Thursday, July 31, 2008

tip a wat?!?

mood: tipsay!!!


Rite now I'm wooozzzyyy! and its 10:34. We just came bak from shans bday party... and waaaaa! meh gotz huggles from wenwen! wooooooooooooo! sober in an hour! *-*

full account tooommoraw


mood: anxious

I'm here waiting for Nikki to arrive. It's taking awhile probably cause I'm actually looking at the time.

I have a bad feeling but whatever.
Nada is still pissed at me.
What I said yesterday was a joke for the viewers. She takes a lot of jokes seriously.
Looks like its just me and Nikki who are going this time.

Mom asked "Is it your idea to go out today?" Umm... Mom I didn't plan this. Shan did I was invited to her party. I have a strong feeling mom is talking behind my back. Ranting about how I go out and crap. She'll start marking Ren and Nix as bad influences. Oh come on mom. I'll be home. I won't do anything so freaking stupid. I'm not like Nasreen you know that. I'm just a teenager who wants to have fun. I'm not the girl who had no friends and barely saw daylight anymore mom. You've got to let me be.

I'm not going to fight for independence. I won't go out everyday. its just every other week. Please... just let me be. Get used to it.



9goats black out is releasing something new and I just heard the samples of the new single and O_______________________________________O I WANT THE SINGLE NOWWWW!!!!


MANNEQUIN is also releasing something new. *spazzes out like myv somemore*
よかたね!?! (O-O) ( ^。^ ) *rolls on bed*
*just watched their preview of their first pv* Damn... Kazuma would make one beautiful woman *feels insecure* I want to see him with a beard now.

What made me squeal the most!? was that picture of Yomi receiving a little kiss from Tenten on their bdays! fanfiction time! *ebil ebil yaoi fan girl thoughts* PRO GAY!

Scar. is coming back but not as scar but 4wayspeakers! O_O they're not visual kei anymore. T-T and they weren't even heavy vk. just mild like Mon~sun.

-------------END OF FANGIRL POST----------------

Ummm... *Naj is blank today*

Wednesday, July 30, 2008


mood: .____.
listening to: Mom arguing with nasreen on the phone.

I hate this. I hate it when they argue on the phone.
Arguing about trivial things.
the fact that Nasreen doesn't call her upsets her I guess.
I dunno...

I have a feeling mom will be depressed for a couple of days after this phone call.
Dad! come home and cheer her up will ya.

I also have a feeling she'll end up crying aswell. >_> gosh.

will this problem be fixed? ever?


mood: err...
listening to: 誰が為に咲く花 - Dollis Marry

Lol, I couldn't think of a title. So I just randomly thought of a color and made it look like a jrock band name.

Umm... I hope you won't get to angry when u actually see the... yah. ._. I don't want an angry wenwen. *nuggles u* Well, I made a promise and I intend to keep it.

Woke up at 6:35 then again at 7:05. I sat up on my bed and just waited until my alarm goes off 10 minutes later. I had a weird dream... Umm... its seriously weird. I rather not say what happened. Mom force fed me too much food again. Does she have to keep doing that?

Learned Chinese. I can recognize some of the characters now. My problem is I either know how to say the character in English or in Japanese. >_>
For example: This is a Chinese character as well as a Japanese one. They mean the same thing. 花 - Hana (japanese) - Flower. Whats that character in Chinese? I have no Idea. >_>
不 - Iie (Japanese) - bu (chinese) - No, not. Woohoo! at least I know one thing. >_> hahaha

瑠璃の雨!!!アリス九 嵯峨、虎、蒋、ヒロト、ナオ!<--- Nada read that! I know you can.

Jane Eyre Final! 65.5% Almost freakin done. I'll let my notebook rest when it is completely done. Finally!

I have a bad feeling about Thursday. gah... this feeling is starting to scare the living shit out of me. Its worse than the feeling I had on my birthday. >_> Damn. Someone stab me. *tries to ignore feeling*

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Victorian Fuchsia

Victorian Fuchsia
(c) Najla Qamber
29th July, 2008
for Ren *nuggles*



I won Jrockforums Summer Contest with meh covers!!


I won a Gazette Mug and a LM.C poster! w00t w00t!

Deposit Form

Mom had to go out and I ended up taking her job filling out the deposit forms. >_>
I don't like counting all that money (1790BD) and then watch it go away. T--T

Immense part fell off.

O_O I have a whole paragraph! *happy face*
Yay me! *laughs ass off*
Yeah Yeah, Love you too wenwen! <- thats so cute! o3o >_> I miss u now. T-T
U ebil person! I have second thoughts about giving you that painting. >_>
WATCH ME?! I'll drink all I want hun. *sticks tongue out*

Last night I got a full set of huggles from Nada and Nikki. I guess they finally noticed. Stupid blind bestfriends. >_> BLIND! they're all BLIND!!
Me and Nix. were so tempted recently to just pick up that sharp object up and do what we all used to do. Of course, she doesn't really need it much since she cries. Gosh. So frigging tempting!
NADA don't fall asleep I might lose my sanity and do it again! DUDE!!!!!! Why the hell am I calling out her name. Shes not even home! >_> I'm allowed to do it when I can't take the insanity and if I'm about to break, that is if I'm not already broken. w00t w00t! Well, till then. I hope its not close. >_> I don't want people at Shans birthday to be staring at my wrist. >_> They'll honestly find me the most pathetic creature on the planet. I didn't do anything yet so its all good. Must keep sharp objects away when depressed. AWAY! FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR AWAY!! Oh and someone take that stupid book away from me *stares and points at the lamest version of diary* I don't want to be reminded after I read that! *forms fingers into a cross* EBIL THING! STAY BACK!

"deny me one of your kisss, I dunno what I'll do!!!" O__________O that song just popped in my head. >_>

Monday, July 28, 2008

Victorian fuchsia WIP

Victorian Fuchsia WIP (c) July 28th, 2008
Najla Qamber
For Ren.

Pic post.

Current Obsession: IN THE DARK - ZODIA

The PV that I can't stop watching

white paint?
Meh babies!

Jane Eyre

mood: happiness

YAY!!!! Epi. 3 is done.

*watches it*

T-T *sniff* I love Jane Eyre. *watches it again*


got up at 7:05. I kept on falling in and out of sleep till 7:15. I felt fucking exhausted. Probably cause I was depressed the night before.
Gah! I am sick of being this way. Pathetic little shit.
Alright. *slaps own face* Ignore late night depressed feeling for the rest of your life. Accept it and move on dammit. >_> the thing is I already did the accepting. >_> OKAY! MOVE ON DAMMIT! *hits head with can of coke* damn... I need the real shit.

SHAN! do you have booze over your place? I'm going to get myself hammered! shit. >_> *chants to self* don't turn into nasreen, don't turn into an alcoholic. >_> If I was allowed to drink in the house I would've already be in rehab. Oh and smoking! If I lived with Nasreen. I would be a chain smoker too. I mean everyone around her smokes. Oh well. Since I chose to be the Golden Child and everyone expects so much of me. I'll just go with the flow avoiding shit like that.

