Friday, July 18, 2008

Seef [July 18, 2008]

mood: headache.
listening to: Mozart

Everyones going off to college. I find myself in the same position I once was a long time ago. Lost, scared and alone. I want to go to the hospital. No... wait I don't. I have this hope that maybe I'm sick and I won't live. Gah... I hope so. Going to the hospital would confirm my sick condition or it won't. I rather die than go through what I did when I was younger. I can't handle it. I don't want silent tantrums(I'll go blank for hours... not moving just staring into space). I might end up killing my mom if I disappoint her again. I don't want that to happen. Please... Just I don't want to go. But I do. But I'm fucking afraid too fucking afraid.

I have this raging headache. I think I'll pass out. I feel like I have a fever again. gah... the feelings gone now.

Seef was fun ish.
Watched a movie with the yans.
Robbie looked awesome.
Pretended I was gay and Nikki was my lover while Robbie as the third party.
Nada and Nikki changed their clothes. (completely useless)
Ate mcdonalds and almost puked our brains out.
Went shopping with Ren.
Got shouted at by mom on the phone. *she nags too much*
Saw Safa, Ali and Mae. I met Mae's parents.
Pretended to be okay in front of Everyone. Nikki wasn't fooled. (yes, its a loooong chain of hurting each other. Not just me and her, 2 other people involved.)

and Yes, I'm still worried about Kobby.
I hope u are reading this.
I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt that way.
You're probably too mad at me. You probably hate me.
You'll probably never forgive me.
But I'm S.O.R.R.Y.
I didn't even know what I was doing to you.

(I have a feeling someone will be saying the exact thing to me.)

gah karma.

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