Thursday, June 12, 2008

Silent Tears

*Mood: in the mood to write angsty dabbles.
listening to: NOTHING

Look what I wrote. I'm actually pretty proud of this. *dances around room* and NO I am not depressed or anything..........


Silent Tears

It was dark. My room shed no light. I lay upon my bed clutching onto my pillow as if I wanted it to bleed instead of me. I couldn't take it. My eyes welled up with tears. I didn't want to cry. I got up and took the razor that tempted me for an hour.

I stared at my wrist at first. I hesitated. I didn't want to but I couldn't help myself.

I tore skin, slowly and hard. I pulled away the razor as I watch myself bleed. The blood dripping onto my white sheets. I could feel my chest burn with pain and my tears halting. The tears always stopped but the pain sometimes lingered for awhile But most of the times it never ceased. I find it trivial now. To try and stop the tears when the pain never ceased nor faded. But something inside me still tells me to not let myself cry no matter how much pain is felt. It's never worth the tears.

I hope this doesn't happen every time I fall for someone that I know I can't have. Some people just think I easily fall in love with anyone. They're wrong. It is not I who chooses who I love. It's my heart. Love is unexpected and unconditional. It comes when you least expect it. I'm 15, and I'm in love for the first time. I love him. But he never felt the same. I lost all confidence after I confessed foolishly and he rejected. Well, he didn't exactly. He just stood there in surprise. I could see the hatred and disgust that burned in his eyes as I spoke those words 'I think I'm in love with you'. I stared into his eyes. I read what it said and fled. I couldn't- I can't stand rejection. I don't want it in words. I don't want to hear it. I don't want it to break my heart or what's left of it. I knew this would happen. Why did my heart have to take over? Damn it. I ran. I ran anywhere. Everywhere. I wanted privacy. I wanted comfort. But there is no one there to comfort me. I had no friend but him. Just him. I reached home, I ran up the stairs to my room. I locked the door and laid on the bed.

Here I am. Bleeding on my sheets. I stared at the blood. This is stupid. I stood and headed for the shower. I turned on the cold water and stood right below it fully clothed. The water washing away my blood. 'I wish the water would wash away the pain too.' I said in a whisper. I cried. My tears fell as I muttered the last two words. The water making it vague that I cried. I stood there and allowed the tears and blood to drip. It was silent. Silent tears... silent cries.


Hehe I think I'll make a sequel to this. Maybe a happy ending. I always treat my characters better than how life treats me. *pats who ever I just made up*

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