Monday, March 31, 2008


mood: sleepy
listening to: lost my blood - leviathan

Im sleepy.

Unrequited will of course be updated soon enough.


mood: Okay
listening to: yuushi Kokyuu by as.milk

I have a flickr now. I want upload shit that I can't on DA cause of well... People won't like it. So I upload it on Flickr instead.

I miss doing Jrock weekly spammage

woke up

mood: Slightly sleepy
listening to: PHYSALIS - akihabara shounenden Dennou Romeo

Woke up late cause we slept late again. Me and Nikki we're talking about our experiences and family fights. While Nada slept.

Umm... Weldons flight to Canada is at 2:00pm. I'm not as sad as Nikki. She didn't hugged the guy goodbye. They had a fight and they're sorta okay now. But she didn't get to see him off properly so shes pretty crushed.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Card day

mood: hyper
listening to: Nada breathing. lol

Lol... we got up a little late cause we couldn't sleep last night. We changed straight away and accompanied my mom to the school to get Nada and Nasers Report Card. Nikkis mom was there so we brought her along. We took crazy vids of us being jrockers. Its completely stupid and pathetic but we did it anyways.

We we're walking around the whole school. While mom enrolled.

I saw Jerome and Michael in the process. I was drooling all over Jerome. *cries* I can't have him. Hes Maes BF. *sigh* and Michael who is completely adorable too bad hes courting Maha. They don't even know me. Jerome has great hair. *faints* Oh whatever... I'll never have them. *dies*

Anyways VIDEOS!!

lalalalalala..... Nada has the rest of the videos....

I'lll post up more later on.

Pics of us in the bathroom. We have a picture with Nikki too... Nada was doing something tooo embarrassing to be posted.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Seef (28-3-2008) [2]

mood: Accomplished
listening to: adore - lynch. (PV rip)

I saw my old classmate from New Indian School in Jashamal. When I saw him I was like. BANG! Ahmed?!?! LOL. He did not remember me until I refreshed his memory. I think I freaked him out abit. Lol. Poor Guy. He gave me a flower when we were little.

Renz(red shirt) and Jimber are fun. o(^_^)o Jimber called me Sexy. Lol that was fucking hilarious. I laughed my ass off.

I wore my graduation blouse. I did not look like a fucking rocker.... I looked cute. >_> thats what every says.

Krazy Kevin was at seef.

Seef (28-3-2008)

mood: okay
listening to: BBC food

Yesterday was fun. I enjoyed it even when we were just walking about. While going into Marks and Spencer we saw these really cute Japanese guys. One actually noticed me. o_o I mean me. Then He looked at Nikki too... and we were totally drooling over him. We thought they left but they just went to get another guy. Who was just incredibly hot. He had his hair up in a pig tail. My God. they we're wearing shorts and a random t-shirt and we instantly thought them hot. God. We saw them again while sitting at starbucks. Me and Nikki were giggling like fan girls and planning to stalk them. And we did. We saw them 4 times before they left. ;_; Sucks.

Walked around some more. Met up with Yasys friend. Then sat down at the foodcourt. Waited for Renz and Jimber. It was fun... Jimber ate half of all our food. Lol love the dude. He lives really close to us. We can just walk to his house. So we walked around... We broke in groups. Me and Renz. Jimber, Mike and Nikki. Sawsy & Nada. Yasy and her friend. Renz was fun to talk to. He Talks so fucking much and he calls me talkative. There were no awkward moments with him.

We asked for Job openings at Jashamals. We have to apply at the office at A'ali on Sundays.
I'll go with Nasreen and Nikki for a summer job or just a internship and crap.

I'll post up the pics later. I'm in the sala and I'm too lazy to back to my room to get my cam.

Friday, March 28, 2008

( ; _ ; )

mood: insecure

listening to: Nikki talking about Gackt.

-details of the actual events come tomorrow. I want to vent-

Went to Seef and realized that I won't... sorry I will never have a boyfriend. EVER. I only had a chance with Kobby but Its not fair to Kobby cause I don't love him back. I am completely, completely hideous. I don't feel good about myself. Nothings coming to me and I just choose to live on like I don't that. I might aswell die. But no... I don't have fucking guts to end my life. I want to cry. I'm completely pathetic. I'm never going to cry. I have no life don't you dare tell me to get one.

I can't wait to die.

I need Edward (; _ ;)

I wish edward was real.

God hates me (._.)

Thursday, March 27, 2008


mood: ._.
listening to: My dad talking to my mom.

Its almost 8 am.

And Im just here. Being disappointed cause my artwork sucks nowadays. I just dunno what I'm going to do. ._.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Japan loses

Mood: Disappointed

Nada cried. Nikki like me is very disappointed. I can't believe they lost and to Bahrain. Its just not fair.

we thought they shot a goal at one point but it was off.





Japan Football Team in Bahrain!

Mood: OMG!!!
Listening to: the jordan vs turkmenistan game

OMG! Nasreen told me that Japans soccer team is here in Bahrain. I started jumping up and down! I WAS LIKE OMG!!!! Keita Suzuki. Here in BAHRAIN! Endo.... Nakamura.... Nakazawa and Hanyu!! and many more. are here. they arrived 2 days ago. OMG! I wish I could watch the game. I want their autographs and crap. GAH!!!! The game is at Riffa National Stadium. X_X It starts at 5:20. Same on Tv. I can't wait to watch it. *jumps up and down* Man... Why didn't I know that Japans football team is here. >_> I'll be documenting every minute. ._. WOHOO!!!!!!!!


