i -.- ed

My unofficial last entry of the year.
This year was an eventful one, worked, college, & Kal.

Theres more to it.
First off, would be Kal.
January 13, Our first date and the beginning of a wonderful relationship. I wouldn't change it for the world. I wish I could say more. But I don't have the writers sense right now to continue on.

Work.
May 31st, I resigned.
After wonderful 8 months of being an Intern doing a Junior Designers work (YAY), I've learned so much and I thank you all who was a part of it and I miss you guys too. T^T Most of you left already. T^T.

College.
OMG! Finally, my phobia is no more and I'm glad. I've finished a semester and I'm proud! YOU BETTER BE TOO. I haven't gone to school since I was 8.

Renz&Naj Day!

It happened! Hahahahaha.


That is all.
Not in the writing mood right now.

Cold

Cold (c) Najla Qamber
Image (c) Najla Qamber

I'm cold, really cold sometimes. So cold that no one can ever think its me thinking those heartless things. Revenge is sweet, yes. But anger mixed with that. Damn, its too much. I hate it when I'm like that. Its like I can't think of anything else to help me ease my pain and all I want to do is inflict it to that one person who is hurts me constantly. Can I be that heartless? or am I just that angry at people who hurt me? I've thought of it so many times and I'm not very proud of it. Not very proud of it at all. I feel as though its gotten worse each time. Well, frankly, its cause I don't do shit to ease it. It just has to go away on its own.

So much of being me. So much for being that kind, supportive, guiding person everyone knows.
Theres always a second side to someone right? that side behind the sweetness or the side behind the bitterness.

To feel it constantly is like slicing your hand so deep that you could see the bone and to feel that blood flow is like the tears that never will give itself to fall. "Never" it says "Never will I give in to the temptations of an heart felt pain" it continues "Nothings going make us jump" it finishes.

Indeed don't commit that saddening sin that is suicide. Its never worth the tears, or pain. For when it does fall when it does commit that sin. The tears will feel like boiling hot lava piercing its way down my cheeks. It burns too much to stop the tears from falling. It won't stop. It'll never stop.

I can see it. The coldness.

I wish I was without that flaw.

Spring of Culture Talent Competition

Hopefully I'll get chosen. I'm joining in the visual arts category. (Painting)
Since they don't have Computer Generated Arts I can't send out my manips. sadly. T-T

Zephrina

We found her at Uni, actually Katie and Jp did.
She was hit by a car and had a broken leg. We saved her and Naz took her home to feed and mend her. We took her to the vet. He said there was nothing he could do. It was too late. She didn't survive long she died this morning. There was nothing we could do.

R.I.P. Kitten Zephrina

unaccomplished

mood: annoyed
listening to: abduction-interlude

Looking around my neglected accounts on art communities online. I've realized that I've been so inactive lately, and have been neglecting the arts. Which I should say I love the most. Rather than Business. After resigning from work and bringing all the arts to a halt temporarily, I feel so unaccomplished and useless. I had that feeling. I remember the times when I was always doing something that would rather improve my skills rather than stop until I forget about it entirely. Its ridiculous.

I hate having insecurities.
I always need something to look up to.
I always need something to tell me that I'm going somewhere.
I always need to be an overachiever to feel good about myself.
I want to make a difference.
I want to be inspired and inspire.

It devouring, its idiocy.

then again who doesn't want that. (I always like to think that I'm the only one. Again, who doesn't?)

word count - 189

*sigh*

Calamity in the works

mood: productive
listening to: Shindaze Sekai - heidi.

Working on my latest project. Check out the WIPs.

and me during the 4 hour project.

WIP 1
Comping of the background and horse



WIP 2
Comping of model


WIP 3
Comping of Dress


WIP 4
Comping of Legs


WIP 5
Comping of Hair


WIP 6
Color Change

Finished Pieces : http://redeemer-of-light.deviantart.com/art/Calamity-144875883, http://redeemer-of-light.deviantart.com/art/Calamity-002-144876211

-End-

Random piece from Unrequited

Fight sequence between Scarlet and the Third person in scarlets and Dafoes love life.

"I may be too little into society but I have experienced difficulties you'll never ever imagine! I know what is right and wrong, whether or not I am too little or too much into society. You on the other hand, too much into society and you bring nothing but agony to anyone who is yet to know your persona. Your concept of right and wrong is to vague for you to even think or say that I'm just a beginner into society. I have long years ahead of you. You are nothing but a naive, immature, obnoxious, attention seeking woman with all the fake virtues that every good woman should have. You are nothing compared to me. Don't ever insult me thus again. I don't know why I tolerate you so." I turned away immediately storming out. Leaving her and Mr.Dafoe in an awe. The moment I stepped outside. I stopped and thought for a long while before breaking into tears. My heart only now realizing how much it hurt to be insulted thus. Maybe I am to sensitive. No, I have too much repressed feeling tucked into my little pieces of my heart. I clutched the side of my dress and walked quickly to the lake. I sat there and quivered.

"My hopes were all dead-struck with a subtle doom, in night, fell it shivered away from my heart"

Mood: Indifferent

Call me selfish or competitive I might be one or both. I'm just having one of those times when I feel so productive that again instead of doing what I should. I ponder on my confidence level and lower it myself. Lol. Its unhealthy I know. But it can also be a good thing? I think. I know what you're thinking "So hurting yourself Naj would be a grand thing?" Lmao. Or something like that in a less writers format. Yes, I'm in that mode too. >.< style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">n't do everything at one time. Take it easy.

Imagine that.
I don't know, I miss those eight months of my life. Where I was often called the next generation of something. *sigh* Those were times when I actually smiled my brightest smiles. For some reason I feel disappointed.

-Naj

enough.

Enjoy life guys. You know its crap.

Memories that haunt and scare.

mood: slightly annoyed.
listening to: nothing.

Well, I miss you blog.
You know I can never actually leave you or not vent out on you anymore.
Its just not possible at all. What was my actual reason for starting a blog? hmm... I don't quite remember. I think it was cause I was sick and tired of writing "Dear diary, today I..." with colored feathery girlie pens. Sorry, that doesn't work for me. Actually, I haven't had the time to actually sit down and give a whole hour to myself. Since, I don't feel like manipulating I'll just blog.~ at least I can dwell a bit in the depths of my echoie mind. haha. okay. my rooms too fucking quiet. Nada turned off the ac. I'll just randomly bull shit and say. I'm not really in the mood to do anything productive yet I fell like it. But I don't really want to.

Yes, I contradict myself.