i won't bother with capitalization or anything uniform and correct. I'd rather stay random and spontaneous just this time.
spending the entire week wondering why the damn hell i was left feeling like a boring fuck from each side of my shoulders. Am i not interesting? or did you all just turn mute? i see people turning away and walking off with their sorry excuses that i always tend to shrug off. do i smell or something? am i really that boring or do I have a large pigment mutation growing on my forehead thats starting to gross people out. it seems as if i'm the only one trying my best to conver and entertain. what am i doing wrong?
i'm trying to be as positive as i can with my current situation and ignore anything that comes into my mind about these things that seem to keep on reoccurring. but i can't help it. i'll always think outside the box and end up putting myself down. there i go again blaming myself for doing nothing wrong.
ha. i enjoy writing here. no matter how much hurt and annoyance i dip into these words, no one will step outside their comfort zone and ask me if i was alright. i should call this a diary and not a fucking blog. meh.
there was only one person that always reacted to my pathetic little dabbles. but hes not here anymore. hes somewhere far and barely a phone call away.
it amuses me how i read and end up not being mentioned at all. how nice. did i really not happen to pop up in your life? ha.
i wonder how many bruises will be inflicted before i write something like this again.
i hope it takes forever because right now, i loathe the negativity. but its not something you can just run away from especially when everyone seems to keep on catapulting your positive fortification.