Lets see here... I think I worried the living shit out of Ren last night. Sorry hun. I didn't mean it. I... I'll try to smile yea? hehe. Just hug me really tight whenever we see each other. You seem to be the only one who knows I'm this depressed and I don't really get tight huggles. cept from Kal and Shan. I have a feeling she knows EVERYTHING just by looking at me or a certain little daughter of hers told her EVERYTHING. That girl is such a squealer. I have to limit myself on telling her crap.

Oh yeahz! I get random huggles from sawsy! *huggles sawsy*

My dad asked me to count the cash he and my uncle earned yesterday. 2264BD for one day and its all going to the companies my dad owes and the bank... and and.... *cwies!!!!* MONEY!!! *slams head on keyboard*


I just got back from Gudaibiya with mom.
She had to buy some stationary for Nada. Al Manar all the way!
I bought white paint. I seem to be using it a lot.

Umm... next stop, Lolita bakery. Typical pinay mom. >_> She did the wife thing and bought my dads favorite bread which happened to be pandesal. all together now *awwwwwww*

Damn myself. *goes and paints in jeans*

Sunday, July 27, 2008

back to the usuals

mood: okie
listening to: Hakanaki risou wazuka na ai - Sadie

YAY! I'm going back to learning japanese, chinese and arabic. I forgot most of the arabic and I remember more of the Japanese.

I don't think I ever stopped learning Japanese. *thinks* umm.. Okay.
I started making yasy her plane letters. YAY!
I'm going to make some for Ren and Nikki(if shes really going)

We're invited to Shans bday on the 31st. Party at her house! w00t w00t! I have to ask mom. >_> She lives in juffair so mom wont have a hard time driving us since she lives really close.
woohoo! I'm going out this week! *happiness*

Apparently everyone loves my painting for renren. I mean O_O. Even my grandmother said it was beautiful. I was being praised by her and my aunt. O_O w00t?

wake up

Woke up at 7:10 with my head throbbing. I wasn't in a good mood at all. I was last night. Gah. I had a dream that I thought I should be happy about but I wasn't. I barely remember it now.
Last night as I sat beside nada while she drew, Father sitting a few feet away, & Nasser playing with Josh. I was depressed as fuck. I stayed in the room so I wouldn't do anything stupid like cry. They didn't really notice. So I guess I'm getting really good at not showing it. I had a hard time hiding it from Ren. Eventually I started showing I was depressed. I was at war with myself. My stupid pathetic self. Important thing now is I'm no longer depressed.

My head hurts like fuck and I choose to blame my notebook for causing it. Mom doesn't know. I just have to keep it quiet.

I went back to sleep at 8am in moms room and woke up at 10:35. I just felt so freaking tired.

I'm thinking of finishing all the Bleach I have today. I just got Nada into it too. Should I wait for her? Nah... She'll probably be busy later.

O___O Holy crap! I found TeddyLoids Remixes! thats so rare! *goes and downloads*

Saturday, July 26, 2008

unwanted post.

mood: >_>
listening to: missing link - julius

I didn't want to post up an entry today.
I just didn't feel like writing one.

Since I woke up I haven't had the appetite I usually do. Its starting to annoy me. I nearly puked at lunchtime. I was forcing myself to eat.

Went grocery shopping with mom and bought new jeans today. Looks pretty good on me. It really shows how freaking skinny my legs are.

I had a dream bout Sam last night. I miss the dude now. *sigh*
He liked me I think. Stupid idiot scared of commitment. He was leaving anyways. So I guess We stayed away from each other. Or maybe I'm just over analyzing things. I always do.
gah... stop remembering naj. stop remembering.

I feel immature.

I'm so close to blowing everything. Its starting to drive me crazy. My patience is fading. I think I should stay away for a bit. Before I do something really stupid.

Good luck with that Naj.

Friday, July 25, 2008

shots... are being annoying

mood: >_>
listening to: Hakanaki risou wazuka na ai - Sadie

I haven't listened to Jrock in a day O_O. All I listen to now is Tokio Hotel and T.A.T.U. I mean wtf?!

Nikki came over yesterday. It was fun. We were being Motzy fangirls and have him as our phone wallpapers. Hes such a celebrity. lol. I feel like a stalker though.
We went online, watched a movie and talked. We talked about her best-friend eickel (or however they spell his name) and how they call each other best and how people think they're together again. Lol. so not true. They're like us ren! but its like Nikki is a dude for kel. lol.
I did something I shouldn't have yesterday. I'm glad she was there to calm me down. *relief* w00t w00t for bestfriends!

I woke up with my right hand hurting like fuck. >_> On the bright side, Jane Eyre Epi.2 finished downloading! I watched it rite after! T_T why don't I have a Mr. Rochester too! life sucks. T-T
"I wish I was in a desert island somewhere with only you for company" or "Don't go Jane. What would I do without your help?" with that sad, depressed face! T_________________T if someone said that to me I'll die! wait no. I'll hug them really hard then I'll die.

Anyways, I'll be Naj and wait patiently for what I want the most.

Talked to Ren for like 9 hours or so. Then called him when he had to go out somewhere.

I studied a little yesterday. Sketched out a new painting, read, and prepared for todays study session. >_> do I have to be so organized. OCD!

Right now, I'm staring at my download waiting list and I say WOAH. I just keep adding and adding. Jdramas, Cdramas, Jrock, PV's, one Movie, one mini-series, and 3 GV's. *giggles* GVs!! Lol

J.J. is officially Bi/Gay. I asked him a few hours ago. lol it wasn't just the alcohol talking.

I'm going to expand my vocabulary again, finish Bleach & tab something. Gah! that reminds me I have to re-tune Equilibrium. Maybe after I learn that slap song! naitomae all the way!

Nasser is pissing me off. I need to get out of the fucking room! Don't talk to me DAMMIT! Fuck off!

I want to go out!! Gah!! Thats it I'm going to talk to Safa about it. Ren, wanna come?

*insert nasser and nada asking questions in the background*

I don't know everything, dammit! Stop with the questions!
Thats it I'm going to take a shower.

Nada in the bg atm. "Nice undies naj. Its pink"
"wait... *checks* its orange."
"Oh really? *checks her own* Mines orange too"
LMAO! We do the same with our bras!

Thursday, July 24, 2008


mood: *can't type properly hands feel heavy*
listening to: something by babylon

this is me getting the mmr shots.
At first I was nervous.
But I was unusually very calm.
Mmr shots. Hep. A & B. I'm going back next month for more needles! w00t w00t!

We went to the store and and I looked for the gulfweekly and O_O I'm so proud. My photograph and my name is in everyone of this weeks gulfweekly. *-* oh happy day.

30 minutes

mood: okie
listening to: 30 minutes - T..A.T.U.