Goalkeepers: Yoshikatsu Kawaguchi (Jubilo Iwata), Seigo Narazaki (Nagoya Grampus Eight), Eiji Kawashima (Kawasaki Frontale)

Defenders: Yuji Nakazawa (Yokohama Marinos), Yuichi Komano (Iwata), Hiroki Mizumoto (Osaka), Michihiro Yasuda (Osaka), Atsuto Uchida (Kashima)

Midfielders: Junichi Inamoto (Eintracht Frankfurt/GER), Naotake Hanyu (FC Tokyo), Yasuhito Endo (Osaka), Kengo Nakamura (Kawasaki), Keita Suzuki (Urawa), Yuki Abe (Urawa), Koji Yamase (Yokohama), Yasuyuki Konno (Tokyo), Satoru Yamagishi (Kawasaki)

Forwards: Naohiro Takahara (Urawa), Keiji Tamada (Nagoya), Seiichiro Maki (JEF United Chiba), Yuzo Tashiro (Kashima)

I hope Kawaguchi is the goalkeeper this time. He is just awesome.


mood: random
listening to: naser being weird

Anyways, I've been up since 7am. Randomly. and now i'm in my room on my laptop and watching nada and nikki getting ready for the 4th years farewell party.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


In the mood to tell a story.
Listening to: Raze - Licker

I've been wanting to say something about him for awhile.

4 years ago. I had a dream about this tall handsome guy with his black eyes, raven hair and long nose like an Italian. His face is now vague to me. He was my best friend and lover in this dream. He was the only one who would actually be able to convince me to let go. Maybe cause he was the one I wanted with his arms around me while I cried. When I woke up from this dream. I wanted to cry. I wanted him to be real. The next night. I longed for his touch that felt so real. So genuine. I never dreamed about him again. But in these four years. He came back to me as an imaginary friend. He was there when I was hurting every night. He held me. At rare times I could actually feel him. But most of the time it was the cold air that encircled me. I would tell him everything and he talked back. I knew it was just me talking to myself but at least there was someone who cared when there was no one beside me to care. He would caress my cheek and tell me that 'its okay to cry' but I never listened. He would say after many times 'I know, you won't cry but it'll hurt more each time you feel that excruciating pain piercing your heart'. I would reply 'I won't. You're not real. I won't cry until there was someone with me. I will never admit it. But I need to be held when I cry. I wish you we're real' 'I know, I wish I was too'. He would sometimes come and ask me 'you've been overlooked again haven't you?'. I created this being obviously cause of my increasing loneliness back then and now. There are always people that cared around me. But they're never there right beside me when I needed them. NEVER. Thus, Edward was made. I was 12 back then. He was there every night for 2 years until I turned 14 and He disappeared cause I didn't need him anymore. But he returned rarely only when I felt my chest grasping my heart. Now, all my feelings are poured gracefully on stories and comics I make. Something that will stay away from my childish creation that I need desperately.

*pouts* Oh Edward. If only you were real. *sigh* I'll just make my characters have you instead of the other way around. Love you always. Thanks for listening all those years. Thanks for holding me even when you were just the cold air. ^_^

I had another imaginary friend when I was 10 he was a monkey. Hehe He was funny.
Man.... I'm fucked up. Anyways, I blame my phobia.

^^ thanks for reading.


mood: guilty
listening to: Raze - Licker

I have bad luck in relationships.
The first was unrequited
The second loved me so much. But I didn't return anything.

I'm such a bitch. Kill me before I do something bad.



mood: moody
listening to: a word never say - 費5星

I was randomly searching for new jdramas to watch and I found something with Toru from One ok rock in it. So I watched the whole Drama. all 12 episodes. Toru is exceedingly hot in this drama. He is a gang leader with the trench coat and shit. I mean woah. Hes a good actor too... He was alittle crazy in the drama. But I still love him. always! Can't wait for something new from O2R

wuthering heights

mood: contempt
listening to: the tv

I'm watching wuthering heights. and bits of the book is coming back to me. I still hate the book.

I had a series of dreams that I don't remember one bit.

Monday, March 24, 2008


  • in my roooooomm!!


mood: random
listening to: tv

I'm in moms room watching Lobo.

Wohoo! Ang ganda ni Angel Locsin


mood: okay
listening to: ben 10 on TV

I installed sims 2 and now nada wants to play on my yoshi so much. >_>
gah... Naser is annoying me all day yesterday asking if he could go on my old pc. I mean dude. No. all my files are in there if you delete one you're fucked. ._.

Sunday, March 23, 2008


mood: sleepy
listening to: nothing

I'm sleepy!!!! its 8:30 and I'm sleepy!

I miss O2Rs music. I want to listen but I dont have their music on Yoshi. >_>

too many thing

s to do.


Yoshihiko [Notebook]

Mood: HAPPY and very busy
Listening to: Dirty faith - Nega

I got a laptop!! I got a laptop! I'm so Happeh! -boogie-

GAH! now I have to install everything in here again. and all my music...
>_> and Sims!!! woho!!!

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Gram Maria

Mood: Disappointed
listening to: first banging mania - terror squad

First, I heard they we're disbanding on tainted world. Everywhere else says that they're going on a very long activity pause. THANK GOD. They're going reform after awhile. Till then they'll be doing other projects.
the first time I heard they're were disbanded I freaked! I was like NONONOJNNON ONONOONONOo...


mood: woah
listening to: pussy whipped - 54-71

i downloaded an album that is like 8 years old. ._. I didn't know it was that old then I wouldn't have downloaded it. It has great metal songs but I dont think any of the bands are still together. Its sad really.


mood: relieved
listening to: 少女と雨 - 蜂-Biene-

I know why I was so overly exaggerating every bad feeling I have now. lol God... sometimes it sucks being a girl. I thought I was going trough that stupid depression stage again. Thank god! i'm not. But what sucks is that I'm 1 week early. Gah. >_>

Friday, March 21, 2008


mood: disappointed
listening to: 5th Luna -A.S.D.R.

