Monday, April 28, 2008

Oh fuck off...

mood: upset
listening to: Lost my blood - Leviathan.

When I have School phobia. I have school Phobia. For fuck sake. I WILL NOT GO TO REAL COLLEGE. Not if my life depends on it. I know I'm ruining my own life by saying that. But I don't fucking care. I will live my life as a burden to my parents. I don't care. Don't talk to me bout college. Its scary then anything. I don't want to go. I don't I don't! If you make! I'll kill myself. YOU HEAR ME. I will KILL myself. I'll never learn to be independent. I will never be like everyone else. Do NOT try to make me into someone everyone knows I can't be. For fuck sake. When you talk about college with my little sister make sure the fucking door is closed. I don't want to hear how everyone is going to finish their school the normal way. While I'll be alone in the freaking house being a pathetic loser because I have a phobia I can't deal with. I've accepted what I am already. Just don't talk me into doing things I don't want to do. I will envy everyone I know who will finish their education. I will envy their laughter with their new friends. I will envy their freaking courage to do things on their own. I can't do fucking shit. !!!!!!!!!

I AM NOT GOING TO GO!!! I'M NOT GOING TO GO! I don't care how much fun I'll have. I don't want to go. I don't care if I'll never marry. I don't care if I don't have future. I DO NOT CARE. I know exactly whats going to happen to me. If there is nothing more to wait living for. I know exactly. what. to. do.

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