Thursday, March 19, 2009

Special treatments/certain feelings never last

Mood: Indifferent
Listening to: Medley ~ Rob Lane (Jane Eyre OST)

I feel aggravated to the fact that I'm losing my passion towards design. Or is it just one of those days that I hate so entirely. Despite the fact that my boss was a complete asshole to me before I left. I don't think that would change my views in anything involving design. Perhaps, Its cause I don't know. I feel like... I'm losing interest maybe? or is it the fact that a hobby turned itself into lifes work just got through my head and stopped my brain cells from acting enthusiastically towards design.

Yesterday was full of my laziness. I absolutely hated doing whatever they asked. I just wasn't in the mood. Fucked up I know. Naj? Not wanting to work!? NOT NORMAL.
Hey! I'm not a complete retard like all of you! well, now I am. >.< for fucks sake. So much for my complete uniqueness.

Today started out with my sister screaming out 'NAJ! GO EAT' I'm like... WHA.... *sleeping*
She was on the phone with my mom and apparently mom was coming back to pick us up as soon as they got Naz. So I'm like... Oh fuck. You guys suck. This was at 6:40am. I woke up feeling neutral to all the beings on the planet like 'Oh look stone and scissors are fighting. Hi stone! Hi scissors! how you guys doing?' Yea like that neutral. I was pretty much balanced in a way.
and yes I'm a complete retard. I admitted it. So you don't have to call me as such.
Then the moment I walked in that empty office and was ready to slack off for a good 1 and a half hours before I start actual work. I call luv while I made coffee. Then helped my sister with her office management shit before logging into meebo. Spoke to a certain someone who unbalanced my mood slightly by telling me he wont be home the usual times I'll be awake for today and tomorrow. I admit, I was upset for awhile about it. But whatever. I try not to be too controlling. Its not really a good thing to do. I try to understand more rather than restrict.
My mood didn't change until I started getting a lot of work to do. Then I realized! My motivation is more work. If I know that I'm almost done with all the work I have to do and won't have to do anything else after. I'll be very upset. I guess its cause I hate the feeling of being useless at work.

But today, I was on a roll. WOOOHOO!

I still have to do a lot of work on Sunday and tonight.
Better get started I guess. But first must play bass.

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