listening to: myself type.
Me and Nada just finished watching HYD. T_____T a sad episode.
okie... Like I was saying before. I was checking out my manips and I saw a few that I loved.
My all time favs!
I don't have it...
I have no direction in life
nothing left to live for
no reason to stay
no reason to hope
no reason to be strong
no reason to fight
no reason to pull open curtains
to walk through butterflies or woods
no reason to continue walking to no where.
I give up
I have no direction"
Dedicated to my loving second mother who is in a hospital bed right now. cause of cancer.
Description: I became so impatient with everything, I SCREAMED IN MY HEAD!! and I started getting angry on how freaky better other people are. GOD! I became so angry with myself I started doing so much shit at the same fucking time. I swear I felt a vine popped somewhere in my body. What triggered it? well I'll tell what you wat triggered it. Im soo angry with everyone and kept it inside for 2 fucking years. and then I felt stupid, boring, ugly, bad, untalented. BLAH BLAH BLAH! i know I should be grateful for what Talent I have. Just dont say anything. you can tottally hurt my feelings and critize about this picture. please do. I wont mind really. I should inform you. I rushed this, cause I was angry when I did this so yeah. and taking it all out in a manip or a description doesn't make me feel better either.
Description: My love.
As a General, I have been called to war, immediately. My heart broke when they asked me to lead the first line of attack. I might not return alive. and I regret, saying my adieus in this letter. Take care of yourself.
I love you so much.
You are my life.
Edward Monte'agro etc.
That letter sucks. Ahem.
Description: triv·i·al /ˈtrɪviəl/ [triv-ee-uhl]
of very little importance or value; barely important; insignificant
Thank you for your last letter. I hope you are happy, for you have shredded my heart and rejected me in every possible way imaginable. You've made it clear that I am most trivial to you. You've made it clear how egoist I am, how repulsive, how pathetic, how minuscule. Surely, you think that I am heartless as well, for you to write these aweful words without guilt. I loved you so much. Now, you rejected me and leave me with no sympathy but pain. You leave me cold inside, for I have not yet shed a tear. I accept the fact that you would never be mine, like the last two men who did the same as you. Both wrote a letter to me, saying how much they loathe me. If you do feel guilt. Do not worry, I am used to harsh words. After all, I hold hands with rejection for rejection won't let go.
I wish you all the happiness that I never had, God bless and Good bye.
-Miss Mina Elliot
All the above I wrote all by myself. Yes I came up with all that. I thank God that I actually read the dictionary.
Trivial was one of my fav descriptions. But Jane Eyre, Equilibrium, Anne Elliot and Direction are definitely on my top 5. I don't really remember what happened that day when I actually wrote all that unrequited shit down. Lol I guess I'm really affected by it. But I'm used to it now. Wait... I think I remember what happened. Umm... Number 2 was over my house. I couldn't stand looking at him without him reminding me why I fell for him in the first place. Fucking asshole. He had to be an asshole. All me and him do is tease each other and fight. I hated him for years cause he was the reason why my self esteem was soo low. He and Nasreen(elder sister) teamed up and crushed my hopes. They used the fact that I don't go to school and called me stupid and useless. I was 10. I remember. I locked myself in my room and cried my eyes out. That was the day when I promised myself I would never cry again. But I did. I saw him 4 years later... and he did it again but this time he did it and he aimed for my heart. The fucking player and his flings. He doesn't even know what hes doing to me. This is the good thing about showing hatred instead of love. I don't even talk to him anymore. I just changed so much over the years I could tell he grew attracted to me. I would smile and laugh and I would always catch him staring. What was weird is that he would come back into the room and say bye to me and no one else. My sisters were in the room.
Somehow I knew this would happen. He txted Nasreen one day and asked her for Nikki's number. She didn't give him her number cause she knew how I felt for him. But he still managed to get it. Then Nada came home from school and told me that he started courting Nikki. At first I was like *locks self in bathroom and get scissors* "I'm not going to cry..." Then anger came in and I went all "He better not hurt her the fucking ass." Anger pretty much slit my wrists. Its really funny. I obviously reacted in front of my mom, my uncle and our housekeeper (who happens to be his auntie). Few days later. Tita Susan (our housekeeper) told me that I have nothing to worry about. She had a talk with him and he said it was all just a game. I sighed and then I was like WTF. I went online and warned Nikki. Me and her at that time weren't really good friends. He came over and ate lunch with us. My mom had to open her big mouth and say... "Nag react si Naj" My reply was "MOM! of course I would react its Nikki we're talking about here. Shes my friend" Nice save Naj. He was sitting right next to me and I barely looked at him. He always found a way to hurt me. Sameer. That asshole. He hasn't got a clue. He'll be back here in a year or is it this year. I wonder what he has up his sleeves this time. *smirks* You won't be able to hurt me this time. Umm.. hes 18 right now. *thinks* Maybe I should start talking to him again. After all I've known him since I was 4. Why did I stop talking to him? Right... When I was 10... I was really obvious that I liked him a little too much. So I just thought... not this time. I won't be as obvious as I once was. I ended up not talking to him at all. LOL.
Well, right now I pretty much just get depressed for a few months knowing that a guy I really like ends up liking someone else and thats it. I go okie... Hes better off with that chick than with me. I'm pretty much undeserving. Why do I sound like Renz? ^__^
I still think this time was karma. I broke a guys heart and he changed completely... He just turned into someone I don't even know anymore. It started to scare me and I started blaming myself and feeling even more guilty. You probably already put everything behind you but I'll never get tired of saying this. "I'm sorry Kobby, I really am."
Ahem.. how did it get to this? *scrolls up* right...
anyways... I go sleep now.