They ran out of tickets so We're not going except nasreen though. She went early to buy her ticket. She has my 10BD. I hope she doesn't use it . Knowing her she doesn't care if she uses MY money.

Thursday, March 20, 2008


It sometimes sucks when your talking to 2 people who hate each other.


mood: Not Okay.
listening to: a -retake ver.- - SIX-R

I'm going tomorrow with yasy and Nas with some of her friends.



mood: angsty
listening to: My Dear... - Dear Bitch

Okay... I really really want to watch this korean play that is held at the arad fort called Jump. But I can't I mean... Its tomorrow and the tickets are probably 18BD or some shit. Gah...

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

1017 jrock songs

mood: ._.
listening to: monolith

i have 1017 jrock songs.


mood: -
listening to:-

Baba said that I can download all I want. He is going to change from batelco to speednet. for unlimited downloads.

I called nasreen with my phone a few minutes ago. I just wanted to ask if I could pause some of her downloads. Then, she started talking about how broke she and her roommates are and how she wants to see mama du before she dies. then she cried. And I finished all my load. I called her back. I tried easing her. She really has no idea what to do if she loses her job. Which is very soon she thinks.

what i'm really puzzled about is that I can easily be hurt but I haven't felt like I wanted to cry. there is pain but no tears. What is happening to me?.... Gah....


Mood: Nothing
Listening to: Boukyaku celluloid - 摩天楼オペラ

Okay.... Best drummer award of the Music Fest goes toooo MICHAEL!

you can hear me and Nikki laughing in the background.


mood: ._.
listening to:July VIth - vistlip

We went to seef yesterday with Nikki and Michelle. We checked out Euphoria, then bought load for Nikki. we waited for Michelle. Then watched 27 dresses *great movie*. During the movie Nasreen called to tell me to buy her load and check if Euphoria has a WoW game card. I had to go back there twice. ._.. We went to Jashamal and I bought Anita Shreves 'Wedding in December'. While, Nada bought another cooking book. We ate Mcdonalds. lol While eating we did what girls do... check out guys. Lol. We saw Jarheads one of which looked like JR. Then there was one guy who looked like The dude who played Donny Darko. He noticed me and I was... he noticed me. o_o lol So we continued talking randomly amongst ourselves when the dude came back and sat right behind me. o_o woah. Lol I didn't expect that I mean Seef was empty yesterday. There was no one in the theaters. I thought he would sit else where. But nooo.... anyways. Michelle left and I sat next to Nikki cause it was kinda weird having a guy staring at you from behind. I started reading my book and Nada and Nikki left me alone. Nothing Happened. anyways he left and we went to Magic Island and played this drumming arcade. We had 3 dinars left when we left Seef. Come on... We're not going out of the country anymore I have the right to spend money on books and crap. v_v


mood: *i dont know how i feel*
listening to: 咎人の空(mental sketch modified) *Toganin no sora(mental sketch modified)* by Sugar

Its official we're not going anymore.
Once again. I will not experience something all my siblings will. big fucking deal.
Now, Father says he'll buy me a laptop instead. But I want to go to China aswell and they want us to choose. I mean... One laptop which will belong to me only. or a trip to China for everyone. I think the trip to china is better. Besides I need new shoes. and I DO NOT want to shop here. I blame my parents. When we were younger they would always make us wait till we go out of the country to buy new clothes. Now, that we're older we expect to buy clothes out of the country instead of this crappy piece of shit country. Its so small here that you can be caught wearing the same anything.

Fuck you.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008


mood: pissed.
listening to: lost my blood - leviathan

okay... we might not go cause its like 200 something BD for a flight to Dubai each and it fucking pisses me off... You get me alll excited to go to the phil. for no fucking reason. what makes it worse is that ppl kept on talking to me and asking me questions. Gah.....


mood: Okay
Listening to: July VIIth - vistlip (new jrock band)

I'm ripping my Blossom DVD. So I have a back up in case someone brakes my CD. *looks around paranoidly*
I'll probably share it to sugar lovers on LJ. wohoo.

we're going to seef later to hang out with Weldon and other people. ._.
7 days left.

Papa is going to buy us the ticket from bahrain to Dubai today. We spent a little tooomuch money on the fucking tickets nearly 2000 BD. I mean.... WTF. Is my graduation that important. >->
I hope its worth it. Okay, Okay... I prepared my Thank you speech. and Am I supposed include Jesus Christ.. cause my homeschool is a really religious Christian school. Maybe I should just thank God.

Monday, March 17, 2008


mood: depressedish
listening to: 凍え揺れる炎 - Sugar

well, too many people vented on me today. there was a friend on yahoo and 2 on msn. I mean... okay. When do I get to vent? Like I'm that important.. blah

anyways!! PICTUREs!!

Kevins other band

kevin.. lol

Nada and Nikki

Rom came into the picture. But I took it with nadas cam. Rom is tall!!

Music Fest

Mood: Lazy & Tired
Listening to: 咎人の空(mental sketch modified) - Sugar

First off, I got my CD today!! WOHOOO!!!
I watched Blossom PV! and it was AWeSOMe! Shingo is amazing.