LOL Ren. Keep meh password safe. <3

30 minutes to ten. I'm supposed to be leaving right now. But I'll post up a quick entry.
I'm 100% nothing bad is going to come out of the results.

I woke up at 7:30.
Ate breakfast. Slept again for 40 minutes.
Dad came in the room asking me if I was okay. He randomly said... you're like this cause you're bored. I said 'No, I'm sleepy.' Then mom came rite after pops and she said 'Are you feeling okay?' I said 'Yeah, Just a little sleepy.' then she went 'Yung laptop mo kasi. I'm going confiscate it.' I was like 'Nuuuuhhhhhhh!!!!' ebil mother try to take away my happiness.

I took a shower then Kobby called to check up on me. <3 I was changing meh clothes at that time. Lol I was shirtless when he called. ^////////////^ Sure Kobby! I would want to wear a blue shirt to make me look innocent. But... I already pulled out meh black shirt. <3

Holes in Meh Plastic


more than a decade ago, someone was born... in the island of Bahrain. It grew up to be quite mischevious his name is Renz.

and Renz is me.

Hi guys yeash... finally i have broken into Naj's blog!!! HAHAHA


hi dear readers don't be alarmed haha this is justone post i assure u to the ebst of my knowledge the rest of the posts here are Naj's. oh lookie just before this article i was mentioned haha *nuggles* hahha.

and my link is somehwere in that clutter -->

okies byebye


God Bless U ALL

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Uncle Don Vs Tita susan part 2

mood: watever
listening: In Cave - Sadie

Moms involved now.
They're shouting at each other in the kitchen. I'm here a door away with loud music. They're louder than my music. >_>

My arm is bleeding. Nasser scratched me last time and it bled then and now. Its weird. it should have healed by now. Guess not.


Resist (c) July 2008 by Najla Qamber
Shan's Birthday Gift.

Gulf Weekly!??!

mood: *jumping up and down*
listening to: Hakanaki risou wazuka na ai - Sadie

RenRen!! COME ONLINE NOW!?!? Gah... T-T I'm all excited and I want to be excited with someone my age and you're not on. T-T Get ur ass up! Fine just read this.

Nasreen is going to be fucking jealous.


I! me. I got featured alone in the fucking Gulfweekly. I mean OMG! I thought I would be among the other entries but NO. Its just me! ME! O_O *faints*
Mom called me at 6:54am(she was still at school) and she was like 'I took the Gulfweekly with us. I saw the article. Good Job Naj.' *-* (totally stealing your smiley)

I was waiting anxiously for mom to come home and give me the freaking paper. O_O I was shocked that I was the only one there. I thought... what about the other entries? o_o woah.
I need major huggles right now. I can't believe this. O-O

"You should be proud of yourself! Nasreen is going to be really jealous. Can she do what you did? I don't think so." Mom said while we ate. I was like O_O.
"You were featured in a magazine before and now the local newspaper" Mom continued.
I was still going O_O.
"You're developing! Very good! Mashalllah! Mashallah!" said pops. All I did was O_O.

I can't tell anyone! ANYONE cause they're all asleep. Yasy, Nasreen and You! Damn u Ren get up already! T____T motzy? dammit... hes probably sleeping still. T-T

While you were gone <_<. I took a little nap with motzy. Since we were in the same timezone and We were both like "Lets take a nap. We're both tired."So we did. I slept for 2 hours. Then I woke up. I kept on falling asleep while watching tv. This is not normal at all. Then at about 11pm. I felt soo sleepy. I fell asleep while talking to sawsy. I can't wait to get the freaking test results. Tomorrow. I'll get it tomorrow. *breaths*

Gah! I think I sprained my wrist. ouchies.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Secratery vs Housekeeper

mood: O_O
listening to: Wherever - Ka-yu

I'm supposed to be watching Jane Eyre atm. But something happened.
I was in the shower... suddenly I hear shouting. It was my uncle (the secratery) and tita susan(the housekeeper). They've been giving each other the silent treatment for months now. Tita, I'm guessing told him to clean up his mess on the table and he didn't. She came back and told him to clean again. He stood and started shouting at her and she slapped him. Well, I don't blame her my uncle can be such a stubborn, bratty, wannabe female sometimes. They just kept shouting at each other. It sounded funny as fuck. Cause of all the sarcasm and all the 'CORRECT KA DYAN' I even recorded some parts of their fight. I was so amused. But Uncle don said something that was not promising. Tita started crying after she vented out on my mom. Oh well. Uncle don should seriously stop acting so immature.

The fight between me and Kobby is completely one of the pointless things ever. Hes been misinterpreting all my 'talk to you later' goodbyez. Sometimes people! I don't feel like talking to anyone and going BRB and never coming back is not what I do and If I happen to actually be busy! gez... don't just go on ahead and assume that I'm talking to you just to pass the time. <- stupid accusation. I'm Naj, I don't USE people. Kobby of all people should know this. If you prefer to think so lowly of me then so be it.

I started the painting I'm doing for shan. I can't believe Nikki forgot Shans birthday was coming. Some step daughter she is. I hope she doesn't mind my morbid side. Oh well. Kal said anything from the heart is good. Yup.

I didn't get bored of you. I don't like keeping you from your everyday life. lol. It would be awesome though if my dad actually allowed us to be together in the same hotel room. LOL. the things we would do. SHOPPING!! w00t w00t! I'm still thinking of what to paint you.
Do we always have to have a segment in our blogs directed to one another? *nuggles* fun fun!

Monday, July 21, 2008

China? Singapore? Philippines?

mood: happiness
listening to: geh - tokio hotel <3

Pops for the third time today asked me if I wanted to go to China, Singapore and Philippines with him. I of course being a trapped bird in a cage. Bahrain being the cage and me the bird. All of us grew to the habit of traveling. We're never in this country for more than 2 years. It's already been 3 years and we still haven't left these grounds. Its suffocating us actually. Now that I have a chance to leave and enter another country that happens to have shit loads of Jrock cds and vk clothes (China). I say YES! BRING ME WITH YOU!!! The sucky part would be I'll be alone most of the time. Dad's going to visit some factories in different parts of Guanzhou (I think I spelled that wrong). Yea.... well he said I'll just leave u in one of the malls and I'll get you when I'm done. I was like... O_O what?! NO WAY! I don't want to be alone in a country that knows almost zero english. wtf dad?!! NO WAYZ! I rather entertain myself here and talk to ren like I always do.... But... wait... the jrock cds... *-* the clothes! dammit!!!! why is it so hard! why do I have to be alone. Can we bring Nasreen ?! Better yet! Renren!! lol jk... I doubt my dad would leave a guy alone with his daughter in a hotel room. ... har har har.... Lets bring Nasreen!!

I'm starting to get a cold. Great... first cough now a cold. T-T whyz?!?!!?!?

the sticky tape thingy they used to hold the cotton on my arm left some sticky stuffies on meh arm and its getting annoying. I tried washing it off.... didn't work.

