Thursday, December 31, 2009

i -.- ed

My unofficial last entry of the year.
This year was an eventful one, worked, college, & Kal.

Theres more to it.
First off, would be Kal.
January 13, Our first date and the beginning of a wonderful relationship. I wouldn't change it for the world. I wish I could say more. But I don't have the writers sense right now to continue on.

May 31st, I resigned.
After wonderful 8 months of being an Intern doing a Junior Designers work (YAY), I've learned so much and I thank you all who was a part of it and I miss you guys too. T^T Most of you left already. T^T.

OMG! Finally, my phobia is no more and I'm glad. I've finished a semester and I'm proud! YOU BETTER BE TOO. I haven't gone to school since I was 8.

Renz&Naj Day!

It happened! Hahahahaha.

That is all.
Not in the writing mood right now.

Sunday, December 13, 2009


Cold (c) Najla Qamber
Image (c) Najla Qamber

I'm cold, really cold sometimes. So cold that no one can ever think its me thinking those heartless things. Revenge is sweet, yes. But anger mixed with that. Damn, its too much. I hate it when I'm like that. Its like I can't think of anything else to help me ease my pain and all I want to do is inflict it to that one person who is hurts me constantly. Can I be that heartless? or am I just that angry at people who hurt me? I've thought of it so many times and I'm not very proud of it. Not very proud of it at all. I feel as though its gotten worse each time. Well, frankly, its cause I don't do shit to ease it. It just has to go away on its own.

So much of being me. So much for being that kind, supportive, guiding person everyone knows.
Theres always a second side to someone right? that side behind the sweetness or the side behind the bitterness.

To feel it constantly is like slicing your hand so deep that you could see the bone and to feel that blood flow is like the tears that never will give itself to fall. "Never" it says "Never will I give in to the temptations of an heart felt pain" it continues "Nothings going make us jump" it finishes.

Indeed don't commit that saddening sin that is suicide. Its never worth the tears, or pain. For when it does fall when it does commit that sin. The tears will feel like boiling hot lava piercing its way down my cheeks. It burns too much to stop the tears from falling. It won't stop. It'll never stop.

I can see it. The coldness.

I wish I was without that flaw.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Spring of Culture Talent Competition

Hopefully I'll get chosen. I'm joining in the visual arts category. (Painting)
Since they don't have Computer Generated Arts I can't send out my manips. sadly. T-T

Friday, December 11, 2009


We found her at Uni, actually Katie and Jp did.
She was hit by a car and had a broken leg. We saved her and Naz took her home to feed and mend her. We took her to the vet. He said there was nothing he could do. It was too late. She didn't survive long she died this morning. There was nothing we could do.

R.I.P. Kitten Zephrina

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


mood: annoyed
listening to: abduction-interlude

Looking around my neglected accounts on art communities online. I've realized that I've been so inactive lately, and have been neglecting the arts. Which I should say I love the most. Rather than Business. After resigning from work and bringing all the arts to a halt temporarily, I feel so unaccomplished and useless. I had that feeling. I remember the times when I was always doing something that would rather improve my skills rather than stop until I forget about it entirely. Its ridiculous.

I hate having insecurities.
I always need something to look up to.
I always need something to tell me that I'm going somewhere.
I always need to be an overachiever to feel good about myself.
I want to make a difference.
I want to be inspired and inspire.

It devouring, its idiocy.

then again who doesn't want that. (I always like to think that I'm the only one. Again, who doesn't?)

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