Since Nikki slept over, we woke up at 5am and got ready. Papa was to arrive at the airport at 6:30am and it took awhile to straighten my hair. ... I wore this.
Everyone was pretty much staring at my jeans and the fact that I'm with Nikki and Nada. They think I'm not related to Nada.
The bands that really reallly rocked would've been XOXO and so much for love.

So much for love is fucking AWESOME! Kevin the vocalist is completely awesome! He has a great screamo voice and a good voice in general.

I only managed to get this video of them.
Sam, Yohan (i think its spelled that way) John and Kevin.
I took tooo much of XOXO.

They were goood.... SO FUCKING GOOD! I was the only girl who actually was headbanging so guys were staring at me. o_o a couple of my crushes were there. and it sad to say that one didn't notice me and the other has a gf. v_v. IT WAS SOO FUCKKING AWESOME!!! *_______*

I mean woah.
XOXO was a good screamo band too...

Look at the guy drummer of a girl band. Michael and his adorable drumming skills. He has PASSION, I wasn't really listening to the song but I was listening to his drumming and laughing at how hard he is hit the drums. me, nada, and Nikki were like o_________o. LOL

This is me in nasreens room.
8 days till departure.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

colored hair

I forgot to mention that I colored my hair again on my own and now its redish purple.

I was checking out alice nine.s new photoshoot pictures and

Hiroto is tempting me with his... hisss....

damn you.

Saga was gorgeous with his eye make up.

SWEETEST by Sugar [first full album]

listening to: 螺旋- Gram8Maria

I cant fucking believe JJ bought me SWEETEST!! Sugars first album! Man! JJ is the greatest right now!!


Mood: pissed...
listening to: Lost my blood - leviathan.

No its not nikki who pisses me off...

anyways i should spam more before I dont get internet time. o_o

9 days

mood: .-.
listening to: Blossom - Sugar

9 days to go.

anyways... went outside to buy some load and then played badminton with Nikki and Nada. then I came up to go online.

Nikki sleeps over.

mood: kinda pissed
listening to: Blossom - Sugar

Nikki is sleeping over cause shes all alone at her house. Its fun having her around.

I'm kinda annoyed. hehe

anyways... we're going to the Music Fest tomorrow morning at 7:30am. I hope kevin and his band performs! They're AEWESOMZdfasklflaskgas ghapi!!!

Saturday, March 15, 2008

10 days

mood: excited
listening to: Oath - Licker

Guess what readers. we're leaving in 10 days! and I won't be able to go online all the fucking time. Maybe if Apple lets me that is. Hehe. She'll only have Yahoo!. Which sucks for some. lol
Oh and if you call me from here while i'm there you'll be eating my load. LoL

I bought something today. It isn't really a dress. Its a skirt and a blouse and the shoes with it is sooo fucking cute.

When I was looking at myself with that outfit. I was in shock... cause I looked soo vunerable. I could be called Fanny Price or Anne Elliot. o-o If you know who they are then maybe you'll get what I mean.

I finished 37 books! Wohoo....! I finished it so I wouldn't bring a book in the plane... Or with me in general. Me and Nada are trying to lighten our load... when we're in the Philippines we go CRAZY with Books and Cd's and loads loads of clothes.

I can't wait to shop. thats if we have monez.

Friday, March 14, 2008

I'm being pathetic.

I apologize for the spammage
Its a official. I think I'm the worst kind of coward there is.

OOooOOOoOO! My muse has struck.

my lastest manip will be called 'Defeat'
there should be a machine to suck out emotion. Lol and a machine to teleport information from one brain to another
god I have issues...

no matter how much you hate a person? would you be so heartless is to just turn your back?

there are shit loads of kinds of ppl in the world. Some just deserves to be thrown off a cliff.

OMG! I forgot to post up unrequited.

I need a hug. I love you bloggy! *hugs monitor* ROFL.
dammit I missed dead like me.

*goes and looks for inspiration*

god... I need a friend.

what ever happened to edward. He just disappeared from my thoughts. x_x I guess I was to busy to acknowledge a make believe character.

God... I need work... I need wooork....

I can't wait to drown myself in work again.... workk sounds sooo good right now. I can't wait for college paces. they're hard as fuck.

10 hours of work. I can't wait to meet you.


I'm calm!!! I really am calm!! Its a miracle I took 10 minutes to regain composure.

Its a new record....

Usually I had to hurt myself...

but i'm so happy i didn't

*jumps up and down mentally*

I need a therapist.

better yet...

I need a drink.


rephrase I wish I knew arabic.


I want to learn arabic.

slang at least.

everyday words....

lost my blood

*sings along*


- i love leviathan

( ^A^ ) つ

I'm not bored.

I have artists block.

I can't manipulate for shit.

I should try now.


I like yaoi.....

Lol random...

I hate homophobs.

They piss me off...


I want candy

wait I want lollipops!



I just know why i'm such a wreck now.

Tooo many emotions....

Disappointment, fear, sadness, guilt, hate, oh yes hate, depression, insecurity, stupidity, etc.

I'm just Overwhelmed.

I wonder who really care.
I wish God talks.


Is there any way that you can make yourself feel better?

OOoooOoOO I know.

*gets up from chair*

SCISSORS! woohooo!!!! *cuts hair*


I started biting my finger nails again.

*hits hand* stop it.


I wonder how birds feel when they fly.

they're probably used to it.

oh look birdie.... *points out the window*

ranting out on my blog does not help.



Being a bird does not sound bad right now.


I have anger management problems.

I blame Nasreen and School. and other people aswell.


>-> There must be a way.

some way.

Nervous Wreck

mood: -_-
listening to: Lost my blood - leviathan

Okay, Okay, Okay.

