Thursday, February 26, 2009

Imaginary Creature

Mood: Ready 
Listening to:  Ice Romancer ~ Sadie 

As much as I thought I was good in photoshop, I'm still that dysfunctional little creature who's still the amateur no matter what. I just realized that despite the years I've been using Photoshop. I'm still ignorant of how it works. I've been lingering in the basics for too long. I must expand expand expand. I need to keep moving forward rather than stand still. 
I'm ready to challenge my idiotic being! The thing is, I've always challenged myself but thats just on the idea of what is to be done rather than how I'll bring the idea to life. My imagination has enlarged but not my skill. 

I think this office has changed me in more ways than ever. 
Despite it building that design path in front of me. I don't know what to do if I'm forever parted from this place. I'll probably be very very very lost. Well, I better get ready for that day. Its going to come sometime, hopefully not too soon. Little mind! lets gather as much information as possible, you hear! 
Time to make a name for myself! 

Objectives for the week: 
  • nightmare albums in Eclipse
  • Make random band logos
  • Read 'designing logos'
  • Fix painting
  •  find 'body crumbles' bass tabs. yay! [x]
  • 'Jewels' Solo is calling me! 
  • Hell, I gotta organize my shelves
  • Rip 'Who framed roger rabbit' 
  • Burn CD for Kal :D [TMNT 1, 2, & 3 are included!!]
  • Finish Yomi!
  • ZCCB meeting. 
  • Finish 'New Moon'
  • post up the rest of the light effects on Insan-stock at DA
  • Make cover for portfolio 
  • Fill up Portfolio
  • Make meh Multiply Theme. Kals aswell! yay! (this will take hours) 
  • Buy new set of contacts, and jeans... my jeans are all torn up. T-T *sniff*
  • expand photoshop skills 
  • start study plan for this year 
  • update vision board
  • update playlist 
  • finish downloading 'Mary Reilly' 
  • Back up Pictures into cds
  • Buy 5BD worth of empty DvDs [PC DOCTOR here I come!]
* Todays 'musts'

Future self! you're going to be a very clear picture soon. 

damn... i seriously have some issues. 

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Simple things in life

Telling the worst things that ever happened to you to the person you're scared to lose was a lot easier than I anticipated. I'm glad he understands though. Its quite a shocker actually, I thought that maybe his view on me would change like it did with so many other people but it didn't it stayed the same but he still marks me as weird. lol which I don't mind at all. Everyones weird yea? 

I started writing again. 
Who knew my inspiration all came from what I felt now and Victorian movies. I was watching 'Miss Austen Regrets' and when Jane said something that seemed to strike my little bells in my head. I began writing with "His character, his personality, his wit what ever your vocabulary would allow you to use, is none descript." and it continues. I would rather not post up so much spoilers. 

I'm actually proud of what I've been writing lately.  Intellectually, I've been going up a pace and it brings me to a Horrah phase!

Lunch time, I've got lots to do after 10 minutes. 
This entry was supposed to be written on Friday but something just made me not want to do anything but that 'something'. But! I did paint, the painting did not come out too well, I experimented with skin tones and... the out come wasn't so great cause the lighting was supposed to match the color of the skin tone. -...failure...- 

I'll try again today, or tomorrow. 
I feel like making random logos when I get home and I still have to finish the 'Designing logos' book I bought. *sigh* 

*copies weldon* 

Objectives for the week: 
  • put in 'redemption' & nightmare albums in Eclipse
  • Make random band logos
  • Read 'designing logos'
  • Fix painting
  • *next shit to do comes during the week* 

Thursday, February 19, 2009

and the week ends... with a silent afternoon.

mood: excited
listening to: in the rain - 9goats black out 

This whole week has been hectic. So hectic that I wanted to quit. 
I got a little too pressured as well as stressed. Yay. >.> I'm just glad I had someone there with me on the most stressful day. You know who you are. 

Spring of Culture has finally been launched. 
I'm happy to have been part of their design team. 
Though they don't know it. 

I can't wait for home. 
Its really quiet here. 

*people walks in*

not anymore... 

3 hours more and I'm gone. yay! 


