Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Bai bai Yoshihiko

mood: sad, tired and busy
listening to: nothing 

I've spent 3 hours backing up all my files cause tomorrow... my dads going to take my laptop away to have it reformatted so i can do shit on it once again.! hopefully i wont download music that'll take up 8gb of my space wen i get meh old but reformatted notebook once again. 

too much jrock ppl. >.<>

I'm a total jrock lover. 

I heart purple. I'm going to dress work like tomorrow. 
I'll have pictures up tomorrow anyways. 
Tomorrows our last day of work till Jan 4 .

miss ko tulo si kuya. 

Hmm... I never thought I would actually get along with paul so well. haha hes so cool. I want to be just like him (childish remark) he just makes more sense than anything. Hes more on the creative side of his mind rather than his mind itself and the amount of passion he has intrigues me so much. I could learn alot from him. Wohoo! someone i actually really really do look up to. Right on Paul.! 

The open seas. 
Today, I've learned to think outside the box as much as possible to have something that doesn't resemble anything. I don't know what the fuck i'm talking about. But in general, creativety can spread like a disease if youre lucky enough.

For some odd reason my mind just... wants to I dunno absorb more knowledge than its already getting. Its like so hungry and needs more of what its getting. sounds fucked up. 






Eagerly thrown off.

mood: calm enough i guess
listening to: into the dark - lycaon

I spent about an hour trying to get up this morning. I didn't feel at all eager to get up and go to work. But I'm happy I did. Theres only about 7 of us in today. 
Everyone just slacked off and decided not to come in today cause the bosses aren't in. 
Seriously. .-. haha
I didn't feel like coming to work today... err I'm here now and I don't feel like leaving anymore. 
I love the atmosphere and the trance music in the background, totally sets me in the mood. (not that kind of mood) *is talkin to kal* haha. 

I was alone at work for a bit yesterday. I just wanted to sit at the library and read. 

Last night, I printed out pics for my scrap book. Now, I really hate starting it.  I've been making scrap books for 2 years now. If I start something I have to finish it. I printed out shit loads of pics... to find a pic of me and ren... thats not supposed to be printed out. .-.

Monday, December 29, 2008

wise words that don't seem to disappear from my mind

A designer once said "Never bow down to other designers beliefs, have your own mind, don't agree with everything if you do. If you keep on saying, yes, yes, it looks perfect then you'll lose your passion, you'll lose your soul." 

He did not directly say it to me. 
But it couldn't be missed. Its something that could help me in so many ways. 

Post 900. 
I'm tired. 

2 hours

mood: happeh
listening to: crazy botch - one ok rock 

2 hours and i'm gone. weeeee! 

I usually post up shit like this on my ameblo instead. but ehh... whatever.~ 

To do list


I am not going to post it up here.
Its pwivate. 


I wanna spam... 
until I got 900

wuv ya!

mood: happeh
listening to: the massage chair


I in the mood to do a mock up. 
I just ordered burger king. If weldon worked at mcdonalds here in juffair and he was the delivery dude. I would totally order mcdo everyday! hahahaha. 


being at work like this... 

is not good. 

Not good at all. 

Distressed and not happy?

mood: not so good
listening to: ice romancer - sadie 

last night, the night before, this morning. 
Fought with renz, fought with renz, fought with mom. 


enough, please. .-. 

someone call me. .-. 

Sunday, December 28, 2008


I was meaning to post up a blog entry yesterday... but nooo... the stupid browser crashed. >< 
This is just horrible. gahh...

I was a bit fucked up on Friday. haha. 
I'm not saying why. hahaha. I just came to a realization is all. 
anyways... Its 5, and I'm still at work. One more hour and I'm gone I guess.
and I'm hoping to get 900 Entries by 2009. yay! 


mood: err... i have a headache
listening to: akane - nightmare

at work. 

I definitely have to fix my safari or my firefox, either or. Its being fucked up. >->

why do i smell another mock up. 

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Yume wa ai desu.!

listening to: Hitsuzen Maker - ONE OK ROCK
mood: sleepy but happy

I have officially changed.
My attitude to the world is just as positive as possible.
I dress maturely (haha) but vk when I feel like it.
My shyness is non existent, I can finally go wherever I want by myself or with friends with no family in sight.

Haha! this year I've achieved a lot that's for sure.