I don't really want to go to my graduation. BIG FUCKKING DEAL! but I have to. I don't like giving a speech in front of people I don't fucking know. I'm not socially advanced. nor am I out in society. I just want someone to bury me deep into the fucking ground.

My grammar sucks...
I'm fucking boring
and all I talk about is music cause I have no life.
and I'm sure yasy, nasreen, sawsy (possibly), nikki and other people agree on that.

God... someone seriously bury me.

seef |canceled|

Mood: Guilty
Listening to: Lost my blood - Leviathan

canceled cause poor sawsy has a fever. Get well soon sawsy.

Noor is all alone at seef and I can't go with her cause mom wont let. Be I feel bad cause she might think that I planned this to ditch her or some shit like that. I don't know why I care what other people think of me. I'm just fucked up that way. when people say that they stop caring its like don't care about anything else and it pisses me off. Either way. Even if I hate someone I still care.

Don't tell me how I should think and shit.

I dont vent out on anyone cause they talk back. Lol. Everyone always have to add their side of the story. Gah... When I'm venting I want it be all bout me. God. Now, I know why i'm called selfcentered.

Who the fuck cares anyways.


mood: waiting
listening to: drink it down - laruku

We're going to seef today. Big deal right?

on monday me and nada are going to the music feast.
Nikki said she wished kevin(hardcore screamo vocalist of one band) would ask me out. Lol. I dont remember how he looks like. ( *_* ) But I hope kenneth(a stalker of mine) will be there. Lol. But I think he likes Nikki. lol. and I'm just that girl he admires from afar. hehe. He is cute more like adorable. lol

Thursday, March 13, 2008


mood: having a late reaction face
listening to: Haikei, ..... - 176BIZ

You have no idea how saddening it is to know that one of your recently fav bands are disbanding. I just had a late reaction I've known about this for 3 days and only now I want to cry. *sigh*

Yes, the band hurts is disbanding


mood: headbanging
listening to: assasion of death by vassline



mood: busy
listening to: lost my blood - leviathan

I have to give a 1 minute speech after i get my diploma. *cries*
I'm going to go to the salon later.

mama du

mood: in denial
listening to: drink it down - l'arc~en~ciel PV

Mom, told me yesterday that there is no chance what so ever for her to live. Shes dieing and its horrible. there are tears in my eyes but no ache in my heart. I find it easy to suppress what I feel for a good reason I dont know of.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

25th march

Mood: Steady
Listening to: haikei, shinai naru anata he - 176BIZ

We finally got a booking for tickets to Philippines. It turns out that we'll have to stop by Dubai and Singapore before reaching Manila. God! i'm starting to get nervous. I have to wear a dress. and and and go up a stage. did I mention that I have stage fright. Gah...
At least I get to go shopping for shoes and clothes oh and LOADS of books and CDS! watch out OPM (original philippine music) Rockers Naj is storming the cd stores and buying anything that suits her genre. *expect shit loads of presents sawsy* *and clothes for you yasy* EEEEEEEHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAa.

Mirror Ball PV

listening to: 相思華 - kalvary

OMG! alice nine.s lastest PV is out!!


Saga is soo fucking hot. Splash the water! lol Poor nao! he didn't get to splash water in the PV. Its soo nice seeing Tora in videos again! *hearts him to death* and Hiroto does the Solo in this PV. Shou gets to swirl in the water dude!

Random fact:
Shou is learning how to play the guitar. I'm guessing its because he has this feeling that Nao will take his place as vocalist after Nao sang for something I can't remember what. Saga was playing the guitar. Why is it when you know how to play one rock instrument you have to learn 2 others more. *sigh* the more you know the better the chances.

woke up EARLY

mood: sleepy
listening to: 瑠璃色で描く虹 - 摩天楼オペラ(matenrou Opera)

Mamsy dearest woke me up at 5:15 this morning so I could go with her to drop up the siblings. It was fun walking nasser up. hehe.

I'm reading The last time they met and I just realized that its a sequel to 'weight of water' *_*

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Jrock weekly Rant again.

mood: waiting
listening to: throw away hope - black:List

I'm waiting for some songs to finish uploading on Mediafire. damn. I say.

(the girl would be the one so close to the cam)
Bass&Vocal: Cra
Guitar: MASA
Guitar: Makoto
Drums: yato

I can't believe shes a girl. I mean she does not look like a girl. *rolls on floor randomly*
I love her voice. Her voice is so manly in a good way. Shes a Bassist too. Go girl Bassists!

Necro Circus (DISBANDED)

These girls are kool! Too bad they disbanded. Wori wori and az are now in Layla. I haven't found anything from Layla. Gah... But I did find something by Necro Circus. and Az has a great voice aswell.

These guys are hot. I'm still downloading their music. so I'll get back to you on what I think of them.

I've posted about them before. I know. Lol
I just had the chance to listen to their music and they're indie. lol sorta. I haven't really paid attention. I'm so caught up in my on contemplation that is thin air.

Ikuta Toma.

Hes an actor. He was in Hana Kimi (Japan) and he is soo CUTE there! Its sad that he didn't get the girl. Poor Nakatsu! He looks like Hyde in this pic. I currently have a crush on him. who wouldn't. hehe.

Hyde. He may be 37 years of age. but the man is fucking sexy. Even Nasreen says so. and Nasreen is one of those older sisters who dislikes everything the younger sister likes. So I was shocked. Hes Married though. Hes the only Jrocker I know who is married. Even gackt isn't married and hes 34. Gackt gets married maybe crazy fangirls will try to murder her like miyavis fangirls. I feel sorry for Miyavi. He can't date anyone without his fangirls hurting them. ._.

hyde is color blind. *sadness* but hes still awesome!


mood: >_>
listening to: afterlife - avenged sevenfold

I've been working on it. I think I'll edit it several times before I actual post it. But I will soon enough. Its getting long. and I've been taking notes on how they're supposed to talk. Since, my story revolves around the victorian age.

