mood: still fcked up but with a lighter burden
listening to: Reminisce - 4way speakers
Last night was hell. It was like the first few weeks of the 'Everydays fucked up and it keeps on getting worse' thing me and renz had.
It was like that but with all 8 weeks rolled up in one.
I fought with Jp. Fucked up my friendship with renz. Yelled at Nasreen and cried cause of all that plus knowing my boss will be giving me hell the day after and she not being there didn't make me feel any better.
Lets just say I wanted to lock myself in the bathroom, quit my job and not speak to anyone until something horrid ended my life. I needed a fucking smoke so bad. Never... NEVER hang with smokers... >.> they'll actually let you smoke. Fucking asses.
Everything I thought of that night no matter how unimportant it was I wanted to cry. I felt so fucking emotional.
It wasn't normal for me. No, I'm not used to this crap. Crying hurts my pride. >.>
I woke up so early in the morning and it was like me being 8 again with the same fears as going to school. It fucked up my head so much. I couldn't even think straight. All I wanted to do was hit my head on the wall so fucking much. I was a coward. I am not one now.
I have so much shit going on at the moment that I can't seem to fucking get a good nights sleep. Though I don't have as much work as the rest and I still come home tired. Fucking hell, I don't have much time for myself.
After a few more months I'm quiting. I'll get ready for Uni but first 2 whole weeks to myself. Just me, yoshi and my tablet. I miss my idle days. Then hopefully we'll get to go to the Philippines and China. I really hope that happens.
I miss Photo-manipulating, I miss writing, I miss painting, and drawing oh and reading! I used to finish a book a week. Now, I can't do crap. >.>
Interns dont stay for more than 2 months actually.
I have to ask around bout it. >.>