Now, I'm in the mood to write and update my scrap book.
6 days till New Years.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Ice Romancer

mood: tired out of my mind.
listening: Ice Romancer ~ Sadie

Why is Ren always right...? If you're reading this. I hate you! I know you've been waiting for this day again. Actually you're prepared for it. But if you actually just let me be and leave me to my thoughts... wait, rephrase. If you abandon me like you spoke you would I will literally end our friendship (if it hasn't ended yet) and I know you wouldn't like that now would you? you fucking cockmaster.

Well, you're not 100% right. But its getting there really slowly cause... CAUSE. I'm actually avoiding it, being careful. Staying as distant as possible. I swear if it happens again. I wouldn't know what to do at all. I'll be in immense pain. That I know, but does it always have to be the same reason? The same fucking reason. Goddamn it. Someone stab out every organ and bury it in separate places.!

Haha. lame. >.>

I honestly think that my heart is weak when it comes to this crap. Otherwise it can be hard as a rock. I'm awesome that way. ♥ NO NEED TO CRY FOR SHIZZZ!

I'm writing this hopefully hidiously long entry cause I haven't written a long one in awhile.

Recently, I've been... having some difficulty with something that only Renz knows about. I don't mind him knowing . I actually need someone there supporting me as I stand weakly, there when I fall. literally.
Honestly speaking, I would like to ask one question! Why does it seem as though history is repeating itself? Slightly the same situation. Wait... actually its very a like in some ways.
Before this the only thing that seemed to repeat was the reason. This time its as similar as the 3rd. I find it completely hilarious. I'm such a bull shit artist.
I like laughing at my own problems and my weak feelings.



I know what my weakness is.


I just realized...

I fall hard for the guys who don't seem to care about me! hahahaha. No wonder.


I think renz already knows this before I did?


Could you at least tell your best... so she won't keep wondering wtf everything is... >.>

My current advice to myself is:

Ignore it as much as you can. If you linger on the thoughts cause it feels damn good. You're going to have hell to pay for later on. If there are things you just seem to... yea. Take it as Charm that likes to play with everything else. haha. Even if fate always throws things together for you and you like what its throwing at you. Don't always believe it...


It wasn't like this before.
Gah.! okay...
*time for rhetorical questioning*
what to do. what to do.

I hate this. ( ̄_ ̄ i)

Does it have to sting? or even manage to fucking piss off my calm mood? Grr.! go screw yourself nOOb. >.>

Things being done:
Don't seem to be there and obvious. So things wont get ruined. Pulled away whenever something gets too harsh in text. I would prefer it if I stayed away a bit more in the beginning. Then again it was always there in the first place wheather I liked it or not. My 'wants' sometimes loves taking over me. I don't let it. I think of it. I go for it but stop knowing its the worst thing to do.
Letting go and walking away. Always seemed to be done between or after a certain need takes place. haha.

and who ever is reading this. Probably has no idea what I'm talking about cept wenwen of course.

Im freezing cold. I don't get why I even took off my socks. *brainless at the moment*

I've been playing the bass non stop recently. I seem to take it more seriously than I used to.
I've been learning new and hard crap. Which I found incredibly easy 20 minutes later. Like everyone says. Practice makes perfect.

8degrees in Osaka. >.>

16 here. wtf. Too cold.

I'm going to be snuggling in my blankie tonight!

as bored as I seemed to be. I started checking if unrequited showed up on google. But some other crap came up like... unrequited love and how to deal with it and all that hullaballu.
Completely useless I should say.

Unrequited situations just piss me off so much.

that reminds me. I should finish Chapter Five already. haha

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Loathe. & Hate

mood: tired
listening : to renz on the phone.

(o_o) hes playin chess while talkin to me on the phone.


If the bill wasn't in the way we would have talked on the phone for hours on end.
I find it hilarious.
lubb you best!


Ren, has been... complaining? bitching? nagging? about me using words like utterly, immense, emnity and blah blah. haha. Whats wrong with using words such as those? >.>

time to do a fun fun meme!!!

Sunday, December 14, 2008



my japanese flag doesn't nothing but sit still in the wind.

mood: eager
listening to: into the dark ~ lycaon

First off.
Don't EVER call me useless... EVER again.

