Thursday, September 4, 2008

smoking ; regretting ; defeated

wyd: regretting
music: Ijiwarukuu - Guy's Family (disbanded. *huggles them*)

The moment you walked out. I stared at Nasreen and Kei sharing the last cig.
I immediately wondered to myself what its like to smoke.
"Can I try?" I asked
"Are you serious?"
I took the cig she offered. You walked in.
I made a gesture to try to give it back to her. But you said you won't stop me.
So I went for it. I tried it out... I pretended to cough and not like it.
Are you kidding me? that was the shit right there. It felt good.
Yes, I faked the whole 'ewe... I'm never smoking'.


Oh well. Good things had to come to an end.

Usually I would write what I felt. But right now all I feel is regret and a small amount of sadness.
That just came with a realization once again. That after a few weeks. Nothings going to happen. After everything. I think I began to subconsciously not hope or expect anything from anyone.
Like today. I didn't expect and I was not disappointed. I guess I'm just pretty passive when it comes to this crap.

Motzy told me something tonight.
"sort of, the next in line instead of the one who was there all along"
Its incomplete. Obviously.
Lets just say. That got me thinking.

Enough of this crap.
Time to laugh and watch Gokusen!

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