I'm going to watch tv.
better yet... I'm going to tune my bass.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

a day

mood: okay
listening to: ridicule - sugar

I haven't been depressed for a day! make that 2 days! w00t w00t!

Kobby unblocked me and I think he blocked me again cause I didn't answer his IM.
I was out picking up Nada and Nasser from school. I forgot to put my stats on away.

Ren is reading.
We're keeping each other from the real world. Lol.

Shan's birthday is coming.
I should start painting her present.
But what shall I paint her. I hope she doesn't mind anything morbid.
Thats all I seem to paint.
I find it funny that everything I make is all emo-ish. I do it unconsciously.
I did this when I was happy. *shakes head* emotionally unstable people... really. Venting out their feelings without even knowing it.

Jun tabbed the bass parts of Naihishinsho in an hour. O-O the dude is like awesome.
Thanks Jun for the tabs. <3

Gah I forgot to take my pills.
Ren if you're reading this... remind me again. I might forget.

We got invited to Maurie's birthday in September. Advanced invitation hahaha. She's turning 18. w00t w00t! I'm thinking of giving her my UVERworld poster as a present. I'm not sure though cause nada wants it.

I want to read Jane Eyre again. I think I will... but look at all the other books. O-O
Gah... I'll just start reading The woman in white - wilkie collins. Either that or the count of monte cristo - alexander dumas. The book is HUGE. I have a feeling it'll be really boring.

Holy shit. I haven't been studying japanese lately. gah! ._. what happened to meh routine? T_T I blame school vacations.

I noticed every time I did my homeschool crap. I actually do something productive after. Once I work I never stop. *is a workaholic*

Yasy's not answering my IMs its getting annoying. T-T

Last post of the day.
I'm going to edit the drawing I did of Taka and post it up on DA.

the hospital

mood: okie
listening to: nightmare

I'm fine. I'm waiting for my blood test results. I'm going back in 4 days.
I saw a pretty blonde british lady. She was so nice. *-*

The doctor who stuck a needle in my arm was pretty too. She reminded me of governess nerlyn. I miss her now. T-T

My minds blank...
I'll just post up pics.
Nasreens kittens. Damn her apartment is DIRTY.

Nada & Nasser in one of dads storages.

here are the last two vids I entered in a contest.

Last Word - rentrer en soi

acoustic slap - miyavi

doctor here I come!

mood: *yawn*
listening to: the vacuum cleaner

Mom's taking me to the hospital today.
I'm not really scared if theres going to be any bad news.

I was reading the newspaper like I always do. Until I saw Kals picture. There was an article about half breeds and how they're treated sometimes. Kal had a little part in the article. Awesome dude!
(I need to puke. .-.)

We have racism problems here too... Its always because we're Filipino. We go out... boys are throwing rocks at us. T-T Discriminating us. Treating us like we're a bunch of prostitutes.

Nasreen's at the apartment. She'll be staying there for 2 weeks cause of the little kittens she got.
I don't really like cats when it involves them being my pet. I like dogs better. I'll probably stay there for a day or two. Depends if theres internet or not.

I'm going to do one more cover and redo WORLD END ANTHOLOGY. >-> I wants to do it now.

gah... shower...

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Jane Eyre

mood: tired
listening to: A drop of color - Hyde

Since I promised myself I shall not be a depressed bitch today.
I only have one thing to say. I can't wait till Jane Eyre is done downloading. I want to watch it already! Again and Again. Mr. Rochester! We love you! I can't wait to watch it with nasreen so we can both be drooling over him.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Seef [July 18, 2008]

mood: headache.
listening to: Mozart

Everyones going off to college. I find myself in the same position I once was a long time ago. Lost, scared and alone. I want to go to the hospital. No... wait I don't. I have this hope that maybe I'm sick and I won't live. Gah... I hope so. Going to the hospital would confirm my sick condition or it won't. I rather die than go through what I did when I was younger. I can't handle it. I don't want silent tantrums(I'll go blank for hours... not moving just staring into space). I might end up killing my mom if I disappoint her again. I don't want that to happen. Please... Just I don't want to go. But I do. But I'm fucking afraid too fucking afraid.

I have this raging headache. I think I'll pass out. I feel like I have a fever again. gah... the feelings gone now.

Seef was fun ish.
Watched a movie with the yans.
Robbie looked awesome.
Pretended I was gay and Nikki was my lover while Robbie as the third party.
Nada and Nikki changed their clothes. (completely useless)
Ate mcdonalds and almost puked our brains out.
Went shopping with Ren.
Got shouted at by mom on the phone. *she nags too much*
Saw Safa, Ali and Mae. I met Mae's parents.
Pretended to be okay in front of Everyone. Nikki wasn't fooled. (yes, its a loooong chain of hurting each other. Not just me and her, 2 other people involved.)

and Yes, I'm still worried about Kobby.
I hope u are reading this.
I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt that way.
You're probably too mad at me. You probably hate me.
You'll probably never forgive me.
But I'm S.O.R.R.Y.
I didn't even know what I was doing to you.

(I have a feeling someone will be saying the exact thing to me.)

gah karma.

Sawsy Inspired Header

I wanted a header too *insert sad face here*

I can't wait to see Nikki and the Yans. I miss them all. T-T Even you Ren. *huggles*

I have this weird feeling somethings going to happen. I hate it when I have this 'weird feeling'. Even Nasreen hates it. Gah.

*sigh* Whatever... I'll just take what ever comes to us. ,_,

Thursday, July 17, 2008

another one down the drain.

I just had a fight with Kobby.
I didn't like it one bit.
Kobby snapped I guess. He snapped like how I wanted to snap at ren. But I didn't.
I think my friendship with kobby is over. I didn't want it. GOD. I don't.
Kobby is an awesome friend and he was there for me at times. At these times. thats probably why he hates me. I'm soo fucking sorry for hurting you kobby. I really am.
I guess I shouldn't vent out anymore if it leads to stuff like this.

I don't want our friendship to end like this.
Msg me when you've cooled down.

GAH! I hate myself right now. I'm a selfish, selfcentered bitch who never listens to anyones problem but my own. I'm being 11 and 13 again. I hate this.


mood: *blink blink*
listening to: TFC

I'm sorry but.... wtf...
I just checked out ♀Yooh♂'s blog and wtf is up with all those naked pictures!!?!?! Of course they're covering the parts with photoshoped pictures of their faces. But still... I wouldn't want to be in the same room with these guys in their freaking birthday suit. O-O I might get raped or I might catch them raping each other O___________________________O Okay thats even worse!! EWE!!! ._ . GAH! I'm thankful that I don't listen to their music.