Yes, umm... this time I'll bitch about the 20 bands that disbanded within Nov and Dec.
I find it completely ridiculous. Why even start a band when you'll disband after like 4 lives? HUH??!!?! seriously. >.>

This Christmas all I want is my family, my bestfriends and friends all together and I also want my Koala. Which I doubt a certain someone will get me. *Sigh*
Honestly hun. I hate it when we fight. I don't like it at all. Its either u dis me or try to say something that pisses me off or me... doing something stupid to make u do that crap.
We'll just end up hurting each other somehow or is it just me who's getting hurt? haha I'm too emotional. T-T

Wuv u bwest. I know all u want for me is the best and I'm just being stubborn and not listening to your advice. But I will this time. okay?

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Just remembering...

I hate him cause he belittles my existence in this world. Its like for him hurting me is what gives him pleasure.

I would love for him to see me now.
He would always laugh at my ignorance and uselessness.
He would also laugh cause I didn't go to school.
He would hurt me senseless, not even hesitating one bit. He loved hurting me.
It was his hobby I'm guessing.
He would just randomly say how freaking bad I was at everything.
I drew, he saw and said you're not as good as your sister.
I wrote, he read and said you're bad at writing.
I read and he saw and said don't try being smart. It wont work without you going to school.
I was always the worst person to him and to think I loved him.
If I talked to him last time... he would've done the same. Doing it over and over again.
Like pleasure seeps out of every painful word he loves shattering me with.

Now, I think he'll eat up all his words. You better chew and swallow fast, cause I'm going to make you eat every word that hurt me in so many ways. Ha! I'm done with school, I draw way better than my own elder sister. I'm not useless I'm working as a junior designer! so go fuck yourself asshole. You defy me one more time and I'll make you lose your manhood.
No, I don't hate you cause I once loved you. I hate you cause you enjoy hurting my very soul. Downgrading my new born talents almost making me stop. I hate you cause you make me cry each time a word falls from your mouth.

You're an ego-centric ass who thinks there are girls lining up for you. Fuck, those girls aren't even real. I'll probably be the only girl who'll ignore your existence as you did mine. Hell, I did that last time. I can do it again... *smirks* Maybe I should talk to you and hurt you like you did me. Hell, revenge may be sweet but this was a long time ago... so I think I should let it slide after I shout at you senseless.

I can't wait to see you again. 18 year old ass. I just want you to see me now.
16 and more accomplished then any other 16 year old. I just want to rub it in your face. Even a little.

3 months? then you're here... umm... this I will enjoy.

Friday, December 12, 2008

When wild parties have to end before we get kicked out.

mood: occupied in heavy metal japanese rock.
listening to: fuck me ~ DEATHGAZE

This week was so eventful in a very uneventful way.
I don't make sense and I don't care.
I'm sitting here on my bed typing away on my laptop. Hopefully fast enough so Nada would wake up to the sound of me typing away. haha

Sunday, I went to work like normally. Did some major editing on some stationery. Made mock ups for an oil brand I should keep on the DL and also did a presentation for the said brand. (We had a meeting with the brands managers)

Now playing: 夢幻 -electric eden- ~ alice nine. [fucking amazing song]

Eid was okay. The usual chill with family tradition. But this time we went for a joy ride in my cousins car. haha
I'll just skip to Wednesday... OKOR...
Missed the WHOLE thing. Went with Mae and Nich~ It was funny, met up with Kevs, Jay C and the dudes. It was all kool. Hanged around KFC. Met a cool guy and walked home with him and kevs to pick up his painting. Turned into eye candy by two guys... it annoys me really. The phrase 'eye candy' is just eck. >.> One of them looked so freaking familiar. I still don't remember who he is or who he looks like. The other dude... well lets just say he looks like a creep.

Ah yes...
Thrusday... another working day I adored really.
I got to set up a christmas tree, well two christmas trees with Naz. Shortly after went for the Eidmas dinner the office had. I didn't expect so much gifts haha. It was fun. I got to drink. Though everyone wanted to steal the glass away from me. I SAY NEVER! BACK! I may be young... but I'm mature enough to control myself when drinking. I don't think I've ever drank so little before. I was watching myself I guess. I had to go home sober and the fact that my dad has a nose of a grey hound really makes u go brush your teeth and spray yourself with cologne after drinking. haha. I didn't do either of course. I drank lots of water and hugged people to get their scent on me! hahaha. It was fun. REAL FUN. The presents I got was just awesome... when I say awesome I say green awesome. *laughs*
Everyone made comments about each other anonymously. I had pretty funny ones. Some pissed me off.

