Friday, December 19, 2008

Ice Romancer

mood: tired out of my mind.
listening: Ice Romancer ~ Sadie

Why is Ren always right...? If you're reading this. I hate you! I know you've been waiting for this day again. Actually you're prepared for it. But if you actually just let me be and leave me to my thoughts... wait, rephrase. If you abandon me like you spoke you would I will literally end our friendship (if it hasn't ended yet) and I know you wouldn't like that now would you? you fucking cockmaster.

Well, you're not 100% right. But its getting there really slowly cause... CAUSE. I'm actually avoiding it, being careful. Staying as distant as possible. I swear if it happens again. I wouldn't know what to do at all. I'll be in immense pain. That I know, but does it always have to be the same reason? The same fucking reason. Goddamn it. Someone stab out every organ and bury it in separate places.!

Haha. lame. >.>

I honestly think that my heart is weak when it comes to this crap. Otherwise it can be hard as a rock. I'm awesome that way. ♥ NO NEED TO CRY FOR SHIZZZ!

I'm writing this hopefully hidiously long entry cause I haven't written a long one in awhile.

Recently, I've been... having some difficulty with something that only Renz knows about. I don't mind him knowing . I actually need someone there supporting me as I stand weakly, there when I fall. literally.
Honestly speaking, I would like to ask one question! Why does it seem as though history is repeating itself? Slightly the same situation. Wait... actually its very a like in some ways.
Before this the only thing that seemed to repeat was the reason. This time its as similar as the 3rd. I find it completely hilarious. I'm such a bull shit artist.
I like laughing at my own problems and my weak feelings.



I know what my weakness is.


I just realized...

I fall hard for the guys who don't seem to care about me! hahahaha. No wonder.


I think renz already knows this before I did?


Could you at least tell your best... so she won't keep wondering wtf everything is... >.>

My current advice to myself is:

Ignore it as much as you can. If you linger on the thoughts cause it feels damn good. You're going to have hell to pay for later on. If there are things you just seem to... yea. Take it as Charm that likes to play with everything else. haha. Even if fate always throws things together for you and you like what its throwing at you. Don't always believe it...


It wasn't like this before.
Gah.! okay...
*time for rhetorical questioning*
what to do. what to do.

I hate this. ( ̄_ ̄ i)

Does it have to sting? or even manage to fucking piss off my calm mood? Grr.! go screw yourself nOOb. >.>

Things being done:
Don't seem to be there and obvious. So things wont get ruined. Pulled away whenever something gets too harsh in text. I would prefer it if I stayed away a bit more in the beginning. Then again it was always there in the first place wheather I liked it or not. My 'wants' sometimes loves taking over me. I don't let it. I think of it. I go for it but stop knowing its the worst thing to do.
Letting go and walking away. Always seemed to be done between or after a certain need takes place. haha.

and who ever is reading this. Probably has no idea what I'm talking about cept wenwen of course.

Im freezing cold. I don't get why I even took off my socks. *brainless at the moment*

I've been playing the bass non stop recently. I seem to take it more seriously than I used to.
I've been learning new and hard crap. Which I found incredibly easy 20 minutes later. Like everyone says. Practice makes perfect.

8degrees in Osaka. >.>

16 here. wtf. Too cold.

I'm going to be snuggling in my blankie tonight!

as bored as I seemed to be. I started checking if unrequited showed up on google. But some other crap came up like... unrequited love and how to deal with it and all that hullaballu.
Completely useless I should say.

Unrequited situations just piss me off so much.

that reminds me. I should finish Chapter Five already. haha

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