Here I am again

mood: hopeless
listening to: Rain - Zwei


I just realized that I was hoping again when I spoke to him late last night. I just like slapped myself on the face and told myself 'You... Hoping is useless when you know nothings going to happen' He doesn't even know how I feel about him. I think he senses something when ever I'm around him cause of how overly unexpectedly caring I am and the fact that my attention is always on him. I think he knows. He's just not sure about it.

My depression gets heavier and uncontrollable every time its one-sided. Maybe because I don't cry and cause I don't talk about it with no one. Gah. I'm being all 'I can do this on my own... no one has to know about it.' Fuck you Naj. Sooner or later you'll spit it out and you'll ruin everything for yourself and you'll end up looking like a fool once again. *high five*

It'll be harder to not cry now... Since I stopped doing the one thing that made it feel better.
I guess, I'll just bite my lip and close my eyes and wait for it to go away. I hope I don't cut my lip open. Sometimes when theres pain you go all numb and you can't even feel physical pain no more.

I hope I can get through the next one more easily than this one. Yes, I think the next guy that comes along will be the same as the others. It always will be. Maybe they'll like me more but it'll always be the same. Always.

Shit... Moms home. Go away feelings! go away...