Happy Birthday Renren!!! *huggles u tite in ur sleep* You better wake up soon. Aren't you going out somewhere? *poke*
I'll enjoy my day if u enjoy yours! <3 *sticks tongue out*

Last night Nikki called me with great news. I was flipping out and getting all excited and crap! I actually did the girl thing and screamed and jumped up and down. Yeash Yeash I do that. No its not the fact that yans are coming on friday that I'm very excited about. Of course I'm excited to see them. I miss them *insert sad face here* But this news nikki told me was a big WOAH! I'm so fucking happy for her! *spazzes out like myv* WOOHOO!

I'm going to clean my room now. ~~~~ wOOt wOOt!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

fuck. >->

I seriously want to be happy. But when I am... I won't be after a while. Theres always something- someone pushing me back where I started. For fuck sake stop it already. I'm getting really tired of this crap. I want to be Okay... I really do. But I'm not right now.
Just stop the pain already. Its getting really annoying. Like really really really really really annoying. This is actually my limit. Gah!!! My limit used to be.... sooo fucking long. What happened? OH that happened. Why does it seem worse. The first one was nothing... the second GAH! the third... HOLY FUCK... someone write my name in that death note. forth & fifth will be a lot worse. I can feel it. That just makes me soo fucking insecure... so fucking Well... Lets see what happens eh. Grin and bare it (yeash bare it)! Grin and bare it.

*spazzes like miyavi*

I hope to hell u wont read this.
Please dont. I know... I said I would stay happy. I was... until. yeah. I was.
Don't get upset now. I'm still smiling u should be too. <3
and go brush ur teeth u smell like crab.


mood: spazzin out like myv. luv ya miyavi!
listening to: shattered glass - bullet69

I want coke. >_> I want coke. T-T
I did nada's project then read a hundred pages of meh book. Its amazing. I can read over 100 pages in 40 minutes. woohoo for me. *spazzes out like myv* <- thank u motzy for that.

I didn't want to post up a blog entry today. I didn't feel like it. But I did anyways. Stupid me.

gah... I found a bruise on the side of my knee just now. T-T everytime I walk around it hurts. T-T
I have one on my thigh aswell... again. T-T

Inet is acting up. I'm typing this offline. ._.

hey! u logged off. T-T

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Portrait of a Lady - Henry James

mood: relieved
listening to: 30 minutes - T.A.T.U

Gah! I'm so happy I'm finally out of that Italian setted, Victorian aged book. I thought I would be lost in it forever. I just kept reading until the 10th chapter I read. How many times can a girl be asked to marry. 4 times! 4 times they confessed their love for her. 4 different guys. One rich dude. One american dude. One Italian based American and Her COUSIN. She should have picked her fucking cousin. ._. So freaking odious. .____________. Just makes me think about all the guys that courted Nikki. Why hasn't she said yes to the ones she actually liked. T-T stupid girl. She doesn't know what she's doing and this was a long time ago. Now, she comes to me for advice. FINALLY. I'm going to set here right. If she's got someone she likes who likes her back damn u girl GO FOR IT! don't stay and wait for Taka. I can't say that to her face. She'll get hurt. T-T dammit.... I will anyways. If shes got someone in mind. Last month it was this dude...whats his name... gah I can't remember.

Safa is in the country. She called me last night. Shes using words like... INSANE and AWESOME now. I'm so happy shes back. But I have this strong feeling we'll be drifting apart like me and yasy. If that happens its okay. Shes got her life and I've got mine. Thats been happening alot. My closest friends are all going into the 'crowd'. Oh well. I've got new best friends who're here for me. You guys know who u r.

I have finally accepted it. Took u long enough ne naj?
But I have. I'll just go through everyday normally. If theres pain I can handle it. As long as we're both friends. Its all good.
I wonder how long till my next hopeless love. *laughs*

HI KOBBY!!!! *hopes kobby's reading this*

Nadas note to me.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Angel's Tale Intro - Hyde Cover

I did a part of it. I guess. Me on nassers beddie!

not healthy?!

mood: annoyed
listening to: Jelly fish - alice nine.

Woke up 10 minutes late. >_>
When I sat down at to eat breakfast. I complained that I woke up with a stomach ache. Mom replied with 'maybe you have ulcer cause you eat so little' Mom.... I've been eating this way for years and I get it now!?!? I do not have ulcer.

I dropped on my parents bed and started to fall back to sleep. Mom went all "Are you okay? Are you feeling well?" I opened my eyes and she was RIGHT THERE. TOOOO CLOSE MOM!!!
Dad came in with a "You're weak. I'll take you to the hospital, go change." COME ON PEOPLE!! I just woke up! T-T Dad also said that I'm yellow.... LMAO... what am I Lisa Simpson? Seriously...

I spent an hour reading. Page 208 ppl. So boring though. T-T
I did Nadas project aswell. I hope she'll be happy.
Oh crap Yomiz bday is today. *goes to jrockheaven*

Kal drew me yesterday. So awesome. I would post it up here but its a copyrighted piece so I can't without his permission.

Motzy sent a pic of him with straight hair. SO HOT! Lol *huggles motzy* He looks like a not-japanese version of Raito from Death Note. RUN AWAY MOTZY L will RAPE U!

I can't believe I forgot to update my stupid comic. Why did I start drawing it again? ._. gah. I hate myself. Thats it! I'm going to end it.

I desperately need to update my DA. T-T its been weeks. (o.o)

Sunday, July 13, 2008


mood: *___*
listening to: Warai Tsukiyo - HYBRID-ZOMBIEZ[disbanded] T-T They had great music.
Now: Paperdoll - Kittie

Usually I would wake up in the mornings cause of mom or nada talking or moving stuff around. But this time. I didn't. Was I that sleepy?
I had a dream bout the Yans. I'll tell you about it laterz.

I walked to my room half asleep. I saw this note from Nada on my mirror. It said to fix the files she downloaded earlier. It didn't work daw. Like my usual self I did fix it. Turns out some parts of it didn't finish downloading. It just stopped. stupid .rar files. Okie... time to download 200MB sized files. ._. The things I do.

Too many tabs open. O-O Facebook, Livejournal, Jrockheaven, Photobucket, Y-Gallery, Irokui Official Home Page, Back*ground visunavi, Visunavi, Tainted world, Shattered-Tranquility.
Funny most of it is jrock related. LoL.

Speaking of Jrock. I was looking at Jin's Photo and was about to comment. But instead I just read the other comments. Some of it was in Japanese and I actually understood what I read. (*^o^*) よかったね?


After 5 hours. I finally finished Suicide the painting.
I'm still not satisfied. Its so freaking hard to paint on an actual canvas. T-T I need acrylic paint.

Saturday, July 12, 2008


Life on Guitar Pro.

mood: happeh
listening to: Around the world - red hot chili peppers

Yeash Yeash I'm okay and you care cause you love meh. *sticks tongue out *

I woke up at 7:30 cause mom was being loud and talking to Nada. Gah... I wanted to sleep. But its no use wasting time sleeping now.
We ate breakfast. Mom kept jabbering about Maala Mo Kaya. We didn't even notice Dad talking to her. Umm... I had to edit my dads calling card on Photoshop so we could get it made in Thailand.