Sunday, February 15, 2009

when the ink runs out.

mood: tired but wide awake
listening to: recall ~ Sadie

For 3 hours now, I've been going at the logo with 'rad' (as Paul would say) new designs.
I think I did well enough for the client to actuall pick one and not make me change it again.
Hopefully, This will all be done soon. They need the Logo ASAP and I need to get this out of my hands I don't like leaving things unfinished neither do I like keeping anyone waiting and my deadline has already passed. I should be doing this job for free. Hahahaha. *hopes she doesn't give anyone ideas*

Right now, I finished the ink. Yes, I ran out of Ideas or in this case ink.
Tomorrow will definately be a busy day at work for me. I have like 3 things booked for me. *sighs*
I love it, having so much work to do. Lets just say I'm the kind of person who hates feeling useless by doing nothing.

A funny thing happened, an old friend who tried getting into my pants when I was 13 called me earlier. He does this all the time. He would call after a year or 6 months or so. Its so fucking hilarious. He was flirting with me non-stop. I couldn't even speak without him going all 'I bet you look hotter than before' I just rolled my eyes.

sad sad world.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Friday the 13th

Mood: tired, worried, & sleepy
Listening to: born ~ Nega

I'm so fucking tired.
I'm sleepy as well.
I just got a new hair cut. I like it. yay.~

Today is our monthsary. I'm sad that I didn't get to spend time with him. Hopefully, tomorrow will make up for it. I kept myself busy to not think to much on our distance. I helped Nada with her Scrapbook Project. They had to make a scrapbook from scratch. Now, thats where my artwork skills come in. I made a book out of A3 paper. Its a base for the actual scrap book. It actually looks good. Its very nature like looking. We spent hours on it. 12-4pm, 5:37-9 and we're still not done yet. Its starting to drive me mad. 'Stick picture onto colored paper, cut around to make frame, give to nada to stick on scrapbookx1000000000000000' >.<


Umm... Prom.
I found it fun actually. I got to dance with friends and so on.
One of which was such a sweetheart.
I asked him "How's things with you?"
His answer shocked me actually, I didn't expect it at all. It was a singular answer to such a question. He answered "She got me"
'huh?' I thought, Then I got it. 'Oh my God... thats so great.'
'She has me and now I dont know what the next steps are.'
I smiled, 'Let it flow through your fingers, and follow your feelings'
I know that sounded kind of corny. But I thought it was the right thing to say.
I asked him where she was. 'Over there' he pointed with a move of his head. It was the same direction hes been glancing constantly at for the small amount of time we danced. I found it so heartwarming. He seemed so in love with her and she (despite already saying yes to him) has no idea how much he does. Of course she'll be naive about it. The relationship is still fresh. Soon, they'll have their special moment that they'll never forget. Its so sweet. Makes me want to hold my luvs hand and Thank God that I have him. ><>.> seriously. STOPP...

(blames the sweetness)

Okay, moving on...

I'm tired. I'll just work on the logo for an hour or two then I'll sleep.

Sunday, February 8, 2009


mood: mishin someone. -.-
listening to: This is Halloween ~ Panic! at the disco

"Listen to those who are distressed but do not try to solve their problems; we all have the answers to out problems inside ourselves" 

That makes me feel waayyy better about myself. 
I'm not a useless person after all when it comes to advice, listening is MY advice. 

*sigh* I'm glad. 
For years now I felt useless every time someone ran to me for advice and I didn't have any. I just had my sharp ears to listen to their ranting. Hehehe I always thought 'Vent on me' was stamped on my forehead.  Anything to help. I'll listen as long as you don't catch me at a bad time. 

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Lunch times not an option.

Mood: hot
listening to: When the day met the night - Panic! at the disco (pretty song, sounds kinda old) 

I don't if its the coffee but I really feel hot.  I could break a sweat any moment now and the window is open. This is not normal... 

I've been getting small jobs that take me like 10 minutes to do. Which is kinda sad. If I list down what I did all day it would be a lot if you ask me. I just finish it too fast I guess. 
The clients are lucky they don't have to pay so much for hours if they got me on the job.!  *tries to stay positive* I guess I like em big jobs that take 3 hours or so to do. Those are fun. I'll have my eyes glued to the screen for HOURS on end and my brain shuts out everything. You'll be annoyed to see me like that. It'll be the first time I won't talk to you or listen to you or even notice you're around. Thats when I'm in my wittle design world. *oh happy day* Haha. Trust me. Naz doesn't like me that way. She says I might even get stabbed in the back without noticing. Haha That would be the day. 

almost 12. 
I want to eat... *drools* 

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

just one of those days

mood: neutral
listening to: infinity ~ zwei

Just a blog entry before I work hard on the ZCCB logo.
Honestly, I have ideas but I'm not 100% sure I'll be able to put down all as a sketch on indesign or illustrator. Its harder than you think.

