomly amongst friends or watch practices since I'm done with my hours then home. End of story. I've worked in an office before so I know how I should be with or without my friends as my co-workers. [BOUNDARY]

Anyways, I'm done with that and this is the last time I'll be thinking about or talking about it unless it is brought up again, I'll only reply if I have to, otherwise I'll just listen.

Officially closed.
Drama no longer exsists in my world as long as I can help it. (Neutralism)

Got a problem with that? EXECUTE ME!

Now, I feel much better. No more weight on my shoulders. Still feel sick though.
Hmmmmm... I like the smell of my pjs. Smells like comfort. Lets start with the logo shall we.