Colored my hair violet. It ended up being red instead. As long as it doesn't look blond. I'm not complaining.

Looks like I have black hair ne?

Okie, I'll be playing practicing shit loads of songs including tabbing one. T-T

Lets see here...

Around the World
Coming Closer
a GazettE song I don't know.
Cosmic World
Liar Liar (Burn in Hell)
A beautiful lie
and the 2 songs u requested.

Too many indeed. Nada GIVE ME MY WIRE BACK!!


Pics I was supposed to send sawsy last night.

even in when its dark sawsy still looks good. Damn u sawsy! *huggles u*

Friday, July 11, 2008

Life on the Internet.

mood: >_>
listening to: Envy of Dance - Dear Bitch *this band is... err..*

Okay, Time for a change. I won't be going on at 8 no more. Grr... I spend too much time on the internet. I blame Jrock.

Gah... I'm going to clean my room tomorrow. My bed is a mess. Since I don't sleep on it no more. Bass, papers, cds, magazines, plastic bags, drawing books, victorian novels, paintings... all on top of it. All thats missing is my underwear, food and possibly guy boxers! hahaha.

Bass playing from 8-11 here. WOHOO! *excitement*
I have to finish tabbing Naihishinsho too. >_> grrz. I suck. I never finished it.


5 hours with the pain before I took the medicine and went to sleep.
I woke up I could still feel the faint pain on my side. This is seriously annoying. I'm not supposed to have it all day long. >_> gah!

another day.

Yesterday was Josh's 5th birthday.
Only like 2 people were there. Me and Nada mostly hung out upstairs anyways.
I filmed 3 bass covers. but only 2 were posted up. Cause Nada was being a fucking retard in the 3rd.

I did something I shouldn't have done last night.
I'm sorry, I ruined your day for you. I shouldn't have talked to him. I shouldn't have told him something I've been dieing to talk to someone about. I know you'll probably be even more annoyed cause I didn't talk to you instead. But hey, I can't tell you some things. I can't tell a lot of people some things. That includes 3 of my other best friends and Motzy.

Regret, Guilt, Sorrow and Pain collided together and forced its way out last night.
He told me something after that hurtful conversation. He told me not to let go. He didn't mean my tears. He meant something else. I asked him why. But he didn't answer me. He just said he won't tell me. I wonder what he meant by that.

I woke up with cold eyes. I didn't feel anything. Emotionless. I was just there. Thoughtless.

Hey, I know you'll probably be reading this. You always read this. I'm sorry, I can't let go. Its not how I work. I know It'll just destroy me. But I can't. You're probably worrying. I'm sorry for that too. Luv u best friend. I know you're always there when I need you. Same goes for the 3. <3 If they're reading this.

Thursday, July 10, 2008


I just want to say this.
Saga is one of the sexiest men on the planet.
The way he licks his bass... DAMN.

anyways, heres my bass cover of alice nine.'s song WORLD END ANTHOLOGY. I messed up so many times. I haven't been practicing this much.

Naihishinsho Bass Cover

Errr.... Yeah... cover by me.

I wish I was better at the bass though


mood: shocked


*sulks in corner*

Lm.c.... I'm not a big fan but they still know miyavi. T-T


mood: okie
listening to: someone reading the Quran on TV.

I've got no inspiration what so ever. So I'm stuck painting one of my manips again.
I'll be painting the whole morning.

I'm pretty much blank emotionally. So I guess thats better than being sad now right?

I've been looking around Livejournal for girls in the visual kei scene and I found this. They missed out on Danger Gang and the girls of Necro Circus. But oh well. Mad girls world indeed. They're flat chested. O-O. I wish I had vk clothes too.

Yato and Cra = awesomeness

Wednesday, July 9, 2008


I am soo not emotionally stable right now.
Last time this happened it was my anger that got the best of me instead... I got through that by cutting. This time I won't use that. Heck no! I won't use it.
I've found a way... to get through it without the stupid shrink again. I've been trying it out for 3 days now. It works a little. I haven't spilled everything out yet. But when I do I stay happy for a long time this time.

-insert emo title here-

This entry is supposed to be filled with emo crap. Cause I'm fucking depressed at the moment and I'm guessing you don't want to hear bout it. So I rather not say anything cause u guys are probably sick of my patheticness. Even I piss myself off sometimes. I'll try to not be depressed at night. I hope it wont eat me on the inside.


mood: awesome! NOT
listening to: Josh running up the stairs.

Emoness be gone!
me go writes stuffies now or I could vent on motzy. Either or.

enmity & hatred

While reading sawsys blog I was inspired to write another entry.

I woke up this morning with that thought. That same thought I always have when I wake up.
Gah! I want to go one day without that stupid thought. Its pointless really trying to get rid of it with all enmity I felt. Apparently my hatred isn't enough to have that thought removed. I wish I could just sleep and never wake.

Why did I just allow myself to get hurt. stupid me.
I should stop now before Ren starts worrying about me again.
*huggles Ren*

Random thought of the day:

I'm in the mood to learn something.
I'm going to go read.


mood: hot. *ac is off*
listening to: some dude on tv.

Pop is home. He decided to take my place as bodyguard to my mom. That means more sleep for me. Well, not today anyways. I woke up, I didn't know pops was going. Tell me before I get up and fix my bed.

Nasser asked me to put in vids and music in his new 4GB memory stick. I hate it when he does that. T-T I'm doing it now though so he wont bug me about it later.

I have to wait until next week to see if my entry for the gulfweekly made it into the shortlist or just featured as one of the entries in the paper. That would be awesome.

Holy shit. My download speed was 54kbs. O3O

Right... Ugly Betty started once again yesterday at 8pm. *happy day*

I'm surprised. The only thing I had yesterday were laughs and smiles.
Lets see if it'll be the same today.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Discharge! & abs

mood: damn...
listening to: of mine - villain... now Desert Rose - abs

I completely forgot how good villain and abingdon boys school are. Damn... *eargasms*

boo boo

mood: *pouts*
listening to: KNIFE - go!go!7188

I learned how to play this song:

Just watch the intro. Thats what I learned how to play on the bass.
I didn't know it would be such a finger work out. My finger started having these weird boil looking kinda crap. It was annoying so I started chewing on them until I made a a cut that I didn't expect to burn so much! I ran to find a band aid. T-T I can't play the bass properly now.

motzy better entertain me.

real one

mood: calm
listening to: Ai Mei - Rainie Yang Cheng Ling (OMG! Chinese Pop)

Okay, this is my real entry of the day.
gulfweekly responded to my email. I can't believe I forgot to give them my age. I'm such a loser.
I hope my pic gets to be posted up in the newspaper tomorrow. OMG! what if it does get to be among great photos in the freaking newspaper!! OMFG! *excitement* Nah... *just disappointed self* It's not really my first time my work has been featured somewhere. Last time it was my brushes that got the attention. I was featured in the Photoshop magazine. So awesome. Nasreen got seriously jealous. Lol. HAHAHAHAHAHHA.