Star Wars Dream?!

Mood: WTF!
Listening to: Oath - Licker

I had this really KOOooLL stars dream. Nada, Mom, Naser, Willamena Slyter(from ugly betty), Mark (from ugly betty), Nasreen and Papa was there. First Me, Nada, mom and naser broke in a headquarters with guns and shit. and we were shooting everyone we saw. Then Willamena Slyter(from ugly betty), Mark (from ugly betty), Nasreen and Papa came and started fighting everyone too... We had blaster guns and we were killing the rebels!! YEYEYEYEYHHHHHAA!!

1,023 MSG!??!?!

mood: WTF!!!
listening to: Sky - Licker

CHECK THAT OUT! Overnight someone faved almost my whole gallery. ^_^ I don't really mind. But thats alot of msgs I have to go through. I must thank people for the favs now.

36 books

mood: -_-?! WTF!
listening to: Sky - licker

I finished my 36th book today. It was quite a shocker really. I didn't expect to finish it today. >_>

Monday, March 10, 2008


mood: woohooo
listening to: Oath - Licker

i have 978 jrock songs. >_> WOHOOO!!!!!!!! i'm close to 1000!!!


Father is leaving for China.


mood: sleepy
listening to: Sky by Licker *the vocalist is the bassist and shes a GIRL!!!!* OMG! Its me over again. >_>

Its been years since I couldn't sleep like this. My mind was completely blank. I couldn't sleep for no focusing reason. I listened to some music while staring straight at the ceiling. I was COMPLETELY BLANK. I tried sleeping for an hour and nothing happened. When I just fell asleep and I kept waking up every 2 minutes. I kept on having a different dream about me being a Cabin attendant(stewardess) each time I woke up. I thinks its cause I watched too much Attention Please. >_> I woke up for the 7th time that hour and finally got up to drink water. when I hit the pillow I again. I was gone. lol

Sunday, March 9, 2008


mood: disappointed
listening to: Tsumiki - Maverick

We can't find booking for the tickets dammit.

If we can't then I won't go to the graduation.

Mom says that we might go to China instead. I WANT TO GO TO CHINA!

march 9 2008

mood: Okie Dokie
listening to: tsumiki - maverick <3

Look what I wrote while in the car waiting at the embassy for my mom.

My life revolves around the spiral sounds of music. My closest friends have their life averted from such things, They have life. They have gone places socially while I and others have only drowned deeper in the swirls of music. Music is our love. thus, I am called dull by my socialite friends. If I have them still.

Forgive me for my dullness. I don't heed your urge to be away from us. from me.

Freedom whether physically or spiritually always comes with consequences.

It's a waste there is no one to bestow upon my self-schooled talents I gained during the years of unemployment.

Sometimes I am grateful for this life. If I was put otherwise I wouldn't have the talents I have now. But there are times when I am surrounded by envy, fear and depression. I wish it other wise.
But now I wouldn't give away my talents just for a life mostly everyone has.

I was bored... lol

Saturday, March 8, 2008


mood: shocked

my photography folder is gone. (;_;)


mood: ecstatic
listening to: Kou - Maverick

Exist trace is the shit. all girl band yo!

the skulls fuck revolvers

*rolls on floor* I love JRock. Theres a band called the skull fuck revolvers! God! how kool is that!?


mood: accomplished
listening to: zetsubou - MUCC

Since the internet was down the whole morning. I finished alex, I made 2 textures and I wrote down my whole jrock library. cause I'm so lame. WOOHOO!

Friday, March 7, 2008

2 parts?

mood: tired
listening to: remu - heidi. <3

I had to split the 12012 playing twister in 2 parts. >_> Thats sooo much work. >_>


mood: busy
listening to: endclip - red


I think I'm going to spend my time in photoshop when I'm done uploading everywhere. I'm such an internet whore. you can find me everywhere.

How long?

mood: hippy
listening to: endclip (berry ver.) - Red *love this song*

How long will the month feel like? last month felt like 2 weeks. lol
Maybe its the same with this month. I hope so. I'm excited to go in an airplane! woohooo...!

I'm uploading in mediafire and youtube.
I ripped the DVD that came with the magazine. I was laughing my ass off when I was watching. Tooru is soo yummy. I love his laugh. It made my day.

I should download more 12012. yeah I should. But not today.

(。w 。)つ

mood: fucked up in the head
listening to: endclip(berry ver.) - red *awesome song*

1. I'm not shallow
2. I don't want experience
3. I don't like being pressured
4. I don't believe that first boyfriends last *if you think it does then you'll end up hurt*
5. I'm not inlove with anyone
6. I'm terrified ending up like Nasreen. (she got engaged at the age of 16)
7. thus, do not say that you'll want me so forever.
8. If I'm put in that situation I will close the relationship.
9. I can't bare the fact of shit like that.
10. I'm traumatized okay. I blame Nasreen.

Therefore, I don't want to think about shit like that. It scares me when I'm at this age. Do NOT mention anything like that if you want to date me... if you want to date me. date me. just dont mention anything like that until our relationship lasts 5 years or something. GAH.... so frustrating.

HI YASY!! *glomps you into oblivion*
(I dont think you read my blogs anymore) hehe.

