late night

1:16am

Muted the mic and turned off the cam.
I'm not bothered to let out my hidden feelings in a book, nor to call my bestfriend cause I know how much you hate me running to him instead of you. I guess, when I do want to run to you its either you're out somewhere or you're too tired that I don't even bother anymore. Why am I typing this up? This time I won't just forget the problem and just let it rot in my insides cause later on that'll just come back and hurt me with even more impact. I just want you to know, even if I'm not sure you'll read this because I'm not going to tell you to.

Sometimes, I can deal with your mood swings as I try to get used to it and understand even if your sharp tone just seems to like hurting me the most. I ignore, and comfort you the ways I can even if I suck at it every bit I try. I try my best and I'm sorry if I can be useless sometimes. Trust me it hurts me the most cause I can't seem to make you smile when you need to the most. I feel helpless and hurt cause even the tiniest things I can't do. Im sorry. Right now, I want nothing more than to go back a few hours and just say 'Hey hun, I missed you' when you called. I wished I just listened to what happened to you without thinking about how I felt. I guess, I couldn't this time. It just bugged me so much that I felt a little angry as well as upset and I'm sorry. I'm too emotional. hahahaha.

I can't sleep. I always thought it stupid to cry. It'll just tire you out you know. So I never do it unless I can't help it. This is one of those times I think. You've taken a toll on me, never been this upset since that time you came home a little out of mind a couple of weeks ago and you asked why I was on the phone with renz?. Lets just say I don't like being called clinging. Thats like one of the reasons why a certain someone wouldn't give a moment to think I would be a good enough girlfriend for him. I was afraid, so afraid of losing you. I promised myself long ago that I wouldn't make the same mistakes again and I did just ever so slightly, I felt neglected what was I supposed to do? stay as far away from you as possible? That'll hurt me more than being neglected. I came back from the Philippines to someone so busy and stressed.
I didn't mind it much, I tried to be there, helped you in any way I can, tried to make you smile when you needed it, told you to take care of yourself cause I wasn't always around to do it for you. But you can never help the feeling of neglection. No matter how hard I try, I'll always be clingy when I miss someone. I can't help it. But for you, I'll try not to "annoy" you with my attention and hugs for that I'm sorry too.

Main point is, you've been out of your all too usual mood all week and it hasn't just affected you hun, it affected me as well. I worry about you sometimes- all the time and when I ask whats wrong you never answer the way I want you too cause you can't. I don't even know why I even try asking you a couple of more times it'll just bring out that 'shut up, you're annoying' tone that you use to make me feel so tiny, subconciously of course. Well, I can't help asking either. Sometimes I think if I don't ask anymore you'll think that I don't care. I don't know why that stupid notion came into mind. I feel like a kid, complaining about this all. I'm not even sure if I should post this up or not. gah, what the hell. I just had to get that off my chest otherwise I won't be able to sleep at all tonight.



Forgive me, hun if I'm being immature. I am after all only sixteen.

I love you so much kal. I'm sorry.

The case of the artist who cannot draw.

mood: productive
listening to: SIN - LICKER

I've noticed something, that I'm starting to hate that I even took the time to notice. I've known this since I started drawing. but I can't draw without reference and its annoying!! Like wayyyyyyyy annoying. If I want originality I have to find a stock image as a base of anything I draw or paint. I know its normal to have like bits and pieces of each image that inspired you and all. But seriously what if its just something that pops in your head and you want to draw it as it is still fresh in your mind.

~ Change (in the house of flies) ~ Deftones

But nooooooooo I have to go online and search for an image that'll situ as your stupid base for a drawing. I just want to be like you know those really cool manga or comic book artists that just randomly draw shit into little panels and make it look so awesome in so many ways.

I'm wondering is this something that happens cause of the way you practiced drawing in the beginning? I don't think so cause I used to draw without reference but they're just the same poses with really bad anato...

THATS IT! I must venture more into the world of anatomy and draw draw draw! Lets start with realism shall we. This is going to be fun. I know exactly what to do when I'm done with work in the next 2 days. *-* OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I'm all fired up. I must continue!

*sketches*

34k

4k all won booty grabbing in forums. Im addicted 2 it dat i cant work properly. Wah!

Bad news

I just read nadas blog and she said one of our aunts died today. I just dont know which of our aunts has fallen ill and past away. Sigh. Fate has a way with us mortals.

Damn

I am bored. Its okay. As lng as im busy on my last 2 days. Last day, on da 28th. Woah. Its almst there. I wonder if i can finish 3 mre books b4 uni. w00t.

7 habits!

I was reading an article about Junior Designers and how many of them usually last in a studio. The ones that actually last longer are the ones who practice these seven habits: 

Work quickly, produce a lot

Attend to details

Be versatile

Make an effort to learn

Anticipate problems

Set goals

Display a positive attitude

I'm happy cause thats pretty much what I do naturally! w00t w00t! Positivity is scary but it helps you to keep moving forward! yay! 

http://www.lifeclever.com/talent-isnt-everything-7-habits-of-highly-effective-junior-designers/

My desk.

I was planning 2 screenshot my section on da unisono website but I'm too busy to do that right now. Hopefully, I'll have the chance to tomorrow or next week. 

http://inunisono.com/people.asp?roles=all&pageid=570  (my page in the website) 

Honestly, I'm actually very happy that I'm working here. I guess my selfish disdain for fun came in and told me to quit to just kick it and rest. *sigh* 

Life indeed will be one heck of a ride. 

magic words

mood: productive

listening to: Nails for breakfast Tacks for Snacks ~ Panic! at the disco

Well, I'm here at work being productive as ever cause I'm actually doing something. 

Fixing up the unisono website. I'm actually making major changes to one of the pages. w00t. 

I have logo shit to do later too. But first I wanna blog. 

My hun is probably on his way to his driving test. I hope he passes! I'm sure he will. 

I'm wondering what I'll be doing in the meantime when I resign. Hmmm... I wonder if I should just you know slack off again. Go out on weekends. The whole thing. 

I'm worried I might end up regretting leaving this place. Its one of the best things that ever happened to me last year and this year as well. I've learned a lot and my character grew here. I'm no longer as shy as I usually am. I can speak out and just live. Not like before... I keep on holding back and staying away. This place taught me a lot in the last 8 months. I'm happy I actually took the chance working here. I fought my fears and it got me places. Now, I'm going to aim for doing the same with school. Watch out people! I'm not going to waste my youth working! 

Colors

Is our bestfriend. Swatch books are awesome. But are 2 expensive. Gah, i'm annoyed people are annoying me.

Dont forget

Ahhhh. I was in da mood 2 draw.