I wish I was an overachiever. *sigh* I should join more ACTUAL contests.

I found another bruise right on top of my other one on my thigh. Me and Motzy blame our bruises on each other cause we huggle to hard. lol. fun fun. Lovable Motzy. Nada wants to show him off at PSB. hahaha now that would be awesome. Sexy Motzy walking down the corridors of the highschool apartment. All eyes on him. Lol reminds me of the first time I walked down that corridor. I had one dude compliment me and the others just whispered "thats nadas sister!? No way!" hahaha.

meh hair smells good. *sniffs hair*
great. I have A.D.D. again. I'm going to play the bass now!


mood: pissed


had to

I'm seriously amused!
I'm supposed to be taking a shower at this moment but I just saw someone I haven't seen in years. My ex-stalker Husain. Yes, the guy that I used to passionately loathe for all eternity. We used to fight all the fucking time. Fight fight fight thats all we used to do. We would fight cause he kept on following us around. Okay okay... back to the amusing part. Husain, the dude who always wore black and is a complete bad boy. I just saw him a few minutes ago running towards a car dressed in those banker clothes minus the suit. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm sorry I just never imagined that asshole will actually grow up. What amused me the most is I actually thought he was hot. Hahahaha. I'm starting to miss fighting with him now. hahahahaahhahahahah that made my day.

Monday, July 7, 2008


mood: Okay
listening to: sayonara no hate - Sadie

I just sent in my entry for GulfWeekly's Photography Contest. *nervous*
I just entered it cause... well I can. I doubt I'll win. I'm not even a good photographer. I hope I don't win. Whatever, there are 25 year olds joining. Oh whatever.

I'm planning to break up. ^__^ Lol.

I woke up well today. I don't feel sleepy, sick or tired. I just feel hot in a feverish way.
Mom just reminded me that I didn't get all the shots I'm supposed to get if I went to school. YAY! I'm getting shots when my dad gets home. Quite alot of shots in fact.

I should start practicing the songs I'm going to cover for another contest. Gah... that reminds me I have to finish tabbing 内非新書. (I love my Japanese keyboard) I also have to practice the Tokio Hotel song we're going to play. Damn! so much work to do for just one live T-T. I shouldn't complain its our first and our last live together. Then we'll be ex-mon~sun. members. So fucking awesome. If only I was in Japan then maybe I could do session bands. So much fun. Oh and wearing all those revealing visual kei outfits. Oh yes. I wouldn't mind wearing anything revealing as long as its visual kei. Speaking of visual kei. Every time I see Miyavi and Teddy Loid standing next to each other I think of bad things... very bad things. I blame the forum I've been hanging around... too many fan girls of that pairing.

Mom ain't feeling too good so Uncle Noy will be picking up the siblings instead of us. Mom has been venting about how dads been worrying about her. She doesn't like it at all. If I was getting that kind of attention I won't complain. *sigh* Well, no one needs to worry about me no mores. I ain't that sick.

I have accepted the fact. I wonder how long this will last. I wonder how long I can take it.

Sunday, July 6, 2008


mood: sleepy... and in pain
listening to: How about truth...? - 12012

I've got 2 of my dude best friends worrying about me. Oh come on. It ain't no big deal that I'm sick. I'll be fine. If it happens turn out to be a huge kind of sickness. Don't worry bout it I don't have the will to live.

I'm kidding. I fight back.
I'm sleepy again dammit.

100%/ Keep it inside/ Nothing - O2R

mood: not okay
listening to: the tv

I'm starting to hate this even more.
This is way harder than I thought it would be.

*breathes* I can get through this. Yep I can.


I think I have one. >_> dammit.
this is a short post cause well... I'm waiting for this stupid website to load.
I've got a kareshi. Its pretty pointless. lol

Nappy Nap

mood: sleepy
listening to: the tv

I was supposed to take a nap after our usual morning run. But I was thinking bout mom. If I sleep now I might wake up after she leaves to pick up little Josh from school. I don't want her to go alone. Her health at the moment isn't really promising and Dad's not here to convince her to go to the hospital. She doesn't listen to anyone but my dad. Which is annoying.

I took a long time for me to decide whether or not to wet my hair or not. Gah. T-T it hurt so much to get rid of my pwetty straight hair. But I did anyways.

I'm going to get a soar throat soon. I want to sleep... I feel so light headed.

Oh crap. I need to start filming those covers for the contest. If only Nasreen came home with the acoustic.

I got my diploma and report card yesterday. I'm surprised that I didn't get one B. I'm not that smart. >< the report card lies to me.

I'll go force myself to eat now. I hope I succeed.

Saturday, July 5, 2008


mood: okie
listening to: zetsubou no ame - eqlipsE *damn, i love this song*

moth. (c) Najla Qamber 25/06/08
Mixed Media. Paint and Oil Pastels.

Dammit... I had a fever and I'm scared I might have leukemia. I've got some symptoms. But not all. Hahaha. that means I'm safe. Also my mom says I might get my period again cause I'm bruising. hahaha.

lets see what symptoms of Leukemia I have.
Fatigue, bruising, weakness, reduced exercise tolerance, Abdominal pain, and now a fever. Wohoo for me. Hmm.. I still think I'm just going to have my period soon... again.


Thats one problem thats been fixed. Now, I shall fix my biggest problem.
I don't know how but I will get over it without anyone noticing. Its going to take awhile but who cares.
This has been painful. I can't take it any longer. I'm surprised I lasted this long though. Wohoo for me!

This makes me laugh. How the hell do I manage. *sigh* Here I go again. I hope this process won't hurt as much as... yeah.

On the brightside.

I'm totally crushing on Robie again! He is just... *drool* I saw him today and he looked hwat.

Friday, July 4, 2008


mood: gah!
listening to: illusion - lynch.

I was watching old Miyavi videos and and... I just remembered he posting up my vid I did of one of his guitar crap to his blog and and... *cries* I cried when I found out. I mean... MIYAVI!!! you could've at least warned me. Gomen sempai! but u still embarrassment me by watching it. *hides under a rock* I was the only girl on the list of vids and probably the least experienced. That vid is 9 months old. I'm way better now. I think.


Mirror Ball cover done by Jay

I mean like woah. Where has this guy been all my life?

o____o everything tabbed by ear. T-T

Fantasy Vocal Cover done by a filipino dude.

Hes voice sounds soo much like Shou...

damn good.

Oh and miyavi. My sempai.


lilo and stitch

mood: wtf?
listening to: Nassers bad singing. >_>

I'm completely blank. Gah... this is soo annoying. Being emotionless is what I wanted but seriously its getting annoying. >_> Happiness... pop in from somewhere.


mood: *huggles yanny*

Kyuu wa?... stupid mind... stop with the japanese. >_>

Today wasn't different... its always the same shit different day. Despite my mood. Well, if they would just shut up and stop making me feel bad. Today would've been me and my grinning self.
Tomorrow, Hopefully... I'll be a little chipper. I'll try to ignore my "real feelings" if anything does come up.