J.J didn't reply to my email. about the cd. The cd will be sold out if he doesn't hurry dammit.
I should be grateful though. I have a great generous brother-in-law even though Nasreen doesn't acknowledge him. We're the only family his got.

Baba said that we're going to Philippines. I'm happy about that. But no date was set. I hope soon. I want to see Mama du. shes in the hospital right now. She can't eat anything cause she'll vomit it all out. Apple *my 12 year old cousin* heard the adults talking and she said that they don't believe she'll last long. THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS. DONT FUCKING SAY THAT. SHE'LL LIVE DAMMIT. I think I'm in denial or something I haven't really thought of her that much. I dunno... I've lived all my life knowing she'll be right there. always. I don't know what I'll do without her. She raised me dammit.

I'm having a really really hard time here.

I'm glad Jrock is with me all the way ne?

It makes me feel better! *smiles and hugs monitor*

Thursday, March 6, 2008


mood: *crying on the inside*
listening to: 裏返しの善意と一欠片の愛 - RED

I'm currently bending my new pages of my new magazine to scan it and crap. *cries* NOOoOoOOOO! well, I care only 50%. I'm scanning it for Jscans and Jforum. Someone is lazy to scan the whole thing. Sheesh....

I'm currently downloading crimson tear by sadie. I can't wait to hear how they sound like.
Yesterday I watched 3 episodes of Attention Please. Its a kool Jdrama.

My fucking school didn't email my mom back. they're probably too busy preparing for the graduation.

OMG! Crimson tear just finished downloading!!! *_*

I'm sad you know... cause theres no one to talk about Jrock with in person. Nada, sometimes doesn't care unless its alice nine. or sadie. or one ok rock. or other bands shes obsessed with.
Umm... oh well... Once a lonely person always a lonely person.
I wonder if I can get Renz to like Jrock if we ever see each other again.

Okay.... Me and Nada was watching mtv pulse when this german band *they sang in english and i only found out that they were german when I googled them* called cinema bizarre looked soo fucking jrock. The bassist looked like Reita... his name is Kiro. He is soo hot... the vocalist kinda reminds me of Bill Kaulitz. They're influenced by jrock. its pretty kool. I want to buy their cd now.

I'm probably the most trivial person ever. You can easily pick me out of the picture and no one will notice I'm gone.

I wonder if I can publish my novel anytime. I need to find a publisher. Maybe writing can be my occupation since I'm soo fucking not independent and I'm not exposed to the outside world.

Omfg.... v_v
I'm listening to Jpop... Arashi just came on my itunes... why did I download it again?

Last night I was thinking about Nasreen and how trapped she is cause she got married so young and ended up falling out of love for jj. Now, they can't get a divorce cause they got married in the philippines. Divorce doesn't exist in the Philippines.

I'm scared to make the same mistake. I can't imagine feeling trapped... feeling soo caged... If I ever make the same mistake my parents will probably disown me. I promised I wouldn't.... God. Now, I think I'll never get married. >_> who the fuck will be crazy enough to marry a girl who is not even existing on the surface of the earth.

I wonder whats it like to actually go out with people you've just met on your own. Not people I met through family. I wonder if i'll ever do something crazy.*sigh* I think I already did. I screamed at the fucking assholes who hit my head with a ball on purpose. That was pretty crazy. I had no idea I had so much caged anger. I swear I think I'll kill someone the next time they get me really angry. Advice from the writer to the reader. Never suppress your anger. Thats one piece of advice i'll never listen to. If I'm angry I take it out on myself. I wonder why? I'll let you know the next time Yasy teams up with Nasreen. *thats usually when I get seriously fucked in the head* Bestfriend and your old fav sister can be your worst enemy sometimes. especially when they're both in a very bad mood. Sure you can take it out on me. But don't do it all the time. Its bad enough my mom and my father does the same thing. *they're sooo LOUD when they vent on me* I wonder who'll listen to me. *thinks to self* I don't really need listening. do I?
Oh Whatever... Its not like anything interesting happens to me. I'm boring (*w*)つ

Note: Crimson tear is AWESOME!! so is heartless *headbangs*

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

SWEETEST by sugar

mood: even more disappointed


and JJ just emailed me asking if I wanted an mp3 touch screen or something else. I dunno what to pick. I've had jrock cds in mind for when he first asked me what I wanted for graduation. damnit.


mood: disappointed
listening to: eye's by Roses.

On the way to the bank mom told me that my dad haven't showed any signs of actually booking tickets for us to go to the Philippines. We're broke. No money. Nothing. Everything is going to the companies my dad owes.

I'm fucking disappointed. This is the first time I'm actually graduating. I want to do something everyone does when they go to school for fuckssake. I missed out on so many fucking things in my life. I missed out on actual school activities, friends, 8 hours away from the parents, exposure to the outside world. I've missed out alot. ALOT. I'm not enjoying my life at all. I want to get my awards for fuckssake! I want to be someone.

I have no path in front of me and I give up trying to make one. who am I kidding theres nothing for me here. After school... what will happen? After school... then what? I know I'm not going anywhere. I'll just be home waiting to die.

I stuffed my face with my book to help me through this. I'll keep myself busy. Keep myself away from myself. I might start cutting again and I seriously don't want that.

*goes and listens to jrock to feel better*

wohoooo!!! JROCK!!!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008


mood: *KAWAII*
listening to: berry by RED (they disbanded) (;_;)

I feel bad stealing this photo from Tomoyas blog entry. but I couldn't help myself hes just sooo CUTE!! When I saw it I said "KAWAII" in the weirdest accent. >_>

When I saw this I said "baka yaro!" I have no idea why though. probably cause the van looks like its backing up and hes right behind it. lol

I'm sorry Tomoya! I couldn't help myself. Youre just oh soo cute for a 21 year old.

clean room

mood: blank
listening to: Garcia - MoNoLith

After I went with mom to drop off nasreen and to the bank. We came home. I took a shower than cleaned my shelves now its all prim and proper.

