disappointment

mood: disappointed
listening to: eye's by Roses.

On the way to the bank mom told me that my dad haven't showed any signs of actually booking tickets for us to go to the Philippines. We're broke. No money. Nothing. Everything is going to the companies my dad owes.

I'm fucking disappointed. This is the first time I'm actually graduating. I want to do something everyone does when they go to school for fuckssake. I missed out on so many fucking things in my life. I missed out on actual school activities, friends, 8 hours away from the parents, exposure to the outside world. I've missed out alot. ALOT. I'm not enjoying my life at all. I want to get my awards for fuckssake! I want to be someone.

I have no path in front of me and I give up trying to make one. who am I kidding theres nothing for me here. After school... what will happen? After school... then what? I know I'm not going anywhere. I'll just be home waiting to die.

I stuffed my face with my book to help me through this. I'll keep myself busy. Keep myself away from myself. I might start cutting again and I seriously don't want that.

*goes and listens to jrock to feel better*

wohoooo!!! JROCK!!!