I really missed talking to Motzy. I mean... before Ren, he was the one I stayed up all night with. We sorta drifted apart a little but it now we're kool. Hes like my source for free huggles now a days besides renren of course.

I hope Saturday goes well. I hope I'm in a good mood by then. Oh please! no more pain directed to me please! give me a little break people!

Thursday, July 3, 2008


*sigh* how many times can a person get hurt in a day?
Oh happy day. Life is such a wonderful thing. So desu ka?

a short entry for a short day.


Mom is worrying me a little. She feels dizzy and she says she feels like someones strangling her. High bp. Since Tita Susan took her day off a little too early. I'm stuck with the house work for a bit. Dammit it Nasser hurry up and finish eating. I have a headache and I nearly puked out my dinner again. I hate puking.


ItachixNaruto. I didn't see that one coming.
LxRaito. yum.
Renjixichigo... *giggle*
SaixNaruto. too much angst meh luv it. lol

fan girl moment. I just wanted to randomly replace vague emo post.


mood: happeh
listening to: ym im alerts.

I don't know what I did to deserve this fate.
It seems to happen to me every time. I'm starting to grow really tired of it. I don't want it to happen again. Its too much.

Well, I should really start getting used to it. You'll be feeling it for a long while so get used to it already.

I hate wanting something I can't have. Its stupid. Its pointless. Just stop thinking about it already.
Gah... I wonder how long I can last being this way before I end it.

I finished Zettai Kareshi and the ending will make u cry. Remind me never to watch dramas that involve love for awhile. Its too much for me. >-> Oh happeh day. *does alittle dance*

Kareshi 2

Its soo sad. How can... gah. *continues watching Zettai Kareshi*

Random thought of the day:
I wish I had the guts to cry.


mood: *grin*
listening to: TIME GOES BY ~ VAMPS

I want one. I really do.

anyways, I woke up several times before I actually woke up. I'm so fucking exhausted. Stupid Double periods. Making me lose a lot of blood. Mom's gonna take me to the hospital soon. Not today but sometime next week probably. I hope they don't need to stick something up there. I can't even think about it without getting freaked out.

I kept on falling asleep in the car. But when we reached home I didn't feel sleepy at all. I'm just really weak.

I took as shower and the bruise on my thigh is freaking annoying. Its been there for a week now and its seriously getting on my nerves. stupid bruise. On the bright side I looked good with my wet hair on the side. hehehe. *claps hands*

LMAO. I have A.D.D. atm.
look what I found!

all those bored moments. I'm vain when I'm bored. haha!

this is me today! A.D.D. kills.


Wednesday, July 2, 2008


Usually I would be all chipper and add the mood and listening to parts of my blog. But hey... when your depressed u don't want to do some routines.
I've been talking to him since 11am. I'm surprised we're not even bored of each other yet.
We had a convo that really hurt me. I brought it upon myself but it still hurt. I never admit this but I will anyways. I cried for the first time in almost 2 months. I feel like a weakling. Even though I didn't cry for more than 2 minutes. Nada was in the room. So I had to keep it low. But whatever. I shouldn't have cried. I never lasted this little. 2 months? what the fuck? I usually make it to 6 months then I cry for a bit and build that dam again. I guess I'll never beat my 2 year record. After what happened between me and Moe I promised myself I would never cry I again. Oh lookie lookie... whose got the wet trails of tears on her cheeks. Gah... oh whatever. Pain is just pain and tears is just another part of it.

Big smile there Naj! Keep that spirit up. You've gone through more than this shit by yourself. I'm sure you can handle what is to come.

Zettai Kareshi

mood: joyful *weird*
listening to: time goes by ~ VAMPS (random comment about the song: Hyde-san in Vamps is awesome. The guitars are awesome)

I'm planning to finish watching Zettai Kareshi today. They'll be deleting it from crunchyroll soon. Theres something going on with the sub masters of SARS and crunchyroll. Pretty messed up shit right there.

I could barely wake up this morning. I kept on... gah. What totally sucks... Mom doesn't notice me at all in the mornings. We're all sleeping in one room. (me, nada and naser) She wakes them up and then walks out. T-T Hello! I'm here you know... Whatever. I wake up on my own anyways.

After watching tv with Dad and siblings. I noticed mom was missing. She was downstairs cleaning the car. If dad found out she was he would force us to go down and help her. >-> I dropped dead on the futon. Sleeepppyy...

Hehehe You mentioned me againz! *huggles* Yay for me. You better wake up soon. Marathon! woohooo!

Damn... I love this song. I want to play it on the guitar now. *looks for tabs* Dammit. Its still new... >->

I'm currently reading an airbrush painting tutorial done by my senpai! She Pinay and awesome. Her art is just AWESOME! It needs more attention.

I'm planning to enter a photography contest held by Gulf Weekly. Yea... I have a little skill in Photography... just a little. But I think its good enough. Gosh... >-> I have to work on my CV.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008


DAMN! Today is like the greatest day in my entire life! I mean YAY ME!

guess what you guys..?
One of my fav unknown bands disbanded. Aint that great?

Just another awesome incident to add to my GREAT day.
Oh where do I find a HUGE jar to fill it up with my overflowing joy!


mood: T_T
listening to: air

Dad is in a bad mood and its scary to be around him at the moment. He just came in and told me to search for colleges online. Then he walked away swearing in arabic. I don't like this.

I don't know what to do. I want mom to ask the school I'm already if they know any hs colleges. They should know. I asked her to do it and all she did was laugh. This is not good at all. Theres a slight chance if I don't find anything I might end up going to AMA and I don't want to.
I know I'm old enough to do shit. But still. Okay. I don't want to waste my parents money again by forcing false hopes towards myself and them. I hate myself for being this way. I just want to freaking jump off this stupid house already... To end both my parents disappointed in me as well as my own hopelessness.

I've noticed now a days people don't seem to be listening to me much. I'm saying something and all I get is silence. I try a couple of more times and its still the same thing. What the fuck is going on? Gah... maybe everyone just has something on their mind every fucking day.

This problem between them will hopefully be fixed. I know it would. If only she would just get over the fact that people can change and they will change. She just needs to accept it and suck it up. I'm sorry to say this but she is being such a spoiled brat. I still don't get why shes so fucking mad at him. I don't see it at all. So what... he grew an ego. Big fucking deal. Hey... at least he didn't go and change so freaking much he never wants to acknowledge your presence. There are worst things and he didn't steal me from you. I am no ones property dammit. This is fucked up.
Stop being stubborn. I know I'm supposed to understand her more but I still don't get it. She doesn't have any hidden agendas, that I know. Just... gah. Get it fixed already. I'm sick of you being all sour faced every time I mention his name.

I'm really glad you don't read my blog.