We're leaving for the Philippines soon. Probably when my dad comes back from China on the 18 or something. he hasn't left yet. I think we're going to China too... I hope so. We'll book a flight right after Nada and Nassers exams. So thats probably 1 week after this week.

I have to wear a dress. >_> I dont mind.

I'm gonna miss yasy & sawsy. <3 nd kobby too... nd nasreen if she doesn't want to come.


they're going to make me sing.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Jrock weekly Rant.

mood: upset[ish]
listening to: a word never say - hikoboshi

since, I'm sorta not in a good mood. I'll get over it writing this.


Vocal: 宇 (Taka)
Guitar: 一馬 (Kazuma)
Guitar: 拓也 (Takuya)
Bass: 此大 (Shidai)
Drums: 純平 (Junpei)

I haven't downloaded anything of theirs. Cause i can't find anything. so I'm listening to their Myspace. hehe. They sound really good. I like how their songs have meaning without me understanding it. I just really like how they sound. Taka *thinks of taka of One ok rock* really has a unique voice.

I'm requesting their songs on LJ.

Official Home Page

Koto [ex-Sugar]

HE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A GIRL. >_> okay, maybe he does. But I don't think so as much.

No news from koto-san. >_> Oh well. I hope he joins a new band soon. I don't want him wasting his talent and his looks.
as one of his many fangirls I say. 'I miss koto!'

Yoshihiko [heidi.]

He looks soo KAWAII! I have this strong feeling to jump in the pc monitor to glomp yoshi-san. Lol. and the Large cd store hes in tempts me. and and and and their latest CD his holding is just so tempting to buy. Damn you yoshihiko and your temptation.


mood: nervous
listening to: a word never say -hikoboshi <3

My mom just got an invitation email from my school. It says they're having graduation rehearsals on March 14, 25 and April 3. I think. My graduation is actually on April 4.

Nadas birthday! APRIL 4. I mean WTF!!! We can't just leave. We have no money! and and I want to go to China damn it. -disappointment- If I dont go. I'll die of disappointment. And as anti-social as I am. I don't think I'll get along with ppl at the rehearsals if I go. and they're going to make me sing and wear a dress....

fuck you assholes. i'm not going to make friends with a bunch of spoiled rich fuckers.

man.... I'm mean. I'm just grumpy thats all. I don't know how i'm going to deal with hanging out with people I dont even know.

Hana Kimi again

mood: teary eyed
listening to: Ai ga Futari o Betsu Sumade.... - undead

I finished watching the whole thing. Even though It took me the whole day yesterday. The ending was so jdrama.

I'm so happy... Now, I'm into Jdrama too...
Next thing you know I'll be saying that I'm listening to Jpop. >_> *noeS*

Hana Kimi

Mood: happy

God! everyone knows Hana Kimi. >_> Even the guys in nadas school. except weldon. lol

I'm watching the last 3 episodes.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Nikki vs Weldon

lol. while I'm waiting for Hana Kimi(japan) to buffer. I give you a fight between Nikki and Weldon.

They're here right now. Filming their other project for school.

weight of water by anita shreve

I finished the booked.

34 books read.

Hana kimi.

mood: entertained!

I love hana kimi (japan) Its a Jdrama sitcom based on a manga! its sooo awesomely funny! and Ikuta is sooo cute. >_> goes and watches it.

thank you mae for introducing me to hana kimi.

(videos of the weekend are coming. after a few episodes. lol )

Looong Weekend

Mood: Still tired.
Listening to: inpain - Kain

For Nada's project, her had to come over. So I just sat there entertaining them while they take turns with the researching and writing. Mae and I shared music interests. While Weldon and Nasser played xbox. Michelle chating on the internet with Leslie and Nikki doing the work. Nada sat around watching tv.

It was pretty fun. Nikki slept over for 2 nights so we didn't have to go back and forth picking her up and crap. We played badminton and talked randomly.

On the second day, they all came 'cept Leslie.
They took a brake and went out for a bit and thats when a fucking asshole hit me with a fucking ball.

either way. my weekend was occupied.

Oh and I got the magazine JJ bought me!
It came yesterday morning! I wasn't as excited as I thought I would be. I came with another free magazine and JJ got me the gift pack with a little note that said 'here it is love ya what you want for graduation :p' how informal can jj get. lol. anyways! I'm grateful He bought me something that I really wanted. hehe. THANKS J!

The Dvd that came with it is funny. I loved the parts with 12012 and them playing twister and falling on each other *evil thoughts*

Saturday, March 1, 2008


mood: pissed as FUCK!!

I just had to record this.

I was randomly sitting on the swings with Nikki and Mae, we were talking about guys and crap. When the guys behind us fucking threw the ball on us on purpose. First at Mae, then at Nikki, then at me. They missed me the first time. When they threw it again it hit my fucking FACE!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! I stood up and said. "WHAT THE FUCK! YOU FUCKERS HIT MY FUCKING FACE! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU! I WILL BURY YOU ALIVE " I threw the rackets that I was holding on the ground and screamed at them like there is no tomorrow! The boy who threw it ran away at the mention of my dad. I told one of the guys to make that guy say sorry to me. They ran after him and they ended up saying sorry for that fucking asshole.

My hands are still shaking. I wanted to cry in anger! Gah! I was steaming!