Najla Qamber:

Najla: Hard working and polite, very helpful and eager to do her best!

Najla- the young blood of the designation (read design nation)

Naj... Mini silent but deadly! Again, just kidding. A true super trooper who is a pleasure to work with and is always so helpful. She works hard and always gets the job done.

The first of the next unisono generation
A little sponge for information

Naj: Has got an amazing talent and is very dependable most of the time even if she is just 16!

Naj: bubbly, talented & got it together. I don't think I was so smart when I was your age. You will go places.

Najla - unbelievable force of nature, her youth is meaningless comparing it to her skills - amazingly focused and hard working. She has an amazing career waiting for her in a very near future!

I like Naj because she's got the biggest potential even though she can fit quite comfortable in a shot glass!

I respect Naj because if anyone annoyed me I could ask her to put their head on the body of someone doing something questionable, the power of photoshop, ey!

Naj - she has a gift in designing and helping other senior designers to do their job.

Is a little power pixie who will photoshop you a new behind if you don't keep her busy with cool shit to do. (this one has tom written all over it)

Haha! if any of the team finds this! I'm sorry! I just had to type it down somewhere just in case I lose my paper! hahahaha. <3's!

I just watched D'espairsRay's new PV(promotional video) HORIZON and I did not expect rapping. Whats up with all the jrock bands mixing heavy metal, mild visual kei and rapping together. Its a good mix but still... rapping? its a new trend I guess. While watching the guitar solo. I was intrigued by how creative Karyu is. No seriously it just sounded so good. Other solos outside of Jrock sound annoyingly similar. Why do you think I love Jrock? Most bands have a unique sound. Plus... I hate being like everyone else. Its just... gah. Another thing about the video I noticed. They focused alot on ZERO(the bassist). Not that I mind cause that man just looks unbelievably hot now a days. haha. I'm not really a big fan of D'es. Lets just say... their music doesn't attract me as much as the other bands I'm currently listening to. Maybe I just don't like their new single. haha. (just went on their myspace) RIGHT ON HIZUMI! SCREAM!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

World End Anthology bass.~

I re did it.~ yay for that.

Friday, December 5, 2008


I had so much of it.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Utter Stupidity?

Mood: >.> don't fuck with me.
Listening to: Quarter Life - lynch.

Can I say something that could be stupid?
here goes.!

Whats up with our hopes up and hopes down unrequited loves RENZ!!!?!
I can't fucking stand it no more.!
Renz! Lets jump off a cliff!
I mean u had two? I had like what... 2 slight ones... 2 MAJOR ones.
It annoys me so fucking much that I want to just make guys disappear from the world.
Then again there was this other dude... but he did things I didn't like... and he didn't make me fall in love with him more... more like the other way around.

From the mortal words of Scarlet Lamont (I'm soon to write this IF i remember)

"Pain as I generally call love. After all its unrequited manner and my failed attempts at it. I think I'll never want to look forward to another red hair, blue eyed Englishman who would make me think as though I meant something to him but it was just his way of entering my friends heart."

ah love.
Such a wonderful thing.

I'll stick to work. I'm sick of that pain called love. *kicks it in the ve*

*this is what I call my winter mood*

*sigh* I miss twin brother (meaning ren not R.O.D)

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

When motzy makes u go "OMG... *drool*"

mood: sleepy
listening to: nada snore.

Just saw Motzy's new hair do.
One word... "Gackt"


I mished motz.! I haven't spoken to him in agesss!

Early start tomorrow. I have to be sleeping.
I have work to do so early.
Half of the office is going to the beach for a charity event.
Al Ghous Corniche, Muharraq, at 9.30am.
Its open to visitors. The press will be there.
The photos I took of Sarah and Naz are in yesterdays GDN. yay~

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Alone in here.

Mood: excited.! 

I was alone in the office for about 30 minutes! WOoooHOOoo! 
Naz didn't come in today.! and this is me posting up an entry cause I'm still on my lunch break.! 

I need to pee. ! 

I should really finish unrequited.!