Sunday, December 13, 2009


Cold (c) Najla Qamber
Image (c) Najla Qamber

I'm cold, really cold sometimes. So cold that no one can ever think its me thinking those heartless things. Revenge is sweet, yes. But anger mixed with that. Damn, its too much. I hate it when I'm like that. Its like I can't think of anything else to help me ease my pain and all I want to do is inflict it to that one person who is hurts me constantly. Can I be that heartless? or am I just that angry at people who hurt me? I've thought of it so many times and I'm not very proud of it. Not very proud of it at all. I feel as though its gotten worse each time. Well, frankly, its cause I don't do shit to ease it. It just has to go away on its own.

So much of being me. So much for being that kind, supportive, guiding person everyone knows.
Theres always a second side to someone right? that side behind the sweetness or the side behind the bitterness.

To feel it constantly is like slicing your hand so deep that you could see the bone and to feel that blood flow is like the tears that never will give itself to fall. "Never" it says "Never will I give in to the temptations of an heart felt pain" it continues "Nothings going make us jump" it finishes.

Indeed don't commit that saddening sin that is suicide. Its never worth the tears, or pain. For when it does fall when it does commit that sin. The tears will feel like boiling hot lava piercing its way down my cheeks. It burns too much to stop the tears from falling. It won't stop. It'll never stop.

I can see it. The coldness.

I wish I was without that flaw.

1 comment:

One Womans Thoughts said...

I appreciate the raw emtions and honesty. I believe when you have a personality that is nice and kind most of the time, anger nad resentment can build up and come out at the oddest things, you can have moments of passive aggressive feelings that are very intense.