I'm so used to people complimenting me on what I've done for my age. This time they don't even care how old I am. Now, they treat me as if I was 32 and with a graphics design degree. With that they'll criticize and kill my passion as well as hurt me.

5 months ago I didn't even know where my life was going. I thought that I'll end up staying with my parents until my 30s, unemployed and lonely. But that all changed once I started at where I am now. They just threw this path infront of me. That I think is wonderful and all but they don't really know that they think I can do absolutely everything when they give me a design job. *sigh* I don't want them to cut me some slack cause I always have guidance and help but I just feel inferior and small when I started with zccb. Its like... I don't know... Its like I lost my wings when I'm not working in that purple office. I don't have guidance, or help its just me, alone with no seniors to say "Why don't you try?" or "That'll be great if you added." or something to motivate me more. I feel so helpless and weak... and I hate it. I'm nothing outside that office am I? or am I back in the real world?

Monday, February 2, 2009

Hyper Naj is a Hyper moody Naj.

moody as fuck.
listening: something by sadie

I'm hyper as fuck and I'm pissed.
VERY PISSED and for no fucking reason too.


I want to do a lot of things right now. But I don't have time to do everything.
I don't know whats wrong with me.
I'm at work being as useless as ever for the first time in months! and I come home wanting to make up for it by dumping more work on myself? I can't take much of myself nowadays.

Its absolutely pissing me off.
My inferiority in music is pissing me off aswell.

My notebook is being fucking slow.
I'm going to restart it when Hana kimi is done downloading.


I feel as if I want to scream but nothing wants to come out. I'm very calm, but in my head... I'm most definately not. If someone talks to me right now I'm sure I'm going to be biting their head off. Someone fucking kill me before I do it myself.

Gah... my laptop chose the worst time to be a slow piece of shit.
and whats up with my google spell check!? it doesn't work for shit.

I hate hate hate feeling useless.

lunch break!

mood: excited 
listening to: people talking bout skiing

I wanna ski too... 
Here I am at work... doing nothing but manning the phones (straight orders from Naz who went for a smoke). 

Got complimented on how I looked which is weird cause I always wear this outfit. haha. 

I woke up this morning feeling kinda sad that I fell asleep while talking to him. .-. Noez. 
I don't like doing that. I like it better when we say goodnight properly then fall asleep. 

Last night I don't know what I did when I came home last night. Oh yes... I was talking to renz on the phone. *sigh* You better be in a good mood today best! I want to finish designing ZCCB Tickets! I NEED THE CONTENT RENIEL! LIKE ASAP! I want to finish it this week as well as present it. Maybe Thrusday? Gah... I have to send you an email. 

I got so pissed off this morning. I'm starting to get annoyed by my hair. Its too fucking long. I'm cutting it this weekend. 

I'm going to spend the whole weekend updating DA, and Livejournal. 

This is going to drive me cwazy... >.> 

Sunday, February 1, 2009

So early in the morning.

mood: sleepy 
listening to: kaimu (studio version) ~ ONE OK ROCK 

Grrzz... I'm at work an hour early. I wanna sleep more and wake up to a certain someones voice rather than mom or cats in heat.  .-.

Last night, I slept over Naz's. I was supposed to be teaching some shit to a friend of hers. lol... I have a feeling I disappointed them a little... haha. Who told them to expect so much from me anyways? Yesterday was fun though. I spent the whooole day with the person I wanted to spend the whole day with (mish you) and........... I'm sleepy. *yawns* Even though I slept in his arms a little. But there were distractions so I ended up waking up every time I actually fell asleep. Grrz. 

When he left I slept like a baby but I woke up at 2:00am then at 4:45 am... I don't get why I just wake up like that. Its annoying. I hope it won't keep happening. I can't wait to go home later.  I'll take a little nap at until 7:30 then I'll start downloading Hana Kimi! then maybe stay up until 11ish then I'll be out cold. 

This is supposed to be a reaaally long entry. Lets just say I'm too sleepy to think right now. 

Its February. o_O prom is close and... so is Valentines. yay? 
It's Feb already. Damn. That was fast. 

Random Fact of the Day: I look like a nursing student today. *laughs*  and I brought Eli to work! I forgot to put him in my other bag thats supposed to be going home. >.>